Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer

Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer
And in the End was the Word, Amy's Word

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Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Tuesday Night Self Portraits





I have not sketched in months!

Sunday, July 16, 2017

I Touched a Bunny

I was in my garden removing the poke weed and other poisonous plants when I came upon a baby rabbit.  I was unsure if it was in good health as it had not fled upon hearing my footsteps.  I reached out and touched it and said, "Are you okay?" where upon it darted  under the rose bushes.

Mother rabbit must be quite appreciative that I risked jail time to give her and her litter a home.  In college I was taught that in addition to the horrors of racism that there is also a societal affliction called "species -ism".  The rabbits in the neighborhood must gather together and share that "our lives matter as well."  They must be distraught about these humans and there self centered views..  I am especially interested if humans are reincarnated to animals to be taught a lesson about self importance.

I am not a criminal, so I will have to follow the human's directive to mow down the grass, even though doing so will destroy a haven for the little rabbits.  Interestingly the rabbits have not eaten my tomatoes, basil, parsley or sunflowers.  The have enough grass I suppose.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Beaten into Lawn Submission

The conformists have beaten me with their desire for my lawn to match theirs.  Someone called the code officer after the party with all the wild animals and birds in my yard.  I got a letter today which was quite dishonest.  It claimed my front lawn as well as the back was out of conformance to code.  I have mowed the front within the last three weeks and it is not over ten inches.  I was saddened to see that code officers exaggerate claims.  The law is to be honored and respected but when they lie, they lose my respect.  I have tomatoes and parsley, basil, sunflowers and some wildflowers in my attempt at a garden in the back yard.  These lawn enforcers
 
cannot just march in here and plow down my garden with a mower.  I called and emailed pictures to prove that my lawn was not over ten inches and I mowed the front and the back where I could.   The back will need a weed wacking.  My son has promised to do such tomorrow.  The code officer threatened me with fines and jail time.  JAIL TIME.

I wrote in my email that the planet is dying because of all these motors and that the survivors will most certainly have a greater respect for a more naturalized look.  There will be a day of reconning for people who fail to love and respect the natural world.  Weeds are often healing herbs and can be quite beautiful.  I will share a photo of Queen Annes Lace in the morning when it is light out .....on their dying day.





Thursday, July 13, 2017

Blue Jay Tune





This is an example of my ballad style.  I just belt out a song.  It is really difficult as one must think of the tune and words and have it make sense.

DO NOT SING YOUR OWN SONGS!!

In our family there are different types of thinking patterns.  I am a person who thinks in abstractions and possibilities.  While I was off of my thought control medication I could improvise songs about myself and our family.  I became a ballad singer.  When I got my shut up shot my creativity was stifled somewhat.  I can still rattle off an improvised ballad but much to the consternation and disapproval of my daughter.

She was always very intelligent as a child and a baby but she is very conformist.  This conformity is based on a sense of shame over my bipolar.  The other family, my ex's, are very much a group of "what would the neighbors think" type of folks.  I am comfortable being different as I have had no choice.

I believe that my family poisoned me and caused me to hallucinate and therefore lose my credibility and spontaneous spirit.  When medicated a person cannot come back with a quick comment.  I was dulled down and given a phoney diagnosis because members of my family did not like me.

When I sang my spontaneous song about my daughter's family a quick "stop that now" response ensued.  Her response to  my innocent harmless creative spirit proves that I am a victim.  I don't believe she consciously victimizes me, she is an innocent piece of molded clay by the people who have felt threatened by my outspoken bold spirit.   She has been dutifully molded by my ex-inlaws.  She is a conformist like them, marching in full step with them.

The amazing thing is that she does not perceive herself as a conformist, but she most certainly is.  My singing is a harmless expression.  She sang her American states song, not an original and that was an example of allowed behavior.  "Don't be original Mom, I cannot tolerate that.   This is how to sing."

She is very intelligent, but her psychic wings are voluntarily clipped and her imagination clouded.

One might say, "she has been terrorized by your illness."  I have never done anything violent while ill, only with my personal art.  I am not a dangerous person,  I call myself a Ghandi girl.  The true terrorists are those who hate me and have poisoned her mind with negative possibilities and perceptions.  True, I am not myself when having tripping flash backs, and withdrawal symptoms but I am not violent and do not need to be scolded not to sing freely.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Snow White Missed the Party in my Backyard

My naturalized garden in the back yard is delighting me immeasurably.  While I sat a distance away I watched many birds and small mammals at the feeder.  Here is the list.  Mr Jay warned of Mr. Raven passing overhead.  Ms Rabbit liked the long grass and the large dandelion leaf.  The mourning doves were shy and waited on the roof top.  The family of sparrows (five or six) came in with a flurry after I said, where are all the sparrows.  Mr. Chickadee was alone.  The Jay couple came in turns multiple times (feeding babies in the cedars near by, I imagine.) A couple of youthful squirrels bounced in and thought that they could fool me by hiding behind their tales.  The cardinal sang to us and came in for some bites.  The tiny chipping sparrow hung around. The squirrels and the rabbit were totally comfortable nearby each other.  There was not much quarrelling or greediness noted.     I thought I had ten total,but I can only come up with nine.

Where was Snow White in this scene?  Luckily the lawn police where not around.  Nice thing was that for a half hour there were no leaf blowers or lawn mowers blaring, just an occasional airplane coming in for a landing at the nearby airport, and a family telling each other good bye with 'I love yous' in the distance.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

The War Against Women

When I was in a accelerated mental frame of mind, I realized that after WWII came the War Against Women.  I noticed a post in the Hopewell government court office.  1946 Dinner dance, of the Highschool Honor society.  It came to me that after the war, a war that women at home helped to win (by entering the workforce at home) intellectual women became the next target.  Intellectual woman can think obviously and their focus is often social concerns.  After the war it was realized by men in power, that women raise sons and women are more compassionate by nature due to mothering tendencies.  The Nazi's dismantled the family to raise less compassionate, more nationalistic members of society.  Generally speaking , when thinking about WWII we envision USA on the side of the allies.  Not all Americans were against the Nazis as evidenced by the Nazi doctors being taken in by the USA (CIA)after the war.  Women with their nurturing tendencies are less tolerant of crimes such as the war crimes of the Nazis.

