Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer

Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer
And in the End was the Word, Amy's Word

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Sunday, November 12, 2017

Stranger Things Personal Review

I am watching Stranger Things on Netflix.  It is about mk ultra and different dimensions.  I enjoy watching it as I believe and have believed since 2014 that I am a part of the MK ULTra studies.

What about the series did I find correlated with my real experience?  One of the main characters, Mike has the physical facial features of my gal pal Amelia had as a child. same nose, eyes and mouth and mannerisms.

When I was out there in my mind in 2016, experiencing another dimension, my garage was slimed.  Not a huge area, just a few siding tiles had this strange goop on them.

  I see things in my closed eye vision, phosphenes, they are called.  Last night I wore my emf silver band around my head and had many more dreams than usual and I experienced phosphenic visions while awaking.  I had not experienced them in a while.

Unlike the story, I don't see monsters in the other dimension.  I see angles and demons and the demons are not evil, they are spirit manifestations that are good to me.  I see another dimension as being good and the shadow dimension is more what are reality is.  After all, all our human inventions are killing the planet, what is more shadow than that?

But,  will say that the monsters in the series were similar to my vampire cat episode in my life.  The vampire cat wanted to suck blood from a half dead chicken and was disappointed when it was cooked. The vampire cat story is another blog entry.
Steiff animals played a role in my early life as they did in Amelia's life as in the movie, especially the lion and the spotted leopard.  They are German and the Germans are a part of mk ultra.

The white cat was  used in the series, the little girl is supposed to be taught to hurt the cat with mind energy.  The white cat was a lure to the little girls murders in the alphabet murder event which occured here in the Rochester and Finger Lakes.

I enjoy seeing the products used in the early eighties and the actors are somewhat annoying.  Wynona Ryder over acts but that must be the effect the directors wanted as in the series twin peaks. (other directors).

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Halloween Cactus

My mother made this planter and I was given a christmas cactus in 2002 by my son for my birthday.  It was a Thanksgiving bloomer but this remnant cutting is blooming earlier this year...could be a sign of global warming!  I painted  the awakened eyes on the planter

I was afraid that the blossoms would fall off if the lighting changed when I brought it in, but they did not.  I brought it in due to fear of frost.

The Best Pizza in PennYan

There are different types of pizzas to be had in Penn Yan New York.  There is Cam's New York style pizza, Mark's Pizza, Pizza Hut and Silver Bird.  I had pizza in New York City in the oldest brick oven Pizzeria in the country, Lombardi's in 2003.  The closest that I have ever come to that experience is Silverbird.   There is a brick oven pizzaria in Victor, NY, Luca' that is also very good...but we are talking about Penn Yan pizzas.  I was told though that thicker dough is New york style, but when I personally recall Pizza that I have eaten in NYC I think of old world style.  I have eaten pizza at all the listed restaurants in Penn Yan, and my favorite restaurant is Silver Bird Woodfired.  I would post a link, but have not figured out how to link with a tablet.

My grandson loved chewing on the crust, and we had a great discussion about babies and allowing them to learn to navigate the skill of chewing.    A 12 month olds needs to learn about taking appropriate bites and to police to strictly out of fear of choking is doing them a disservice.    I recall giving my babies zweibeck toast, which also softened in their mouths like pizza crust.   These days the trend in baby feeding is to  mince their foods into teeny tiny pieces which I believe is a sign of people who live in a culture of fear.  Trust that your baby has the instinct to eat without choking.  If they gag a bit then they will take smaller bites.  The real dangers of choking lie in foods like peanuts, and grapes which might lodge in a wind pipe, or foods such as marshmallows.  This is a tangential conversation, though, as the topic of this blog entry is the best Pizza in Penn Yan.  My one year old grandson votes with me as he just loved the crust at Silverbird.  I took a bite out of this piece, you can see my teeth marks.  (not too photogenic)  This pizza is called the Phoenix and it has feta cheese and olives, basil and balsamic vinegar.  The service was good, and usually is.  Friday evening is pretty busy there.  There are old fashioned games to play, like a bowling game from the `1940's.  There is a bar and so you can accompany your piece of pizza with a glass of wine, if you like.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

is Leo a Maine Coon Cat?

I first thought that my little kitten was a Turkish Angora, but a friend took one look at him and said, "He looks like he has some Maine coon cat in him"  I had thought that maine coon cats were always raccoon colors, but Leo's coloring is a Cream mackerel which is one of the three most common Maine coon colors.  His behavior is similar to Maine coon cat traits.  He likes water and he makes more trilling noises than meows.  His fur is ultra soft.  He has tufted feet and they are big.  He is a very big five month old kitten.
He could be a regular old domestic longhair, or a moggie, but I think he has coon cat in him.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Information Sharing About the Medium Drama

Dear Cindy.  (email of April 7, 2017)
I know you that you are busy, perhaps you have not had time to call me.  I am a mystic as well as you and my temporary insanity of the last few month does not diminish me.  In fact, fluid states of consciousness such as what I periodically experience, can be very authentic in the realm of channeling (as with little children).  My three year old granddaughter is telepathic with me.  I am sad that you disregard me as I have not done the same with you.

Sincerely,  Amy Brandlin ( the lady with the little poppets)

I thought just for the sake of information sharing, that my listening audience on my blog should read the email I wrote to Cindy Newcomb Lane.  Does this letter sound like I was looking for anything other than a validating interaction with Cindy?  I wanted to connect as a fellow mystic, nothing more.  I was only attention seeking as a fellow seer seeks to share experiences.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

My Mental Affair with Ralph Fiennes

Has anyone ever fallen in love with a movie star?  That happened to me a few years back with Ralph Fiennes. I am a member of a face book fan club and I see women doing exactly what I did...that is doing sketches of him and watching all his movies.   I see in them what I saw in myself.  I think it is a sad thing when people are so lonely that they invent relationships with movie stars.  But, on the other hand, for me it was a useful coping tool.  Thinking and imagining about Ralph go me through a tough time..

