Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer

Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer
And in the End was the Word, Amy's Word

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Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Define Denial

"Why do you keep denying that you have mental issues?"  I think that this commenter has reading comprehension issues.  Nowhere have I denied that I have mental issues.  I postulate that I might have been given hallucinogens by my family which started a course of treatment that makes my brain dependent on medication.  The way neurotransmitters work is complicated.  They are blocked so receptors hungry for dopamine increase, when the block is removed, there is an increase in uptake exacerbated by the increased production of receptor.  It is a dopamine floodgate rush.  My brain function like every one elses depends on chemistry.  I have never denied that my brain function is altered.  I do belief that my altered states of consciousness makes it possible for me to communicate with the dead.  I spoke of this with the blog entry, The Voice.

When I had my initial episode of "bipolar" there was a visiting German friend of my sisters in my home the night prior.  I believe that I was  given this disease via sneaky drug attack to shut up my quick mind and outspoken nature.  I believe that it is possible I have been part of MK Ultra.  My psychiatrist validated me on this point.  Families are not always cozy lovey dovey.  I had a dentist in 1987 (at the time)who told me he thought I had some kind of reaction to a chemical.  Yes, I believe I was doped.  Thirty years on drugs that mess with your neuro transmitter balance is not easily recovered from.

Far from denying that I have mental issues, I explain my theories as to why I have mental issues.  My mentation at present is not too imaginative, and like I said, I am a very highly functioning individual.  As a person who has been made "less than optimal" I intend to continue to tell my story.  I reread my writings and do not find them abrasive or caustic, just honest from my point of view.  The term mentally ill is just  term to medically describe people who stand out in society with their different ways of thinking.  In the past, or in different cultures the mentally ill person might have been revered by a community as the shaman. Perhaps ms anonymous wants me to admit that there is something inherently wrong with who I am which I will deny.  There are things inherently wrong with a culture that locks up millions of folks for thinking differently than the masses.

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