After the war, the Bimbo  image of brainless women came popular, as with the Barbie Doll, among men.  Men can feel threatened by an intelligent woman.  Making women stupid and pretty and just a sex object is a calculated move by the elite to disempower women.  When young girls fear feminism and fail to embrace their own right to an intellectual image the men in power steer to flock of female sheep.  These little stupid lambs embrace their stupidity as a source of attraction.  Some of the men in society find this imagery emblematic of all women.  Men might then find other men more appealing if they think most women are ditzes.  Marilyn Monroe, while coming across as stupid and fragile was actually very intellectual which is why she was murdered. (I believe she was murdered).

Once upon a time I was pro gay rights but something I read from a Roman Catholic man made me realize that there was something bigger going on, as in a war against the traditional family and mostly against women.  Like the ancient Greeks, our culture is embracing men with men and in the process lessening women.  Men see the power of women and want it for themselves, rather than embracing a female.  They want to take the female power.  I heard that statement in the movie Witches of Eastwick.  The devil character, says, "Its women who have the power. "  There is a power struggle in society between men and women.  The society further expands on this struggle.  The statement the personal is the political, by a famous female women's rights activist exemplifies this. (Carol Hanish) This is even more true as creepy medical scientists do sex changes on people and demand we not punish these poor mixed up souls.  I am not advocating being cruel to sex change victims.  I believe that they are victims of a very sick society focused on destroying the strong mother, the thoughtful woman, the caring wife, the angry woman, and the innocent young girl and the outspoken crone.

If you are a man or woman with gender issues, please think about how society is messed up and messing you up before you let them mutilate your body.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Review of Despicable Me 3

Despicable Me 3 has huge moral downfalls.  It is not recommended for children's innocent psyches and not because of the little minions in jail clothes.  The real issue is the attack on the word "Evil" Brat.  This movie is trying to take away the meaning of evil which is the posture of moral relativists.  Evil Brat, the villain, is a balding adult getting revenge on Hollywood.  There is evil in the world.  One evil I can think of is the sexualization of children.  Despicable me 3 hints at that evil with symbolism.

 There is the fluffy unicorn desire of the sweet innocent little girl.  The unicorn horn, (a phallic symbol) is found in a bar by the wandering little girl.  She sees it at the bar and wants to find her magical unicorn.  This seems like a reference about women going to bars looking for a man.  An innocent little girl all wrapped up in a quest for a phallic symbol? That is obviously a reference to the sexualization of a child.  She finds a one horned baby goat and thinks it is a unicorn.  Goats in the bible are the lost souls.
Next with the other older daughter, she gets instructed by her adoptive mother to eat the piece of cheese in the Mayday dance of the common people of FREE-donia.  She eats the cheese and is betrothed to the little boy with small green boots, who nobody else wants.  What does the color green symbolize?  Virgin.  What do small boots mean?  There is a societal reference to small boots meaning small phallus.  Once again we have a reference to the phallus and the little girl.

The movie puts on upbeat fun music around Evil Brat, making the word evil glamorized.  He dances and is a fun character.  Balding man who is not a child mixed with child imagery.  The writers of this story are trying to say that there is no difference between adult and child which is what pedophiles think.  This is a pedophile movie.  Evil Brat has a Robot toy made of himself that he operates to try to send hollywood to outer space.


Gru has an evil twin who is funny and evil.  Therefore, once again the movie tries to dismantle the meaning of evil.  It is an interesting movie to watch if you are an adult with a critical eye, but it is not good medicine for children.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Americans Love Sweets not Sardines

Some one in the medical profession recently asked me, "Sardines? How can you eat them?"  I am an adult with a wide ranging palate.  I appreciate all kinds of flavors, not just sweet.  I also explained, that being of Danish origen, it is good for me to eat canned fish.  I also like kippered snacks and picked herring. (The fish oils are very good for you.) I like the flavor of bitter, that is why I like elderberries.  I believe that it is important to eat what ones ancestors ate as we become genetically programmed to need certain nutrients over the generations.

Here in America, people are overly sugared.  They guzzle down sodas and their palates become conditioned to only appreciate sweetness.  It starts at a young age when children are given sweetened cereals for breakfast.  Parents cater to little ones who are afraid of new or different cuisines.  Little children are given sweetened mac and cheese and some of them never grow out of the thirst for sweetness.  I like sweets too.  I like jam made with enough sugar so it is pretty and sets.  I like chocolate covered almonds and nutty pastries.  Flavors are like a rainbow and if you are stuck on one color, it is kinda sad in a way.

My son believes that it is because babies are given formula and that they never get over liking sweetness.  I was given formula as a baby and I like more than one flavor.  All the obese adults hooked on sweets remind me of big babies walking around, masking as adults.  Babies are often chubby.  I dread being overweight.  I have to battle weight due to the shut up shot.  Having made the choice to forgo meat, I have noticed that spiced grains are especially tasty.  Too much meat is bad for the planet and bad for you as well.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Spooky Forrest Selfies









The forrest is an interesting experience when you are out alone.  I did not really desire to interface with any other hikers.  I wanted to commune with nature not other people.  I am glad that I got there relatively early 10 ish or so.   If you go out in the woods today you better go in disguise.......

A Walk Along a Gully in Naples

I saw several chipmunks in the forrest and some flowers.  I think this bush is a wild sweet azalea.