I am now back to work and do more constructive things with my energies, but I will always remember those days when it was me and Ralph......even if it was all in my head.

All My Best to Cindy and Mark

I have been accused of fanning the flames and bashing a reputable business.  I just shared that the business was not interested in interacting with me as I was mentally off and that the business owners son ripped me off.  I did try to settle it with him and he laughed as said, "go ahead write a bad review of me, I don't care."  I am sure that Cindy at Ravens landings has not suffered one iota from my bad review.  It was just the first time I ever experienced being discriminated against and I wanted to share what it was like.  I did not want something for nothing.  I was a lonely mentally ill person looking to connect.  When I experience talking to the dead, I get classified as crazy, when other people experience it they become rich.  Cindy could have responded to my email with a response such as this.

"Amy, when you came into my establishment I felt concern for your mental state.  I am a very busy professional and I cannot take the time you need for free.  Get better and stop in a few months and I will give you small discount because my assistant said you have no funds. I wish you the best on your journey back to wellness".

Or perhaps,
"Amy, you seem to be in receipt of energies which I am not comfortable with.  At this time I cannot assist you.  Your little poppets are a bit to witchy for my tastes, but I am sure you mean well with them.  Good luck with your art."

If Cindy prides herself on being a reputable business she should treat all humans with respect and loving kindness.  Loving Kindness is a great treasure to be able to bestow on people and people appreciate validation.  I am just explaining how my personality is not a fan the flame, it is more of the teacher, educator. healer, type.

Mark, did not have to accuse me of being a narcissist.  That was an insult.  I told them they were only human in their failings and in response I was told I was still very sick and full of bad energy.  Mark, a former cna, insulted me about my nursing as well.  That is fanning the flames.  Mark, since terminology means so much to you let me tell you, it is not all about status.  The term secretary is not insulting to most of the population.  It is just your desire for social status that is making you react that way.  Status is not what life is all about.  Being kind is very important and you know as well as I do that you and Cindy where laughing about me when you went in and spoke to her and promised she would call me.  That was not kind.

I do not doubt that Cindy helps many people, just not ones who put her out of her comfort zone.  She likes to help normal people, I am thinking.  But if she is going to be choosey that something like this could happen to her again...I guess not, not many women up north blog.   Anyway, Cindy implied my publicity was helpful for business.  I even had a passing thought if she would give me a ten percent discount as she promised to all who mentioned reading the blog.  I just related my experience, was not bashing.  I am a person who is filled with loving kindness and I can even bestow my good healing energies on Cindy and Mark.  Bless your hearts, like Mark said.  

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Do Not Criticize the Prevailing Religion

I you criticize the prevailing religion, here in the freedom of speech usa, your blog reads might drop substantially over night.  I believe my blog was taken out of circulation because I criticized Christianity.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary

It was one year ago today that I felt compelled to pray for my inlaws deceased members of their family.  As punishment for praying for my enemies I have a legal criminal record.I happened to drive by my daughters house while the school bus picked up my grandchildren and because I obeyed traffic laws regarding a school bus I was illegally arrested for violating an order of protection.  I never even got out of my automobile.  I did not go to trial for fear of more injustice that was entirely possible in the horrible county of Ontario.  If you are a family with troubles be sure, that the DA will stick it to you.  Ontario county is the law of injustice.

Am I a practising Christian?  no.  I gave it up when I realized a few important messages.  One is that it is a religion of cannibal imagery.  I am not a cannibal.  I learned that from my father, Fred.  Secondly, the christian message is one where in the revolutionary is murdered and can only help you in another dimension.  It is okay in this meme to murder revolutionaries.  I do not believe it is right, as revolution is important for making gains in growth in the human collective consciousness.  If it is okay to kill revolutionaries we will never make strides in our broken human condition.

Who ever this God is, she wanted me to stop praying the Rosary for my exlaws and their patriarchs.  I love the Blessed Mother, but I will not have a criminal record with no lesson taught to me. If you wear a crucifix you will imitate christ and if you pray the rosary you might imitate christ as well, like  being punished when you committed no crime.

do you qualify for their healing touch?

In Apriil of this year- or there abouts I stopped into the establishment of Cindy Lane Newcombs to connect with her.  I wanted to share my experience of communicating with my poppets and my general life story.  My father had died in 2014 but I did not have the money for a reading.  I was interested to see if she and I could connect on a different level.  I get messages from another dimension and I wanted to see if she would validate my experience.  Sadly, she would not.  She ignored my email and phone call.  Apparently, she is not interested in communicating with a medium who is not for hire and had a diagnosis of the tag mentally ill.  Her establishment does not interact with less than narcissists.  Her administrative assistant commented on my original panning of her establishment to let me know that with non narcissitic people she is smoozes and is a god sent intervention to their unhappiness.  I do not merit contact with her because I am a narcissist.

In the South, there are plenty of blogging women, I have read their blogs.  In the North, if you share your life in the blog format, you are a narcissist.  I did not merit Cindy's healing intervention because I was mentally ill and my energies were more than she cared to interact with, even though my illness had subsided sufficiently by the time I wanted to share my poppets with her.  She did not and would not take the time to interact with me because she perceived me as less than any kind of person worthy of  her attention with bad energies.

She did not care to try to help me with my energies that were dark or bad, as I was concerned about sex slavery and other dark subjects that may or may not exist in our culture.

