Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer

Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer
And in the End was the Word, Amy's Word

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Sunday, April 30, 2017

What is it about a Headscarf?

I like to wear a head scarf, and I did previously blog about this, but there is a strange prejudcial reaction going on.  It is the subconscious fashion police. I have greying, thin hair and scarves are very pretty.  I get  subtlety mistreated by people due to my head fashion.  It is different and weird for people in the finger lakes to have to deal with a unfashionable head.  Baseball caps are acceptable, and certain ways of tying a headscarf are borderline.  A turban look is a big no-no, it turns people off.  The Willie Nelson look got me a compliment in the food line,  though.

The library wifi works in the park outside the library when the library is closed.

I made a nice soup with the leftover chicken carcass.  That's some more news from Amy Brandlins life here in Penn Yan, NY.

the about me section

I took down the about me section, as I really don't know all about myself.  I don't know if I ever really was a porn star.  When I was delusional I thought I was a multiple personality entity.  I cannot prove if I am or not.  I found a librium in my bedside table.  I don't know if it was one given to me.  Tranced people don't remember things.  Drugged people don't either.  It is a mystery to me, what and if things have been done to me in different personalities or if I even have different personalities. If anybody has any information about me, please let me know!

Boxes Made into Tiles

One of the more mundane Occupations that I have as an artist is making mosaics from boxes.  The colors of the product boxes inspired me.  I cut them up with pinking shears.  I have a dream to create a tree of life or a scene out of nature with the mosaics I have created.

park wifi

i recently got a free tablet from verizon so i am trying to find free wifi to download apps, that is todays news in the life of Amy.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Saturday Dinner

Today I roasted a chicken that I received from the food line.  I am very tight financially while waiting for my remortgage deal.  I ha
ve to have a lot of cash up front for the closing so I took advantage of free groceries at a local church.  I am roasting the chicken with an orange marmelade marinade from the Joy of Kosher cookbook that I purchased a while back.  Rice pilaf and brussel sprouts accompany. I am a social meat eater. Update~ it was a hit with my son and his family.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Home fries

I have been cooking potatoes for years and never realized that the trick to homefries is a combination of frying and steaming.  The onion and garlic and spices are heated in oil first, then add the potatoes, fry them for a few minutes then add a little water and cover them for 24 minutes or so. (stir a few times)   The cook book recipe called for chili powder, I used paprika and turmeric instead.  Very tasty.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Exercise for the Mind Controlled

If you have to take neuroleptic medications in order to maintain yourself in society, I highly recommend bicycling.  Neuroleptic medications can create Parkinsonian symptoms.  Bicycling is good for Parkinson's victims and therefore also beneficial for victims/beneficiaries of neuroleptic medications.

I bicycled along the Keuka outlet this morning.  The outlet is a lovely teal blue and it is roiling.  We have had so much rain lately that the water is flowing at just about maximum height.  The Outlet trail is an old railroad bed that runs along the outlet.  No motorcycles or snowmobiles or autos are allowed.  People walk their dogs and youth gather to smoke under the trestle bridge.  I even had a communicative moment with a squirrel this morning..which happens to me occasionally.

I am trying my best to use the bicycle and the trail daily.  Now that I am a pescatarian/vegetarian I eat more carbs and need to burn them off.  I don't want to plump up again now that I am back on the mind controlling medications.  Weight gain can be a side effect.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Where is the Evil?

I blogged at home into an audio taping device to gather my thoughts prior but instead it seems that my thoughts are more exhausted than organized!
A person, a neighbor kindly suggested that I was "dark" when ill with my psychiatric disorder.  I perceive the world to be dark when I am disordered which brings me to the point that most people believe "the other" to be evil not themselves.  My mother used to say to me hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil,  that could have been programming.  I have mentioned in my blog that initially I was poisoned to become irrational, that I was given some sort of hallucinogen prior to my first episode of "Bipolar Mania."  If a person has enemies, that is someone does not like you, or a group of people, what would prevent them from slipping you something to ruin your respectability?  It is an entirely possible scenario.  This is especially true in light of the existence of MK Ultra, government controlled mind experiments, etc.  I believe that it is entirely in the realm of possibility that I am an MK Ultra person.  (Once one starts on neuroleptics, when they withdraw, the mind goes crazy.)

It is not evil for me to suspect evil from enemies.  The meaning of Satan, though, is "accuser."  We must always recall that when we accuse we become the essence of Satan.  That does not mean though, that there is no evil in the world.  People do horrible things to others.  I have suspected others aggression towards me but I have never poisoned anybody.  I am not an aggressive type of person.

When I became crazy, I imagined myself to be immortal and that others had tried to kill me many times.  I imagined others to be killers.  I have never imagined myself as a killer.  I don't even want to eat dead animals anymore.  I don't think killing is morally right under any circumstances.  I did use my dollies, my poppets, to work out any aggression I had towards perceived enemies.  I did not intend any harm to come to anyone.  I imagined myself as the Anti-Pope, but that is not really an evil thing, 'tis kinda funny.  When a person is very alone, it is possible for them to become violently antisocial.  I have never thought of myself going that route.  Apparently, others have.  Anti social violence is a pattern in society, but I do not believe myself to be that way.

