Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer

Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer
And in the End was the Word, Amy's Word

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Thursday, July 13, 2017

DO NOT SING YOUR OWN SONGS!!

In our family there are different types of thinking patterns.  I am a person who thinks in abstractions and possibilities.  While I was off of my thought control medication I could improvise songs about myself and our family.  I became a ballad singer.  When I got my shut up shot my creativity was stifled somewhat.  I can still rattle off an improvised ballad but much to the consternation and disapproval of my daughter.

She was always very intelligent as a child and a baby but she is very conformist.  This conformity is based on a sense of shame over my bipolar.  The other family, my ex's, are very much a group of "what would the neighbors think" type of folks.  I am comfortable being different as I have had no choice.

I believe that my family poisoned me and caused me to hallucinate and therefore lose my credibility and spontaneous spirit.  When medicated a person cannot come back with a quick comment.  I was dulled down and given a phoney diagnosis because members of my family did not like me.

When I sang my spontaneous song about my daughter's family a quick "stop that now" response ensued.  Her response to  my innocent harmless creative spirit proves that I am a victim.  I don't believe she consciously victimizes me, she is an innocent piece of molded clay by the people who have felt threatened by my outspoken bold spirit.   She has been dutifully molded by my ex-inlaws.  She is a conformist like them, marching in full step with them.

The amazing thing is that she does not perceive herself as a conformist, but she most certainly is.  My singing is a harmless expression.  She sang her American states song, not an original and that was an example of allowed behavior.  "Don't be original Mom, I cannot tolerate that.   This is how to sing."

She is very intelligent, but her psychic wings are voluntarily clipped and her imagination clouded.

One might say, "she has been terrorized by your illness."  I have never done anything violent while ill, only with my personal art.  I am not a dangerous person,  I call myself a Ghandi girl.  The true terrorists are those who hate me and have poisoned her mind with negative possibilities and perceptions.  True, I am not myself when having tripping flash backs, and withdrawal symptoms but I am not violent and do not need to be scolded not to sing freely.

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