Behind semi-closed doors she and her assistant laughed at me and my condition and she would not respond to me.  Now they want me to be sufficiently medicated so that I withdraw or take down my original complaint of their discrimination.  That I refuse to do.

I am very much in my right mind at this point in my life and more medication will not take down my complaint. If you turn away clients because of your misperceptions, you will have to pay.  It is not evil energy, it is just desserts.

Now, the fact that Mark took it upon himself to share how nice she was to a normal client is more salt into my rejection wound.

I even had a dream of a raven landing on a branch and was still sent away.  I, a former secretary, was then berated for not realizing that secretary is now a bad word.   What the heck.  I even can tell a raven from a crow and I was rejected and then again berated for complaining how they would not tend to my spiritual inquiry.  I was even accused of not being a compassionate person.  I am a person who has worked with prisoners, the mentally disabled, the hospice patient and the normal aged patient as well.  I have done the most challenging nursing work, and still do.  So much is my dedication that I went into my place of work at 3 am to pass meds.  I normally do not pass meds but since there is such a nursing shortage, I took it upon myself to be a good servant to humanity.

Cindy and Mark employed discrimination when they rejected me.  I am a different sort of person, be it at my baseline normal or my revolutionary outspoken deluded persona.  I am not evil or filled with darkness or dangerous at any point in time in my life.  They messed up and they owe me an apology.  With a free reading and an apology then and only then will I remove my truthful posts.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Radiology Secretary 1980

What was it like to be a radiology secretary in 1980?  It was not an easy job.  I had to man the window, schedule procedures, type reports and file films in a big room of xrays in paper folders.  It was an interesting time in the field, as ct imaging had just come out.   We also had a nuclear medicine department.  I was newly married to my dairy farmer husband.  I got pregnant right after I got married, so I was pregnant and working around x rays.  My daughter was  born normal and has had three healthy children, so I don't perceive any ill effects.

I took secretarial classes after I dropped out of Ithaca College.  While at IC I took medical terminology because I knew that I wanted to work as a medical secretary.  I dropped out of the secretarial program because I got the job in radiology.  I have only ever been able to type about thirty words a minute.  They are big words, though!  (as you shall read.)

This  was a time when people were still allowed to smoke while they worked.  There were ashtrays everywhere and my manager, Terry, smoked as well as most of the technicians. I recall being upset when a dying patient had to lay on stretcher breathing the smoke from the cigarette that the technician was puffing away on.  While pregnant I would take fresh air breaks from the cigarette smoke in the department and go sit my swollen body outside on a bench next to the duck and swan pond.

I can recall being frustrated that I was consistently pulled away from what ever I was focussing on.   Typing a report, had to answer the phone.   Checking people in at the window was interesting.  One time there was a policeman off duty showing off his gun.  We thought he was a nut case.  I recall typing a report and mistyping and having to correct three copies with white out.  The reports were three layer carbon.  I recall spelling Highland hospital 'hyland" when I sent out films in a big brown package.

One time I scheduled the doctor to do two procedures at the same time.  "How is dr Braff supposed to do an IVP and a barium enema at the same time?" they asked.  (Must have been my lead poisoning.)

I was getting married, but I had a little crush on Roger.  He was tall, with Native American ancestry.  He was one of the technicians.  He showed me his pride and joy, from his wallet, two little pictures of pride and joy detergents.  Tom another technician who had lived in nyc did not like roadstand sweet corn because of the bugs.  Road stand sweet corn is ten times fresher and tastier than grocery store corn, Tom!  He also laughed at my peeled carrot that I brought in as part of my lunch,  It was not cut into sticks.

Dr Braff was the radiologist and he and his wife gave me a lovely woven baby blanket.  He was tall and thin and Jewish.  I really liked him.  I complained to him about the cigarette smoke.  I was ahead of my time, apparently.

Terry, the manager, he was watching the television series, Dallas.  He would take his children for happy meals at mac donalds.

There was also Paul, a tech, he said I had a radio voice, a very nice compliment.

I recall, Marie, a gruff professional and then Edith, another technician.  Eddie gave me a lecture about how you must remove the cotton from medicine bottles as it gets germs on it.  She could not believe, that I, a doctor's daughter, did not know that bit of important info.

Chris was the name of the greatest nurse in the hospital.  She was extremely professional and kind.  She attended to the people during the procedures and placed iv sites.

My coworker, Cheryl, was trying to get pregnant for years.  It did not happen until she got a different job.  The secretarial stress was keeping her from getting pregnant.

I can recall hearing doctor Braff's voice pronouncing "spondylolisthesis" and "pace maker pack overlying the sternum..."   "No acute infiltrate." on the dictophone machine.

  I only worked there about a year.`

I recall my first employee evaluation.  I was not perky and friendly enough.  (I was nervous and a little over worked.)  He chocked it up to my being pregnant.  I was surprised that they brought in two or three new positions to spread the work out better after I left.

Thank you Mark, the administrative assistant, for inspiring this memoir of my first full time job as a radiology secretary.

Ramblings to Figure out If I Really Qualify as a Narcissist

I once had a patient I will name Q.  I did home care and he knew me in 2005, as I did daily visits to his home.  He said, "Amy, you are the most self deprecating person I have ever met.  Why have you no confidence?"  I don't believe that self deprecation is a symptom of narcism, so our friend at the healing center in town, Mark of Cindy Newcomb Lanes could be wrong in his differential diagnosis.  I researched narcism in women and I don't believe I really fit the pattern.  I don't think all men are crazy about me and I don't think all my friends are idiots.  I am not self absorbed in my appearance, never having been to a tanning booth and I have no tattoos.(not that that defines narcissism either)

I suffer from Stigma and having self confidence is a great accomplishment for someone who has to cope with stigma.  I will not apologize for having self confidence. I am a writer as well as a former SECRETARY.