Below is Rubus odoratus or thimbleberry.  It is endangered in some states.




This is me.  I did not dress in hiking clothing, risking the dreaded lyme disease.  I thought I was going to stay in the gully.  I also walked up a very steep path along the gully, where I saw these mushrooms and flowers.  The fine white flowers were very fragrant.

Russula Emetica

While I was  hiking through the forest, I came upon a mushroom that had been disturbed, perhaps by a deer.  Do you see under the stick beside the stick with the mushrooms, two white eyes?  I would bet it is a woodland fairy!


I believe it to be a mildly poisonous Russula Emetica.  Judging by its name, I would imagine one would puke if they ingested it.

Very Old Fossils

Our area of New York state, the finger lakes, has no dinosaur fossils because the rocks that have dinosaurs embedded in them have all been worn away.  The fossils in New York state are very old.   In fact the oldest fossil tree is from the Naples, NY area.  Today I hiked in a gully and brought home two very cool stones.  One is a fossilized mud slide and the other is of bamboo, I believe.  If anyone would like to dispute this that is fine.  Let me know.  It could be an ancient form of the horse tail plant.  In the middle Devonian period they were 50 to 90 feet tall.




The forrest was beautiful this morning.  There were a few other hikers out there, a family with a North Carolina license plate and another group with a big dog.


Sunday, July 2, 2017

Frequent Urination? Try Buttermilk

I have not been drinking much milk at all for months. Because of my shut up shot, I suffer from frequent urination.  I was not plagued by this today.  Let me announce to the world why!!!  I drank a glass of buttermilk yesterday.  I researched it today and sure enough, buttermilk helps with frequent urination.  I don't know if it is the helpful bacteria or what but my spastic overactive bladder is not happening today.    I wanted to spread the world to all the other people, especially the elderly.  You might say, "but butter milk is all fatty."  Nope.  It is thick, not because of fat.  It is thick because it is cultured.  Buttermilk is actually not that fatty.  Fat in the diet  from dairy is okay if you are already a pescatarian (fish eater) .  I rarely eat meat, so fat from dairy is not a problem for me.

Fat Turns into Fat

Fat turns into fat is a statement I have heard which could be translated into oil turns into oil.  Oil is what plastic is made from.  It is cooked to hardened state oil.  What if oil from our packaging is migrating into the fat cells of our bodies?   Perhaps we humans are turning into plastic fatties.  This was a revelation of mine when I went insane last summer.  If one sees pictures of people in the nineteen sixties, hardly anybody was a rolypoly.  Now every where you look in our society, we see rolypolies.  Maybe they are made that way because of all the plastic packaging.  I wonder if plastic is as inert as we believe.  I would bet it is not.  Most everything we purchase comes in plastic.   I don't think we consumers are being treated fairly, being all plumped up without our consent.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Crazy is a Relative Term

When I was crazy, I perceived myself to be under attack from nuclear devices.  I had read that some organizations such as the KKK had nukes and I thought that they were being used against me.  I was also responding, in my psyche, to the industrialization of all aspects of humanity.  Our bread, our relationships (facebook), everything about our world is industrialized and I revolted by withdrawing from such aspects of our culture.  Time is an illusion, so I must be an old spirit who is simultaneously living in another dimension, a dimension in which the earth is not threatened by all this industrialization.  This dimension in this culture, is dominated by the white male.  It is also a racist and misogynist domination pattern, neither of which is something I agree with.  So, this reality does in a way, suck.  I revolted and ran for president, nobody voted for me and here we are with a rich white old man messing things up even worse than it already was.

Was I nuked? I don't know the answer, anything is possible.  I was by definition, crazy, but crazy is a relative term.  Relative as in relatives.  I have had problems with the people closest to me, believing that they drugged me over the years to look like I had a mental illness.  If they had done such, they would be behaving exactly as they are.   My parents are deceased, but talk to me in my dreams.   The other morning my father told me, "there is a transmitter in your thumb."  I recall cutting my thumb as a little child of eight or so with a knife while cutting up an apple.  I don't know how or if substances could be put on a knife to enter with a cut.  Perhaps my father is teasing me from beyond or it is just my mind wandering in a meaningless dream.  The media when it deals with Satanism is clear that one of their goals, is to make people crazy and make them kill themselves.  Mk ultra might be experimenting on the whole community of Clifton Springs and the Finger Lakes, for all I know.  I am not rich and famous, to my knowledge and I do not belong to a secret organization which has information.  I only know what my subconscious mind tells me.....and that is considered crazy by some.

P.S. I read where a George White was a leader in MK Ultra Project, a George White was also the name of my German Teacher.  Coincidence or not?

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Natural Herb Garden

Plantain is actually the source of psyllium.  After I removed the grass, other natural plants moved in.  Yellow wood sorrel and plantain for instance, came to live in my yard.



Why are there such garden Nazi's that make us think that natural herbs must be removed?  I will harvest the leaves from the narrow leaved plantain to make a healthy tonic and use the yellow wood sorrel in a salad.  I planted the basil and the tomatoes. Please read Michael Pollan, the case against lawns, NYtimes 1989.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Update Bread Spirit




This little bread sprite or spirit thought he might not be seen if he was just added to the Americans on Toast blog entry so I gave him his own post.  He is posing on the antique European bakers table that my parents got in Belgium when I was a wee child of three or four.  He is sporting strawberry jam hair.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Americans are Hooked on Toast

