Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer

Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer
And in the End was the Word, Amy's Word

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Friday, October 13, 2017

Amy Brandlin and Her Seven Demons

Amy, with all this Harvey Weinstein stuff in the news, tell us have any men ever expected you to put out in order to advance your career?

I was abused by men in a different way.  I was fragile searching for love and an easy mark for emotional abuse.  My emotional abusers were male doctors.  I flirted with my pediatrician for ten years and we parted on difficult terms.  He wanted to accuse me of being a stalker, but I never stalked anyone. Driving by a house and looking does not qualify as stalking, or does even an occasional hand written note.  He toyed with my emotions as it soothed his ego to have my admiration and sexual frustration.  I wrote a note to his wife and apologized (that was the clincher in that sordid situation.)  Do I feel shame about that whole drama?

No, I was lonely and isolated without many friends or social interactions and I hid in a make believe harbor that somebody appreciated me.  That was a delusion.  I was deluded thinking that I was actually loved.  I had a great therapist, Dr. Fass, and she gave me the book, Love in the Forbidden Zone, or perhaps it was titled Sex in the Forbidden Zone.  It outlines how men in powerful positions misuse the trust given to them.  This includes professors, doctors, etc. who think it okay to flirt and have affairs with patients, or students.  These men have a fatherly role with women. For me, having had a very quiet father who did not pay much attention to me, I was an easy mark.  Like I said previously, my marriage was not satisfying for me....it just was not there for me in my heart. I was easily caught up in desiring men who I could not have.

I was diagnosed as being crazy, so anything I said would not be believed, another reason that I was an easy mark.  Gaslight, is a term that could apply here, as I went crazy over several of these men, after they flirted with me.

I had a bad reputation from the interactions so that is why I identified with the Mary Magdalen of Christianity.  I was a practicing Catholic so people thought I was such a hypocrite.  I guess I was a hypocrite, lonely and looking for love and affection. Am I going to list their names and make more enemies?

My angelic advisor says not to.  I don't fan old smoldering embers to create more conflagrations.  I must have had seven demons infesting me.

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