One of my early career choices was medical SECRETARY.  I never felt any shame when I was a radiology secretary in 1980 at clifton springs hospital and clinic.  It was a difficult job and they replaced me with THREE secretaries after I left the position to be a full time mother.

addendum:  I just did more research on narcissism.  I don't shame others, in fact shaming really bothers me in general.  I don't have poor boundaries.  I respect peoples boundaries and expect to have mine respected.  I do have relationships that I have maintained for years, I can name several.  I will admit that I use magical thinking in my reality.  I have a healthy interest in what others say...I is not all about me.

What Made Me Such a Narcissist?

I was just recently diagnosed by Cindy Newcomb Lanes admin assistant as being a narcissist.  I believe that is someone inordinately in love with ones self.  Mark put out a comment on my Evil Entrepreneurs post with my latest diagnosis.  I have often wondered if I was a narcissist.  Mark sent out the suggestion that I get my medication levels straightened around so that I am not as sensitive to insults, such as being laughed at when I went there for help.  When I pass their establishment I am actually saddened that we did not connect about what we have in common.  I am still a licensed practicing nurse and I still communicate with the dead.  My experience is not valid, though as I have been stamped with a mental illness stigma.  Why am I so in love with myself?  That is the question.  Here are some possible reasons,

1. Rule out medical first.  Start with the medical reason.  My dad gave me bone meal and dolomite to chew on.  He thought he was giving me strong bones , but instead gave me a low dose of lead poisoning.
2.  I married at 19 because my boyfriend begged me never to leave him.  I sacrificed my happiness to keep our family together for 23 years.  It started because I wanted warm little babies to love.
3.  I never experienced romantic love till I was in my fifties.  Finding love is the goal of the adolescent and young adult per psychological development.  I was always searching for love in all the wrong places when I was married.  That is why I like the story of the Lady with the little dog.  A Russian novella mentioned in Ralph Fiennes "the Reader", movie.  He also explores illicit love in his movie, The Invisible Woman.  This showed me how strong our need is to be loved as humans beings, and that Romantic love transcends societal rules.

I was extremely vexed by my inability as a woman to find romantic love for over thirty years.  There was Stephen my brother in law, then the pediatrician and other man after another with which I struck out.  I must have at some point decided loving my reflection was better than the rejection I constantly received from men.

I was searching for non romantic love, acceptance and validation from Cindy Lane Newcomb, but I got rejection and mockery.

Is mockery the latest treatment for narcissism?

I do enjoy drawing self portraits and I have believed myself to be the center of the universe, as my conscious experience is all that I know.  I actually have believed I was Mary Magdalen reincarnated.  Low self esteem is supposedly the cause of megalomania.  Do narcissists have low self esteem while being inordinately in love with themselves?  Or are they diametric opposites?  I think that the lead poisoning by my well intentioned father is the root cause of my horrible selfish personality.  I don't think that my heart being blessed by Mark will cure me of that, but I am thankful for his blessing.

Doping people so they continually take psychological abuse is a pet peeve of mine so I have to disagree that I need to take more medications.

Interestingly, last year when I was sick, I painted all the mirrors in my home.  Would a true narcissist do such a thing?

Thursday, September 28, 2017

What is New with Your Kitten, Amy

I brought home a lovely kitten and we are doing fine.  He is very respectful, rarely waking me in the morning.  I have taken on a room renter  into my home and she and her cat are getting to know him.  It is not easy, after being alone for seven years to share my personal space.  My home has been my haven in a perceived hostile world.  It is not easy to open ones home to some one you love, let alone a stranger.  The cats are getting along fairly well and the women are too.  There are occasional problems,such as disturbed sleep from creaky floor boards and missing coffee cups,but for the most part things are flowing okey dokey.

Working at a new job is an adjustment as well.  Nursing home-rehab facility work is not easy work.  Staffing is a huge problem.  I miss the days of single documentation.  Everything these days involves a computer.  Double work.  Not fun.

Back to the widdle wion cwub weo.  He is rambunctious and stalks the pet mice.  He eats the beloved Madagascar dragon plant.  I have to deal with cat shit daily.  I don't like dealing with cat shit.  He was neutered and that cost money as did his shots.  I have spent over three hundred dollars on this destructive brat that I picked up at the laundry mat.  I love him regardless but I must admit I miss the days when I did not have him as a responsibility.  Cats are not as loving as dogs, and they can be mean.  Mean and bratty to their owners, their companions and to the world in general.  They are predators, after all.  When I wrote that I was stalked by the cat spirit, I was not joking.  Then he purrs and rubs up against my leg and I am thankful that he is my friend.  

Dream Time Messages updated

Spirits communicate with people most often as they (people) are just waking up.  I was spoken to last night.  "Brandon Fisher"  I researched Brandon Fisher today.  He is an actor and director born in 1980.   He has been involved in several movies, criminal minds, Hack Shack and Hibiscus.  Why was his name whispered to me from another dimension, that is the question.  I had never heard of him or even thought of him.  I will have to watch these movies, perhaps there is a message that the spirits are trying to communicate to me.  I am sure that there is.  I really have no interest in Hack Shack, I hate gorey movies.

update: brandon fisher is also a football dude..  I have no connection with football what so ever.  Brandon fisher is also a convicted murderer who killed his parents with a baseball bat.  I have dishonored my parents memory as I have written about some of the poor judgment they had raising me as well as suspecting that they slipped me halucinogens.  I had a vision of seeing the Virgin Mary speak to me from a holy card after I attended a party at their home.  I recall feeling strange at the party.  That was in 2001.  I was seen by a physician while being hospitalized and he told me, "your father is a very bad man."  Somebody knew that shit was going down.