I have returned to an old hobby that I had years ago, that is, making bread.  The type that I like to make is whole grain rye.  It is a firm bread and does not need toasting.  When  I visited my Goan friends in London in 2006 they presented me with morning toast.  I would have been happy with what ever they served me.  They knew, though, that morning bread with Americans must be toasted.  Who started this amazing trend in our culture that has lasted over one hundred years? I will have to research who invented the toaster.  When factories started making bread that was mushy it had to be firmed up to go along with eggs in the morning.  Stale bread happens more with mushy bread, or it goes moldy.  I prefer whole grain European style bread that does not need to be firmed up by toasting.  Every cottage I clean had toast crumbs in the bottom of the toaster.  Americans are addicted to toast.  When I crazed out last fall, I gave my appliances away.  I wanted to live simpler.  If I absolutely need toasted bread I put it over the gas flame.  I have not repurchased a toaster.  Fried egg sandwhiches are served on untoasted bread, I learned from my exfather in law, Charlie.  Fried egg sandwiches are a Sunday evening meal.    I wonder how much energy could be saved if Americans ate firmer whole grain bread that did not need toasting or tried fried egg sandwiches for breakfast.  All the energy used in the manufacturing of toasters, steel industry, plastics, etc. as well could be measured.  I would bet all those little toaster levers being pushed down would really add up.  This is another habit like lawn obsession, that if altered could help stave off global warming.  Toast is a product of industrialization.  We think we cannot live without it....but we may be toast before the next century.
    Post script: I was thinking how tragic it is that we modern humans have to have something as integral to life as "Our daily Bread" warmed up in a special modern machine.  We are all about our machines and it most certainly is to our detriment.  As I communicate this to you on my machine.


Can you see this little spirit of the bread who showed his face and upturned nose? He is posing on "the bakers table".  This table was my mothers and we got it in the nineteen sixties as and antique in Europe.
The table appears to have a little sprite in it as well, see the face to the right of the bread spirit?

Breaking Patterns

Eating habits are patterns engrained in our minds.  Sometimes our eating habits are not good for the planet or for our bodies. Take eating cows, pigs and chickens, for instance.  Daily consumption of these beings takes a lot of fossil fuel.  Oil and gas consumption goes into their production via the methods used to produce these animals.  They are also, when affordable for the common person, raised inhumanely, in tiny cages.  Beef fats are known to plug up your arteries, so some of these creatures do fight back, in a way.

We live in a time in history when many grains are available, as well as beans and spices.  A meat free diet is also more affordable.  I still consume dairy products and fish and eggs, but this past year I gave up eating mammals and birds.  Once in a while, to be social, I will have an animal to eat.  My body does not appreciate it though, as it is no longer acclimated to meat.

I "try so hard to be different"?  No, I try so hard to put thought into my daily existence.  I am not the only one who does.  Some people put even more thought into their diets than I do.  I just like to contemplate patterns and see where I can change things for the better.  Be it for my lawn or my body or what ever.  Thanks for reading.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

The Demonics

I believe that demonic spirits do enter people.  I imagine that with all my mental issues demonics have entered me at times.  Demonics don't waste time with people that they already have in their power, they want to annoy or frighten those of us that strive to be good.  Not that I am always a good person, I have my moments of childishness and selfishness like everybody else.  All demons are not necessarily bad spirits.  I had about ten come to me when I was visualizing things last winter.  They each had a name and I drew a portrait of each and a poppet as well.    I do not think that I have ever committed any evil acts while under their powers, some, like the gargoile motif, are actually protective.  I have seen their faces in patterns of flooring or in types of imagery where a facial expression can manifest.  perhaps they  are spirits trapped between two worlds.  I try to think of the 23rd psalm, that is, that I will fear no evil. Hollywood likes to sensationalize and make all demonics extremely evil, but that is not my experience.  I do look to Hollywood to see what the messages are from the artists.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Angels and Demons

Everything happens in threes?  Yes and no.  When you are a mystic and you are encountering the spiritual on a daily basis, the dualistic reality reveals itself.  There was the man who tried to seduce me (possibly demonic)   and his angelic counterpoint (one of my teachers in Gurdjieff) who gave me a kiss on the fore head the preceding week.
This morning my angelic dream in between waking and sleeping was a classroom full of people singing "We love you, Amy"...I was shy and snuck into the classroom after I heard the song.  I went on my bike ride and passed an old house at the top of the hill and thought, "what if I heard a crime in there, would I report it?"  Next moment, after that thought, I heard someone say my name, kinda creepy like, drawn out.  There was the angelic dream juxtaposed to the voice behind the windows, "AAMmmyyyy."  Does anybody out there ever sense this dualism in their interactions with the dream world of angels and the physical world with dark forces?  Please share if you do.

Elder flower rose drink



I found a recipe for elderflower rose cordial on the internet and I am making it today with my own fragrant roses and some elderberry flowers that I found along the outlet trail.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

About Focus

Some think that because I emoted about my neighbors, that that is all I am about.  I am a blogger, a writer, and I was just sharing the story of what happened to me with my family, my mental health and my neighbors.  I am not all focused about what the neighbors do.  I recently returned to the workforce and I clean cottages several days a week.  I am busy getting organized and learning this job.  I am hopeful to be a nurse in the work force again.  Cleaning cottages is not a bad job.  It is very tiring initially.  Most people don't strenuously clean for five hours at a time.  My body is adjusting to the work out.  Next plan is to drink a protein shake after doing  a clean, to help build muscle.  I am a pescatarian now so getting my protein is important as I don't want to tire of fish.  I am thank-ful to have some comments on my blog.

I am  also a student of George Gurdjieff philosophy.  That happens to be intellectual heavyweight material.  I am trying to live, work and be more mindful and thoughtful.  I am a beginner in "the work".  I have been meeting weekly with people who are my teachers in this way of being.

I am excited about summer time. I was thinking about buying a fold out sofa so that during heat waves I could sleep downstairs, as sleeping on the floor is not that comfortable.  I want to be careful with my money, so I decided to fold up a pile of blankets and sleep on that instead of going into debt.   As all can see, on my previous blog post, I accomplished a lot today......nothing to do with any neighbors, I hardly gave them a thought.