It is easy for someone to point the finger at a "crazy" and call them evil, but it is not always true.

The evils that are not personal to me that I am acutely aware of when I am crazy are the environmental evils.  Loud mowing machines polluting the air and killing the planet are evil, as are all these needless pick up trucks roaming the roads.  The electronic grid heating up the environment, perhaps hurting honeybees are an evil that I see.  There is good and bad to everything, they say, so we cannot hate humanity for its so called Progress.  There is definitely an evil component to humanity's greed which is killing life on the planet earth.  ( such as the dying coral reefs near Australia).

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Where to Go When the Law Mistreats the Disabled

I am very excited to find a place for myself to complain about my legal brutalities suffered this past year.  It is called the Department of Justice.  They have a special arena to deal with the mistreatment of people with disabilities.  I will have to write a little report and give them a call.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Is It a Crime to Speak Out?

A Criminal misdemeanor charge is considered professional misconduct.  I wrote out the events in my perspective of how my charges came about and sent it in earlier than necessary to the Professional Misconduct office in Rochester, NY.  They will review it and call on all court records.  I might have to pay a fine of a few thousand dollars, which would be unfair, in my view.

It is not illegal to have view points about issues like witch craft and cannibalism in our culture.  I was not intending to harass my daughter.  Yes, I was manic.  Mania or insanity is not illegal, it is an illness.  I believe the people who are guilty of professional misconduct include the arresting officers and the Assistant DA.  They were trying to send me to Elmira Psychiatric center for speaking out about taboo topics in our culture.  I could have been given a mental hygiene arrest, but instead they treated me as one who had committed crimes.  I had not committed any crimes.  They chose the criminal avenue so that the judge could send me to Elmira.  Medicare and The Social Security office know the costs of long term commitments.  This is why the social security office called in the psych arrest.  I spouted off on tape about my insane criminal charges.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Springtime Events and Thoughts

Yesterday, I rented a ladder and worked on my peeling porch paint.  I scraped, painted/primed and raked up the flakes.  All the windows need to be done for the remortgage plans with FHA.  I will have a more reasonable payment.  I worked hard outside in the fresh air and accomplished a lot.  The remainder of the 13 windows will be done this weekend by a painting contractor.  I don't like the second story idea--up on a ladder and all.  He is half paid.

My Easter went well and I was reunited with my daughter and her family.  I still have to obey, of course, the order of protection which states, "no emails or mail by post, no texts and no visits to her home office or the children's school." We may be together in public or at my home.  It was great to see the grandkids and meet the new grandson, Peter.  He smiled readily at me, which was a good sign.  Babies have a barometer for people's good nature.  We maet at my son's home.  I made pesto lasagna which was a big hit with my son in law.  He had four servings!  It was rewarding, to feed my family again.
I took some pictures of my family on my phone.  There is a great pic, with my son holding his daughter and my daughter holding her son, and they are mirroring each other, the babies face to face.  There is another great pic with the mother's and their babes.  My grand-daughter is very good at French braiding and braided my daughter in law's hair.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Lawns and Climate Change

I stopped mowing my lawn last August and I am not going to mow it this year.  It is my effort to help with climate change.  I will see how long it gets, I call it "wild and wooly".  Hopefully, I won't be bothered by the village of PY.

More facts.

Update.  My son wants to come and mow my lawn occasionally.  I prefer to just let it go.  It seems social pressure has got the best of my green intentions.  People are like sheep, all following around using their machines to graze off the grass.  I am a reluctant black sheep in the flock on the lawn mowing issue.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Who Do You Crucify?

My coping tools are doll making and blogging.  I am stressing under the disappointment of job searching.  I can always go to the ARC and be placed non-competitively.  

I have had many patients over the years and I have never judged them harshly.  I have served in my nursing practice, prostitutes, men with swastikas tattooed on their arms (I worked in the jail) alcoholics, HIV patients, child molesters, etc.  I always recalled my role was to serve them not judge them.

I am moved with pity for people who cannot fathom what a disability is or those who judge a disabled person as someone who is responsible for their disability.  I pity them, as the are lacking in their hearts.  The have no heart, and that is one thing that deserves pity.  I am well connected in my community, it is a connection with toxic threads of judgment against me.  This web flows very strongly throughout the towns and drumlins on the Finger lakes area.

My first fault which is unforgivable to some is that I failed to love a good man.  He might be good, yes, but I could not love him.

Second fault, I longed to find love.  I searched and flirted for the quest of love.  Like the Lady with the Dog short story, I searched for love.

Third fault, I had prior to medication a sharp wit and sharp tongue.  I was medicated for that fault.

Fourth fault.  I report.  I am a narc.  If I see someone being abused, I report it.

Fifth fault.  I am a doll maker, which has voodoo connotations.