This is the anniversary of my father's death.  If he were a saint it would be his feast day.  He was saintly in some aspects and not so saintly in other aspects, like most of us.

I was good to them, why would I be visited by a spirit in the morning that gave me a clue, Brandon Fisher, I don't know.  I was thinking, since one Brandon Fisher is a horror movie maker that I have an idea for a horror film.  Somebody goes to a horror film and spirits from the film follow the person home and it becomes a movie about a movie haunting, a Mis en abyme of sorts.  Like a painting of a painter painting a painting.  There is a famous painting of that which I shall share after I look it up. Diego Valezquez painted a famous painting of a little girl and a midget and a dog.  What ever, that is the idea...a horror movie that has a plot that the horror invades a member of the audience.....Like when I saw the movie Annabelle and then so the demon face in the pattern on the wall right after watching the movie.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Steam Sauteed Cabbage

Here in America say cabbage it usually means coleslaw.  There is another great way to prepare cabbage that is very tasty.  The cruceferous vegetables are very healthy for you.  They fight cancer.

To make steam fried cabbage first fry up an onion in olive oil till tender then add thinly sliced cabbage.  I added sunflower seeds.  You can also add garlic or add it later as powder.  I prefer raw garlic, but if I forget I will use powder.  Add some water to the cabbage to help it cook faster then let it cook off after uncovering and the cabbage is good an limp.  You want it to be browned so play with the heat settings.  My mother made this recipe, that is how I know about it.  It would go really well with Mrs.T's perogies.  Vinegar goes really well with it  too, as vinegar accompanies brussel sprouts nicely.  Sauteed brussel sprouts are good made this way too.  The carmelized onions add to to cabbage sweetness.

I had an discussion with family about cabbage, my family member said that cabbage can go bad.  I have hardly ever found a cabbage head that I could not cut away the grey areas or take off the limp leaves and find a good veggie hidden beneath the outer covering of gray.....I say cabbage does not go bad, you just cut away the gray and it tastes fine.  Of course add some salt and freshly ground pepper when you sprinkle it with vinegar at the end of preparation.  I reread my writing and it is choppy.  Must be my writing skills are being blunted the state of NY  overdosing me on my psych med.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Medical Fascism, Mind Control

In the mental health arena it is not permitted to believe in guardian spirits..  If you are in a mental health situation and admit to hearing a guiding presence you will be considered abnormal and in need of more medication.  THe line, Hearing Voices is used and it is considered abnormal and must be treated to made to go away, even if the person considers them helpful guiding spirits.  There is no proof of angels or demons either way, but humanity has always believed in such.  If you receive communication you must be medicated to obliterate any such guidance that they are giving you.  It is not just the schizos in society that hear voices or guiding presences.  If you listen to Leonard Cohen, he had guiding voices too.  It is a gift of spiritual nature and it has been slammed by those who hear nothing in their minds but their own selves.

I was under the impression that I was receiving a static dose of medication but in actuality is that the plasma concentration increases each month.  If I had not complained, at what point would I be considered to be saturated enough with neuroleptics?  when i no longer lived a life with imagination and faith?  When my personality became totally obliterated?  I have lost much of my creativity and spontaneity. If my imagination is not insulting or badgering any body why on earth is it important change who I am via the medications?

It is medical fascism.....obliteration of individuality for conformity and mind control.  It truly is fascist in my case as my psychiatric providers are the state of NY.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Stewed Home Grown Tomatoes

When I was a farm wife many years ago, I grew my own Roma tomatoes and canned my own sauce.  I did this for 23 years or so.  I would put up fifty quarts of spaghetti sauce or at least 4 or 5 batches, some in pints.  I would put the tomatoes raw through a food mill and then add cooked peppers and onions, spices and paste.  I did a batch of sauce with my daughter in law two  years ago.  I am not that keen on tomato sauce these days, since I read that the nightshade family of veggies can stir up arthritic inflammation.  I have arthritis in my fingers which has flared up the past few months.  Now, this year I did put in a few tomato plants but I don't  participate in a big sauce making adventure.  I just blanch them in boiling water and peel them and stew them with some herbs and onions.  This method of eating my own home grown tomatoes is just as fun and satisfying as doing a whole batch of sauce. As a child I hated stewed tomatoes but I like them now.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Parallels with Annabelle

I just returned from watching the blockbuster horror movie Annebelle:creation.  Spoiler alert.  I have a few criticisms.  One is that a nun is depicted forgiving sins.  Nuns do not have the power to forgive sins and I doubt if they would behave as the nun did in the movie, even if it was just practice.    I like the way they tell the story.  The couple missed their daughter so much that they went to the dark side to be able to see her again and what they got was a dose of very evil darkness.

When I was in full blown mania, last year, I thought I was being watched.  I have to laugh at the string of coincidences used in the story of Annebelle: Creation and my life.  The father of the deceased is a doll maker.  I make dolls.  I made eyeballs out of clay and the movie starts out with eyeballs.  I had other delusions about eyeball collections of dead famous people.  Eyeballs are creepy.  I pasted and decoupaged my doors with scripture from an old beat-up bible.  I have an old doll house like in the movie.  The devil is depicted as a black dragon, similar to the toy dragon I had used in my art and photo doll essays.  The song that is a theme song in the movie was a theme song in my life, (You Are My Sunshine.)  My grand daughter played it over the phone to me while I was in the looney bin.

I don't know where the parallels come from.  Are  my brainwaves subconsciously tapped into via the collective consciousness by the movie makers?  (without their knowledge).   I don't believe that I am spied on anymore, but the parallels are very odd.  Perhaps I tap into their energies while they are planning the movie.