Vodka strawberries Equals Strawberry Vodka in Four Days



I am in the process of making strawberry infused vodka.  I used about a pound of berries and a quart of vodka--some 80 some 100 proof and some pulverized sugar.  I did not have superfine, so I mortar and pestled it finer.  In four days I will strain it through cheese cloth.  It can keep 6 months in the fridge.  I found the recipe on the Stoli site, if I recall correctly..

Strawberry Jam

The end of June is Strawberry season in upstate NY.  I picked several quarts myself on an excursion with my son and his family. I prefer to hot water bath.  I have the time and I like the finished product to be room temperature.  Some like the ease of freezer jam.







Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Spiritual Fluidity

The other day I met a man in the post office and we became acquainted.  He made it known that since I dressed different, kinda hippy like, that he thought I was a "free spirit".  I am a free thinking spirit.  I am not a free spirit with my body.  Like the Jewish people, I believe sexuality to be a holy aspect of life.  I don't have sex with just anybody.  I am a lady.  I take time to get to know somebody so I can think it through.  I have made mistakes in the past.  This has taught me that it is unwise to rush into bed with someone.  I ended up married because I over estimated the significance of sexuality, or so I used to think.  My mother advised not to bed down with somebody unless you wanted to marry that person.  That is a bit extreme in this day and age,  but non the less, she had a valid point.    Sex is sacred and should be reserved for people that you have strong feelings for.

 The title of this blog entry is fluidity of spirits, what do I mean by that?  Perhaps this man I met, who assumed free spirit meant easy lay, was the devil in disguise, testing me.  The devil wanted to find out if I would give it to just anybody who came along.  This post office friendship did not last. He made several mistakes in our budding friendship. He texted me early in the morning--too  familiar too soon.   He used the word "my dear"...Too soon use of a possessive pronoun will make me run as well as vulgar language. He used vulgar language to try to seduce me.  I hate vulgar language in a public eating area.  Another bad move was proclaiming that we were destined.  Nobody dictates to me my destiny but the Lord God Adoni.  The Devil found out that I am not an easy piece.

I usually don't take much stock in fearing evil or speak much of the devil at all.  some think of me as dark when ill as I perceive evil around me.  The devil is an interesting concept invented by religious people.  I don't really think much about such things, as a spiritual woman.  I did watch The witches of Eastwick yesterday.  I noticed that the primordial poppet sculpting was used in it and that the woman who is hysterical mental case about fearing the devil dies.  She spoke out, she dies.  Interesting.

Information in a Small Town

I was thinking about my relationship with my neighbors, wondering where it initially went wrong.  My neighbors are friends with my parents former housekeeper we shall label as C.  When i moved here they would have gotten a scoop of information from C, which explains why the neighbor  lady (who I now know as H. (I spoke with my daughter)was not comfortable coming over and introducing herself.  C. would have given H enough information to make her nervous.  I was friends with C. until she was rejecting of me and my ideas about how I was the family sex slave.  I thought that C. might have been a sex slave handler in my delusions but never said so to her face.  It seems that I am a victim of information colluders.  My sister has contact with C.   and my daughter had contact with H.  There are no confidentiality laws when I comes to information about mental health and the family housekeeper.  She would have been in on the scuttlebutt about me since the nineteen nineties.  They are all just human, with normal fears about being normal around an abnormal person. When there is a person who thinks independently amongst of people who think alike, they get nervous.  This is compounded by the effect of a non lawn mowing small car driving character (me).
   When ill, i offended C. and told her that my mother desired to fire her years ago.  She speaks with intermittent chipmunk noises and I thought she might have alter personalities as strange vocalizations can be a symptom of multiple personalities.  C. has family that knows H. and they live behind me, F. and J.  J.was the only one who was kind enough to interact with me while I was ill.  I told him the tale of the vampire cat in person.  He  advised me that the town would mow my lawn and charge me if I did not mow it myself.

I probably should have figured out a more proactive approach when I moved here, knowing that the family house keeper had me surrounded with people with partial information.  I would be smart to move away, but it is not in my financial best interest.  When it comes to information around the house keeper it would be expected that sharing of personal mental health info would be minimal, but I have never had much loyalty from my family.  I believe that I could have been drugged by them with hallucinogens to have the mental episodes.....that they could actually have been Satanic in their expression of love towards me.  I am the Satanic victim in the family.  Once I had to take antipsychotics for years, the withdrawal of the medications would cause an event,   due to the nature of brain receptors and blockers.  Luckily, I can think rationally now and see how my relationship with the neighbors was tainted from the beginning by the former housekeeper and subsequently abnormalized by my daughter.  She introduced herself to the neighbors and talked with them about me while I was in my home.  It was a really odd feeling.  Such disrespect is hard to experience....They exchanged phone numbers and set up a spy and report plan.  I do not have hard feelings against my daughter.  She is kooky and I am spooky.

I have a conspiracy theory, it is Satanism supported by the government called MK Ultra, project monarch.  Family and friends do not want to believe in my theory, that our family is a part of it all.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Camera Near the Attic Window

There is a camera up near their attic vent.  I am constantly being filmed in my yard.  (Perhaps)  If I can have my activities filmed by them, I can write about what I see and hear they say in my blog entries.  I would prefer to have a peace picnic with all my family and friends and watchful neighbors, though.