I have spent months of my life with virtually no human contact.  Total solitude for weeks and weeks.  Could you handle that?  No phone, no friends, nobody.  NOBODY.
Thank-you God for giving me an imagination to create company when none exists.  Or perhaps you send me spirits and angels when I am alone.  So Alone.

This is a Christian nation, here under God, and this is Good Friday.  Do you crucify people you fail to understand?

There are good people.  I met a very nice lady at the library today.  Thank-you God.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Good Morning World

Good morning world!
'Tis a lovely brisk April morning here in the Finger Lakes.  Penn Yan is bustling with activity as people navigate their motorized metal/plastic boxes to their jobs.  I came to the library via bicycle.  I ride on the sidewalk mostly.

This week I have been busy at work to rejoin the work force.  My resume written and I had an interview earlier in the week. I am hopeful for good results, but if not I shall persevere.

My daughter and I reunited with certain stipulations, which is fine with me.  I had no intention of ever writing any letters to her again anyway as the consequences are to expensive.  So things are going well for me this fine sunny day, and I hope that you have a great day as well.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Middle Mind Consciousness

I am have a Middle dimension consciousness at present  I am aware of all my strange perceptions from over that past few months.  I can see the insanity of some of my thoughts in retrospect.   I have perceived odd things in reality, with strange concrete evidences, so I know that my reality is bizarre at times.  I am hopeful and confident that things in my life will improve.  I am imaginative and happy.  The extreme of my bipolar would be that of the upper reaches of consciousness and the times when I have been obtunded by medications and discount all my strange thoughts as garbage would be the bowels of consciousness.  The upper reaches can be just as negative as the lower boundaries.

I am reading a historical graphic novel about American Bohemians of the 19th century.  I think I should write and illustrate a graphic novel.  I already have drawings of different episodes in my life.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Bipolar Expressions Reverted to draft

I have reverted to draft as many blog posts as I could for now, due to crazy content expressed during my mania of bipolar disorder.  There is a misconception about what bipolar means.  It means opposite expression in mood, not multiple personalities.  Multiple personalities is dissociative disorder.  Schizophrenia is more commonly figured as multiple personalities. Bipolars have extreme mood highs and extreme mood lows.  Mania is the high, depression is the low.  My Abilify maintaina shot has knocked sense back into me.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Thursday's News from the Other Side of Society

The past two days have been strike out days.  I stopped at the Raven's Landing to try to promote my poppets and Cindy said she would call and has not.  So, in my craziness, my mystical persona that I appreciate is not validated.  Next, I tried to promote my poppets via a business owner's son, who is also an artist and he was not interested either.  So my insane antics of several months have jimmied any progress out of unemployment and social isolation.  I do have hope, though, that I will be reunited with my daughter in a week, and also my grandchildren.

I have filled out and 7 or eight job applications.  No interest in an old broken down RN.

I conformed to social expectations of village home ownership and put my leaves from last fall at the roadside....sticks as well.

When I was nutzo I had a rabbit hutch built.  It is the ugliest piece of construction I have ever seen.  It was delivered and I have no use for it...tis in my backyard.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Wednesday's News in Amy's Life

This morning I made a quasi souffle for breakfast.  I am on a lock down austerity budget so I used some old dry hamburger buns, broke them up and poured over beaten eggs and milk and cinnamon and allspice.  I tossed in some pumpkin seeds and dried cranberries.  I let it soak 10 minutes then baked it for 35 minutes.  Twas a bread pudding of sorts.  I put maple syrup over the top.  Delish!

Yesterday I tested fate and wore a skirt while biking.  I caught my skirt in the chain and down I went.  I popped right back up without any injury.  Not bad for an old crone.  I will be more careful with my choice of dress.

I am back to poppet making.  I am making a poppet of Jemima Wilkinson for an Arts Council benefit in July.  Some of my snippets of cloth need airing/washing as they have been stored in the garage. She is a founding mother of  Penn Yan.  The first woman in the America to lead a religious community.

She claimed to resurrect, so perhaps she is hiding out in the area, incognito.  I doubt it.  When I was totally out there a few months ago, I would have believed she was still alive.  She might be able to let me know though, via her poppet!

I am continuing with my job hunt.  I have applications to hotels, and the State Park and others.  I am still an RN with a active license so I have not ruled out being a nurse again.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Public Apology

I would like to publicly apologize to all who I insulted or frightened during this past exacerbation of my "bipolar"existence.  I realize my mind was not tempered with good judgement and that my words and ideas flowed too freely, causing some to react with fear and insult.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Why I Cover My Head

Question:  Amy, why do you cover your head?

I have thin hair for one thing, but I also believe that a woman's qi /chi/ prana flows better with her head covered.  Ancient advice is sage advice.  The bible advises a woman's head be covered.  There must be an exit spot for prana that if covered is less reactive.  I am very reactive with my environment so I like my life force energy to be tempered in its exit flow.  I think scarves are very pretty, prettier than my thin grey hair, anyway.