When I came home, I found that the cat had upturned my turtle night light.  When I went to pick it up it blinked out, prior to my touching it.  After I went to the movie I stopped at mc donalds for a fish sandwich.  I used the bathroom and on the bathroom wall, in the irregular tile pattern, I saw a little demon face scowling at me.  Strange.   I have seen such before.  There are evil spirits in the world.  I don't worship the devil of course, nor have I ever tried to conjure any evil spirits.  One thing that the nun says is opposite to what the church says.  She says that the devil preys on the weak.  I have always been taught that the devil preys on the people of strong faith.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

The Truth about America

Wake up America!  The truth is out!  The American culture is very racist.  I read the media coverage regarding Trumplestilskin and his waffling position and am amazed.  There is a prevailing myth that America is a nice place for minorities.  It is not.  Racism was noted by Einstein in the 1950's and it has not changed much, it is just sneakier, less blatant and encoded.  When I was ill last year, this aspect of the American culture really bothered me.  If you are a minority or a person with a stigma, like myself, the mainstream populace wants to shut you up or shut you away.  You have to know your place.  This President of ours is like the big racist boil on the Body of America and it is coming to a head.  As a person with a stigma I can relate to racism.  A black man heard my story and even told me that I was as they are.

Some in our country subscribe to the idea that we are a land of equal opportunity.  We are certainly not.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Natural Garden Beauty

My garden, while not carefully tended, has some natural beauty.  Here is what is going on.
The comfrey survived transplantation and is sending up new leaves.
Up close shot of the comfrey.

Zinnia, lone survivor and poke weed, which is great for dying material.

A mysterious wildflower reminiscent of a forget-me -not.

A dragon fly stopped in for a photo op.

Basil ready for pesto.

Mr. White Pine sending out new shoots, getting well established.

Giant Russian Sunflowers.

Zinnia up close.


Pink Rose.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Time To Meditate

When I was seventeen my mother arranged for me to take transcendental meditation classes.  I will admit that I have never put it into regular practice.  Mostly, I meditate occasionally.  I have attended yoga classes and done shivasana several times a week, but not on my own.  I think now would be a good time to try to meditate regularly.    I recall how our consciousness is similar to an onion, with layers.  One starts out with two cleansing breaths and finishes with the same.  You repeat a mantra over and over and this helps to quiet your mind.  Thoughts come in and you just let them pass through.  You don't want to battle in your mind, so you do not fight the brain's tendency to want to think.  You want to sit up straight.  Some meditators keep their eyes slightly open and this is something I have not ever done.  I close my eyes.  I suppose I could work on that.  As you descend into a meditative state, your arms might feel funny, as if they are upside down or disconnected.

Meditation can help you to be a calmer and more centered person.  Ones brainwaves enter a deep sleep state.  I know this as I had an EEg while meditating due to my visions and the people doing the eeg thought I had slept, while I was just meditating for the entire study.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

On Moving Forward

I took all my controversial posts about my private history down.  I am moving forward and I do not want to ruminate about old negative energies.  Thanks for all the readers who sent positive mental energies to me.  I have work to do.  I started at new job and I want to make more of my little dolls.  I have plenty to focus on that is positive, including many friendships and family life.  Yesterday I planted some comfrey I got from some friends.  I planted it in the dead zone in my back yard.

I am coming free from my past.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Sumac Tea

I am so excited.  For years I have wanted to make sumac tea and this morning I am actually doing it.  For those whoo believe that I am trapped by my memories of abuse, you can see that I am breaking out of my mental illness cage.  I am doing it by fulfilling a life long dream to drink sumac tea.  It is not poison after all!

I awoke little dizzy this morning.  I hope my new kitten did not give me any earmites!  The earmites are out to get me!!!!!!  I don't really believe that I have earmites.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Baking Soda

Green River. Wyoming gives us trona which is the ore that produces baking soda.  My grandparents had very good teeth and they brushed them with baking soda.  I highly recommend using baking soda for your teeth rather than all those expensive sweetened products.  My dental hygienist says baking soda actually kills the bacteria that causes tooth decay.  Baking soda is manufactured by chemical means or mined as trona, a natural soda ash deposit.  Your teeth will feel very clean.  I just dampen my tooth brush and then dip it into some baking soda in the palm of my hand.    Don't forget to floss regularly as well.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Cherry Crepes

I love international cuisine.  Here is my breakfast.  It tasted so delicious that I wanted to share in case others are bored with everyday fare of American culture.

It would have been better if I had farmer cheese to fill them with.  I topped them with plain yogurt and filled them with bought cherry pie filling.  I will be able to use my own canned cherries if I thickened and sweeten them.  I halved the recipe and still have some for lunch ideas.  Perhaps creamed tuna will be my next crepe adventure.  

Monday, July 31, 2017

How Do You Perceive Status?

As a young girl I developed a discomfort with status.  This was after I had lived in a foreign country during my formative years 2-5.  Arriving in USA at age six was like coming to a whole new world.  I must of realized that doctors (my father was a doctor) have high status and I became uncomfortable with status.  I wanted to be like everybody else, not special or exalted.  As an RN I deal with status in my role in society.  As a labeled bipolar entity I am threatened with a "less than" status which I am equally uncomfortable with.  When I get a mean comment, like last week, where my reviews are treated as aberrant behavior from a "less than" in society, rather than a critical review from an educated woman I become agitated.  I do not become agitated enough to lose my compassionate stance in life, though.  I can see where others are more comfortable with their status and see that as a means to look down on others.  My review of Cindy Lane Newcomb's treatment of me was not attention seeking, like she implied.  I am not an attention seeking little less than entity.  I am an educated professional person, anyone's equal.  Others might not have my intuition or compassion.