The Perp has a Plan

I have gotten a few comments, which is unusual for my blog.  This is probably because of the values that are in question about everybody who reads my blog and knows my story.  I have an idea, as the spying perpetrator of this story.  Lets all get together for a forgiveness picnic. We can have it here at my house or at the park.  I invite all who have been thinking about me or discussing my illness and my non-violent nature to gather together to show how they really care.  Family, friends, neighbors are welcome.  I don't even know the last name of my neighbor, nor his wife's first name.  So lets put it all behind us and be friends.  I will forgive all our value issues and we can talk to each other, not just about me behind my back.  If this picnic happens we will know that everybody has good intentions.  If no picnic and no socialization occurs, well, it kinda looks like people wanted to be rid of me as in the book, "the Lives They Left Behind."   Which is a story about people who were sent away to Willard in the last century when they dressed wrong, wrote  strange letters or were just a little off from the norm.  My neighbors are tight with my daughter and won't talk to me......so let me in on the party folks. We can blog the party with pictures and show the readers in the Ukraine and in UK and France just how loving we are here in America!!!!!!!

Love in Our Family is Crazy with a Kooky Little Girl

If one thinks in ways outside of the norm, you may possibly forfeit your rights.  I was thinking differently and my daughter did not like it.  She enlisted my neighbors to spy on me while she put in an order of protection.  They spoke about me on the  phone constantly while keeping their distance.  Third party contact is forbidden with orders of protection.  The neighbors would not talk to me, only watch as agents of my daughter.  I have no rights. I committed no crime and have a criminal record.  I was forbidden to have contact with my daughter, yet she could spy on me via the neighbors.  That is really kooky. Kooky.   So many thanks to the commenter who inspired this blog of family/neighborly love explanation.  My daughter is kooky and I am the spooky one.  I believe it to  be kooky to involve the government authorities about a non- threatening warning letter.  Once I was no longer allowed to be around my people, that is when my mind got worse.  Mentation does not improve with isolation.  I blog because I am an unpopular person with out many friends.  I don't spy and whisper in secret like normal people do.

Ramblings about and through the Lawn

My naturalized lawn is thirty feet by thirty feet of natural grass with a center piece of a white pine tree.  I also have some tomatoes planted, basil, parsley from scattered seeds, sunflowers and zinnias from seed.   Natural lawn is not so bad.  People don't really spend that much time in lawns and pathways work well.  Lawn is an ornamental aspect of horticulture.  All those machines and gas to cut it is just ornamental.  Did anybody ever stop to think that perhaps nature designed leaves of grass to be pointy for a reason?  Maybe there are charges from the earth and soil that need to mediate between heavenly charges. Perhaps the pointed grass blade, when not severed by a lawn mower blade, releases energies?  That is my cosmic theory.  Perhaps peace would reign on earth if the charges were allowed to flow right.  Plants are beings too, ya know.  It is just a fanciful theory.  Mankind in its arrogance believes that it must control and trim every thing.  I did some work in an orchard last week where we thinned fruit to make fewer but better quality fruit.  I can see that point of view.  I think that if people had a choice, to have long lawns and a planet that remained alive vs a dead planet killed by humans people would choose long lawns. My legs are hairy this year as well.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Health Care Values

I over heard my normal neighbors talking at their poolside and I was struck by a student of a health care profession state that she did not want to work with a "bunch of old farts waiting to die."  I was truly saddened by this comment.  We live in a culture which inordinately values youth and beauty.  As a nurse, I have found taking care of old farts waiting to die to be very rewarding.  Humans are beautiful at all stages of life, not just during youth.  It is from the aged population that I have learned the most and gotten the biggest rewards.  I especially enjoy being challenged by a cantankerous oldster.  I most certainly will want to win him or her over.

I have been a hospice nurse.  It is an honor to be a part of the winding down of a human life.  The person ready to die and cross over to the next realm might need something from me.  To be the person entrusted with such an honor is beyond my capability to express gratitude.
What is the point of educating youth in this culture if they have no heart or appreciation of life at all stages?  It is a waste of education.  Thank God I am not a normal person.  To be a normal person in this sick culture is an abomination.

My neighbors respond to my hello with a glare of disgust.  I guess to disgust them is okay with me.  During my illness I never committed any crimes or hurt anybody.  Perhaps my behavior shocked them and made them nervous.  When somebody behaves abnormally this culture tells them to be fearful and avoid the culprit.  I certainly hope that the student in a health care field avoids the old farts waiting to die as they deserve far more than she is capable of providing, if her attitude remains unchanged.

An inherent danger of failing to think for oneself and being the norm in society is that you become the norm of a sick society with shallow values: intolerant, fearful, and doing and thinking as the norm does.  Yuck.  I would not trade one moment of my life and my crazy perceptions to be one of that kind of norm.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Astral bodies Telepathy

For years I have admired the movie star Ralph Fiennes. I have written him several times and even sent him some poppets I made of him.  In a perfect world, he would write back.  He does not.  This saddens me because as a admiring fan, I hate to think I was wasting my time on an arrogant person.  Perhaps he is afraid that I would show up at his house in a mental state.  I would not do anything that stupid.  I already spent time in a foreign menta hospital and have no intention of any repeat episodes of that chapter in my life.

Mr Fiennes, if per chance you fear me as a crazy fan, rest assured I am not going to stalk you.

When I was insane, I thought I perceived entities communicating with me.  I know now that it was either subconscious astral-body communication or communication with the dead.   Some might argue, understandably, it was my imagination.  That is possible.  But we are all of one collective consciousness, so thought transmigration is not impossible and telepathy has been documented.  When I was crazy I thought Ralph communicated with me.  That is difficult to believe as real, at this point in my conscious state.  But with astral-bodies, anything is possible.   I do not stalk movie stars or any other person in this world.  I think of myself as above that sort of behavior.

Simple Products

I am a difficult consumer.  I don't have much brand loyalty, preferring that natural approach to bodily care.   I have excellent oral health.  I switched from toothpaste to just plain baking soda, months ago.  My dental hygienist told me that baking soda kills that nasty bacteria that causes tooth decay.  My teeth feel much cleaner after brushing with baking soda than with toothpaste.