 I have worked as a nurse for years and years, as a hospice nurse in fact.  I have a special connection with the dead.  I have lessened the suffering of many in their final hours.  I might have been the last connection some have had to a caring individual in their final hours.  People when they are transitioning to the other side are in a very special place and I am honored to be a part of their journey as a nurse.  I also have connections with other types of people in society treated as less than, like the mentally retarded. (pc developmentally disabled)  These people, with their sufferings are very angelic.  I have been honored to work with them.  I see each person as a special individual....all people.  I have worked in the jail system as well.  I have compassion for all and do not desire myself to be elevated above anybody.  My role as a nurse necessitates some sort of elevation but I see it as a service role.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Leo Debuts in His First Cat Video

Little brown fancy knows she has the advantage.  She looks a little plump.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Care of Plants, Animals, and Coincidence

The greening of the aloe plants is happening before our eyes.

The plant vibe I get is one of relief and expectation.....

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Widdle Bitty Wion Cwub Weo

When I was a little girl I considered myself a cat person and even subscribed to the Cat Fancy magazine.  Then Jenny, my spirit jin dog came into my life and I became more dog oriented.  Dogs are much more of a commitment than cats, with the walking and all.  A few weeks ago a cat hung around in the dark on rainy nights meowing plaintively alternating with a commanding yeowl.  I did not trust this tricolor cat and decided I would shoo her away with a water bottle squirt attack.  I did not have to, it was as though she got the telepathic message and stayed away.  I imagine she had a family somewhere close or was ferrel, but after the tale of the Vampire cat I was not up for taking in a stray.....until...this morning.

I came into the laundry mat and a young black guy told me he had just let in this kitten (I termed it a widdle bitty wion cwub.)  He saved it from being hit on main street.

When my encounter occurred with Kali-cat the vampire, a sage old cat advised me not to react with violence towards her, which I did not.  This cat was named Leo and lived in a flower shop.  Widdle bitty wion cwub has similar coloring and markings as Leo had.  I did not rush into deciding to rescue this little lost orphan, I thought it through, did a coin toss (which I disobeyed) and talked it over with a young girl in the laundry matt.  A generous middle aged gentleman from Israel paid for my drying time as I had no remaining quarters and Tops gave me a dollar off Purina Kitten Chow with an immediate coupon.  My economics improved markedly yesterday with a new job and I guess the spirit of cat is stalking me, wanting me to be with a kitten.  I named him Leo after the sage  cat Leo.  I also noticed a cob web on his head that looked like a halo around his ears.  I have a theory that some pets are really angels in disguise.

He chose the guest bunk bed for his nap.  I then went to the Post office and who is parked next to me when I came out?  The animal control officer.  I  went and knocked on his window and asked if he comes out on late rainy nights for ferrel cats which he did not answer.  Instead he told me about his barn cats and the kittens the wandering Tom has sired.  That is the meaning of irony.  He was a very sweet old man character.  I told him about the kitten in the laundry mat.   I counselled with a friend and we agreed a poster of CAT FOUND should be put up, just in case somebody is missing da widdle bitty wion cwub weo.

I refuse to claim the title Cat Thief into my criminal dossier.

On Plants

 If you can care for plants then you can progress to caring for people and animals.  I believe he is right.  As an eleven year old girl, I had a plant collection on my window sill.  They only partially obscured the view from the neighbor boy's window, but they tried, anyway.  I had spider plants, a huge avocado that I had started from seed, little orange trees I had started, baby tears, and a few others that I cannot recall.  This is the blue coffee pot my mother gave me as a child for me to water my plants with.  My son asked for it, and I told him, yes you can have it, after I am dead.

My mother opened "The Plant Store" and that is where I had my first working experience at age 16 and 17 on Crane Street, Clifton Springs.  This store was not really a florist, it was more like a houseplant and accessory store.  It had hanging  baskets, and an assortment of greenery like ferns, norfolk island pines, etc.  When I went off to Ithaca College I brought a norfolk Island pine with me.

My father was an organic gardener when I was a teenager and his favorite herb was comfrey.  We would feed it to our chickens.  My children have cuttings from those very same plants.  Dad made a poultice for my arm when I injured it in a bicycle accident in 1975.
This plant, maybe called a lipstick plant was one of my fathers.

I have and old antique table which held my plants at the farmhouse on 3023 Taylor road.  My mother would come and scold me that I was not taking good enough care of them. I had a theory that a sign of my good mental state was when my plants looked healthy.

My mothers mother, Bessy was known for her lovely African violets.  My mother related that her secret was feeding them her leftover Tea.  I have grown African Violets as well, with varying levels of success.

This is a donkey's tail that was my mothers, she passed away in 2001.

My daughter is a plant person and so is my son.  They both have lovely gardens.  My son is known for his great garlic and my daughter even grows her own leeks.

My son has a burn plant which I offered to put into intensive care for him.  It came with  his purchase of his home.  This Aloe was in sad shape.  I had noticed that one I neglected was able to resurrect itself with proper care, so I offered to help him with his in exchange for some of the cuttings.    These photos are in reverse time order.  The top photo is more recent.  As you can see, they are greening up.

When one is caring for children, babies, it is easy to let plant care slide. 
This christmas cactus is a fragment of one that was given to me by my son for my birthday in 2002.  My mother made the ceramic head planter and I made her eye open and gave her color.  The cactus needs fertilizer, which I gave it this morning..
 Many believe plants have a level of consciousness and that you must talk to your plants to share vibrations with them.

One time a gal pal brought me her croton to resurrect, but I figured it was past saving and I insulted her and tossed it.  I have my plant sins, to ya know.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Some Spirit Poppets Speak

John the Baptist has a message for all caught up in Amy's
review of Cindy and Chris.  He says all will be right if they repent of their sins toward Amy.  They don't perceive of any of the parties as being evil, only human.  Humans can get caught up in status and money.

John is posing with his mother and father, Elizabeth and Zachariah. In time and space the parents of John were not alive when John was an adult.  In heavenly time they are all together.  Just like you are when you speak to a world renown medium like Cindy.
Rasputin, another misunderstood maligned mystic agrees.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Evil Entrepreneurs ?

People liked to characterize me as being evil when I was manic.  I don't believe that I was evil, but I saw much evil in the world.  I had conspiracy theories and theories that people were cannibals.  I wrote scary letters to former friends and acquaintances explaining my theories about our society.  I would stop in and chat at shops and places of business.  One such spot was Cindy Lane -Newcomb's "healing" establishment.  I went in a few times and blabbed about my theories.  They nodded and I went on my way.  I stopped in when I was transitioning from ill to well.  She called her secretary into her office in front of me and I heard them laughing behind semiclosed doors.  The secretary said, "Cindy will call you" and he asked for my number.  Cindy has a talent for speaking with the dead.  I was interested to talk with her regarding my poppets, which I believed were spirit poppets.  She never called me and she never answered my email. Her actions or lack of proved to me that she is not very talented at healing or even a very caring individual.

As you can see she has an alphabet soup after her name.

She might just give you a big old iron shaft.  There are two warning iron shafts in her door stoop. Her establishment is called Raven's landing.  I was not given a landing spot.

I have and equally interesting story to share about her son.  He operates a pawn style shop a few blocks away.  His signs says "We Buy Gold".  He practically steals gold especially from dim witted mental patients.  I went to him with some rings and he took advantage of my compromised mental state.  I sold him ring that I paid a couple thousand dollars for three hundred and I traded a fourteen karate princess cut quarter karate diamond ring for some ten karate hollow gold earrings.  He would not make the deal right after I came to my senses.

There are good people in the world but this mother and son are not to be trusted.  This is a fair review of two people who showed their true colors to a person they thought was less than them and not mentally with it.

By the way, they are not allied with each other.  The son will come right out and say his mother is a fake.

I told him he was going to get a bad review in return for not making the deals we made more fair.  He said "a Deal is a deal."  I was going there when I was in the process of remortgaging my home.  He wanted to buy it from me for way less than it was worth.  He saw a person in need and in desperation and was trying to take all he could.  His name is Chris.  This little red barn is where he conducts his evil schemes to rob the desperate.  His mother robs the emotionally desperate, I would conclude, as she has no healing gift (in my experience) and he robs the financially desperate.
Chris is especially proud of his blue eyes, and Aryan ancestry.  I know this as he told me so.  He and his mother look very much alike.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

High Functioning and Logical

I have been getting a lot of blog reads.  The writings of late 2015 and 2016 were quite imaginative.  I cannot say that I hold the same eccentric beliefs that I held during those times when I was unmedicated.  I have taken psych drugs for years and when I went off my medications my brain went into a withdrawal state and I had many bizarre thoughts which I shared on my blog.  I still believe that I was given drugs initially that made it appear that I had bipolar.  Now that I have taken toxic drugs for years, (30) my brain is injured and cannot function without the medications.  It can function, correction, but not in a way compatible with society's expectations.

I am currently on what I call, my "shut up shot" and I am very high functioning.  I have been cleaning cottages for two months and do a fine job.  I am going back to my nursing career.  I have mended several friendships and am interacting appropriately with most people, most of the time.  My family relationships are also stable and congenial.  If there are any other people who have known me in the past and I have estranged, I would welcome any outreaches.  

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Tuesday Night Self Portraits

I have not sketched in months!

Sunday, July 16, 2017

I Touched a Bunny

I was in my garden removing the poke weed and other poisonous plants when I came upon a baby rabbit.  I was unsure if it was in good health as it had not fled upon hearing my footsteps.  I reached out and touched it and said, "Are you okay?" where upon it darted  under the rose bushes.

Mother rabbit must be quite appreciative that I risked jail time to give her and her litter a home.  In college I was taught that in addition to the horrors of racism that there is also a societal affliction called "species -ism".  The rabbits in the neighborhood must gather together and share that "our lives matter as well."  They must be distraught about these humans and there self centered views..  I am especially interested if humans are reincarnated to animals to be taught a lesson about self importance.

I am not a criminal, so I will have to follow the human's directive to mow down the grass, even though doing so will destroy a haven for the little rabbits.  Interestingly the rabbits have not eaten my tomatoes, basil, parsley or sunflowers.  The have enough grass I suppose.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Beaten into Lawn Submission

The conformists have beaten me with their desire for my lawn to match theirs.  Someone called the code officer after the party with all the wild animals and birds in my yard.  I got a letter today which was quite dishonest.  It claimed my front lawn as well as the back was out of conformance to code.  I have mowed the front within the last three weeks and it is not over ten inches.  I was saddened to see that code officers exaggerate claims.  The law is to be honored and respected but when they lie, they lose my respect.  I have tomatoes and parsley, basil, sunflowers and some wildflowers in my attempt at a garden in the back yard.  These lawn enforcers
cannot just march in here and plow down my garden with a mower.  I called and emailed pictures to prove that my lawn was not over ten inches and I mowed the front and the back where I could.   The back will need a weed wacking.  My son has promised to do such tomorrow.  The code officer threatened me with fines and jail time.  JAIL TIME.

I wrote in my email that the planet is dying because of all these motors and that the survivors will most certainly have a greater respect for a more naturalized look.  There will be a day of reconning for people who fail to love and respect the natural world.  Weeds are often healing herbs and can be quite beautiful.  I will share a photo of Queen Annes Lace in the morning when it is light out .....on their dying day.