Oh, I love sheep, wool and lanolin.   While insane I was guided by spirits to use lanolin on my baggy eyelids.  I researched on the internet and found that women in European countries have been using it for eons.  The lanolin makes puffy bags go away, forget cucumbers, use lanolin.  It can be found in the drugstore.  It is wool oil from sheep's wool.



Taoist priests drink piney tea, like me.  They say it gives them longevity.  I make my own beverage from needles I find in the park that have blown down. (broken branches).  I am helping to clean the park, tis not theft, at all.  I planted my own white pine and it is doing very well.  New growth is coming along.   I am very pleased with my white pine in my back yard.  I have planted tomatoes, basil and zinnias in the area where I removed the sod last summer.  Soil after years of lawn is not optimal in nutrients.  We will have to see how my garden grows, now that I am not as contrary.



Thursday, June 15, 2017

Early Morning Phosphenics

This morning, between waking and sleeping, in my closed I vision I saw a goat and the number 10.  Dec means ten, goat is Capricorn, so perhaps I should check my horoscope today.  I also visualized the profile of a trumpet.  This recalled my father trumpeting reveille in the mornings as a child at our cottage.  My mother always watched her horoscope, so perhaps I had a visit from my parents this morning.   A phosphenic image is something you see behind closed eyelids.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Scuttlebut at the Library

Yesterday, while at the library, I listened to a man tell some stories as we sat around.  He said that there had never been a hanging in Yates county.  He also told of how he knew some wine makers who had found the body of a black man in a wine barrel.  This never made the news.  In counties where corruption is up to the top, as in the government, racial interest stories do not get published.  The government protects the evil doing murderers.

So if you are wondering, "what prompted Amy to write more about racism?" It is because I heard word of mouth news from who knows how long ago, about a racial killing that was never reported.  I considered myself an activist when I was ranting about such during my non-medicated episode of 2016. I still speak out even with my shut up shot at this point in my life.  The governments in the local counties wanted to shut me away because of my big mouth.  There is an institution, a state run mental hospital, in Elmira and that is where they wanted me placed long term.  Our modern times methods do not differ much from methods of old when it comes to dealing with people who talk too much or say the wrong things.  

Monday, June 12, 2017

Visions Regarding Cannibalism and Vampirism

I visited Salem, Mass. in April of 2013 and was told by a reliable source that human vampires are a very real presence in society.  Drinking blood will make one ill usually but these people must persist and eventually get acclimated to blood drinking.  When I was hallucinating in 2016, I  perceived that cannibalism was also an activity that is a reality.  I figured that movies like Silence of the Lambs and Texas Chain Saw Massacre were a way in which artists were telling the real story of our humanity at this point in history.  Message being that cannibalism exists in all walks of life, with the elite, such as in Silence of the Lambs and with the hicks as well (TCSM).    Why do people eat each other? I wondered, in my delusionary state.  The answer, and there is always an answer, when one is delusional, was that people desired magic powers.  Cannibalism was done, to receive another's life force energy.  If a person ate another they would hear that others thoughts and get their magical powers.

I don't know if anybody has ever sneaky like, slipped me human flesh.  I thought I had been given some as a child.  I had an elaborate matrix of thoughts about the Alphabet murders and thought I had as a child, been fed one of the victims.  My mother made her own sausage meat in the mid seventies, at the same time as the murders.  My handwriting as a fifth grader was strange, and I was able to adopt another persons handwriting style.  I thought me and the person I had copied were both fed one of the victims.  I believed that my family were all schizophrenics, created so by the federal government under project Paperclip, Bluebird, Artichoke, mk ultra and project Monarch.  These titles are all named for a secret experimental project in which people are experimented on without their consent or knowledge.  This began after World War II with the Nazi doctors who fled Germany with impunity and joined forces with the CIA.

I personally, never want to eat another human.  I believe, even in dyer circumstances, that there are alternatives to cannibalism.  I no longer eat meat.  I will eat fish and shellfish.  I only eat meat of cows, pigs and chickens on rare occasions and ususally regret it as I suffer from a belly ache.  Giving up eating meat was something that happened to me while I was crazy and imagining the worst about my reality.  I created and lived in a dark reality.  Is it a valid assumption that people eat people?

I man at a wine bar, who I  knew in high school admitted to being a people eater.  These are very secretive activities which only participants may be privy to.  Part of my delusion was complicated by slavery and antebellum philosophies, that is that slaves were livestock and therefore edible.  I perceived myself as the family slave, a marmeluke. I thought that I had magical powers and that people wanted to eat me and my family to gain our powers. Jesus gives and example after all.  If a person is magical and can perform miracles he is to be consumed for powers sake.  Yuck.  I no longer desire the Eucharist.  

Blogging the Visions of 2016

One should never underestimate the power of a stiff drink.  In 2006 I had a drink and my thoughts became liberated enough so that I was able to write a long poem which attracted a date on match dot com.  He eventually moved in with me and we had a relationship for three and a half years.  We broke up because of his posture on moral relativism and now he works in Manhatten.  I was in the library today and found a book, "How to Blog a Book".  I have had my evening cocktail drink and unlike the effect of wine, I am stimulated to express my thoughts.  I have had some vodka.  I am going to attempt to share my odyssey of insanity also described in in a kinder terminology as "visions" of 2016.  "Visions of 2016" would be a good title for my book.  I was even rewarded by the criminal justice system with a totally unwarranted criminal record for these visions, so it is best that they are recorded for posterity's sake. Cannibalism, immortality, female powers, radioactivity, mind controlling skin lesion, egg thieves ....oh, it is difficult to know where to begin.  Lets begin with the conclusion of the visions so that there are no misinterpretations.  Some believe that if I think of some evil, that I am projecting and am capable of such.  This is a posture of people who are my enemies.  I concluded my visionary quest with "Amy's seven absolutes.  These absolutes are in opposition to moral relativity.  I absolutely find certain things abhorrent.  Abhorrent means that I have no tolerance for such behaviour.  Moses had the ten commandments given to him by God.  Amy was given the seven absolutes.  Society in my perceptions in 2016 would greatly benefit by the seven absolutes.  I will share them all gradually.  The first will be absolutely no cannibalism or blood drinking. (next blog).

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Rhododendron Porn

My rhododendron is deprived especially when compared with the neighbor's bush. They must've fertized theirs while mine starves secretly in silence. Their bushes were so flowery it was almost obscene. I don't really have a case of flower envy. I long for a middle ground of flower extravagance.

What is Truth?

I just reviewed my you tube channel after many months and found that there were some distasteful videos about my perceptions that I was a multi-personality secret sex slave.  Like all multiple personality entities, I have no way of knowing if I really ever was porned in multiple personalities.  It is a mystery.  I live in the moment, now. There are clandestine organizations that do such things to people.  There is such a thing as mk ultra.  Was I one of the mk Ultra test subjects as in project monarch?  maybe, maybe not.  People don't know what can be done to themselves in trances.  I am a kind, gentle, loving person and that makes me an easy target.  I took down as many videos that were possibly incriminating.  I have no desire to be a sex slave.  My dating judgement is poor and that is why I stay away from dating sites. My parents could have been Satanic.  I could have been drugged to go psycho from time to time.

Monday, June 5, 2017

Spinach pie

Yesterday I made spinach pie, Spanotikopia or spelled similarly.  My grand-daughter absolutely refused to try it as it reminded her of a mouse nest on her plate.  Presentation is everything with three year olds!  With the production left overs, anise (fennel) parsley, spinach and scallions I am making a beans and greens.  I have entered a new phase in my cooking life, tis make something loosely based on another recipe.
I am up in he middle of the night cooking.  I had a visit from a deceased person, a family friend, in my dreams, which woke me.  He reassured me about financial matters.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

The Wiggle Worm

The wiggle worm is an exercise invented by myself to help relax and reset the central nervous cystem. As a nurse I can tell you it is active range of motion which came to me via epiphany.I am aware that as a recipient of psychotropic medication, I must help my nervous system in all ways that I can.  Neuroleptic medications can mimic parkinsonian symptoms.  Bicycle action is good for parkinsons as well as any circular motion.  We, as humans are too linear.  Circular, as in the spiral sea shell is basic to all life on earth.  St. Francis, a favorite saint of mine, as well as a favorite of all humanity likened himself to the lowly worm.  You too, can connect to your inner worm and evolutionary connect to your CnS by practicing a simple exercise prior to bed while relaxing.  This simple exercise will help prevent back injury due to signaling your muscles how to bend and turn.  Twisting and turning injures backs,we all know that.  If you train your cns how to signal the right muscles with regular wiggle worm exercise you can prevent back injury.  I learned by watching Neena and Veenas belly dance tape, how into shape you can become with rotational exercise.  Start with your feet, ten rotations one direction and ten in the opposite direction, then your knees then your hips, lower thoracic spine then mid thoracic then upper thoracic.  Shoulders are next then neck. Your body was made to move in these directions and if you do this simple exercise you will send electronic signals which will  be enforced and will strengthen your muscular neurology.  This simple exercise, mimicking the lowly worm, sea shell and your inner evolutionary maggot within will help you to relax and fall asleep.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Sauteed Parsnips

Sauteed parsnips taste like candy.  My father first made them for our family in the 1980's.  Just pare some parsnips and cut them in strips and heat some olive oil and butter in a pan.  Cover intermittently and in about 15 minutes on medium heat, they will be browned and soft.  They are delicious and not enough people know just how flavorful they are.

Unsolicited Advice from a Pharmacy Tech

I went to the pharmacy to purchase my "Shut Up Shot" today and was waited on by a new clerk, probably the new pharmacy tech.  I had applied for the pharmacy tech position but was not even interviewed.  The day I stopped in and talked to the pharmacist about the position my jaw dropped.  Why did your jaw drop, Amy?  (Jaw dropping is a term used in the English language to express shock or disbelief. )  The pharmacist was wearing a silk or satin camisole.   My shock registered with the pharmacist so that could be part of the reason that she was not interested in hiring me. I was shocked to see someone in a respectable profession dressed in her underwear. Today, the woman who was hired had her make up on just right.  When she gave me my receipt she said "here is a ten per cent off coupon, you could use it."  I had gone to the store, bare, (without any makeup.) The clerk's (pharmacy tech) tone was telling me that I need to wear makeup.
Women are bonders by nature and look for approval from society and each other in their behaviors.  There is a psychological mood of pressure for a woman to color her hair if grey, (or just color it regardless if grey) to wear make-up, and to follow fashion trends.  There are silly mental laws such as "Don't wear white before Memorial day".  I like to cover my head, but not many women do, as it reminds the of cancer patients. (I surmise).
I wish I was strong enough to forgo makeup all the time.  I wear it sometimes, but I think the female face is calm and beautiful without makeup.  We women are pressured by society to define ourselves by our looks.  We must be  pretty objects to behold.  What we think does not matter.  If we are angry and object to such influences, we must be medicated with a "Shut up Shot".
Sadly, I put up with the attitude of the clerk, and actually listened to her and put on my make-up.  This is probably an effect of the shot.

Friday, May 26, 2017

variation on Pesto Lasagna

I purchased baby kale as a substitution for spinach in a Pesto Lasagna creation.  The bechamel is made with hemp milk.  The cheeses are mozzarella and parmesan cheese.  I used a premade purchased in the store pesto, Rana basil pesto.  It is in the oven.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The Second Loaf Smiled

As you can see, the second load smiled. The first loaf was a tad bit over done and the second loaf is a slight bit under done.
I am having it with brie cheese..

Gift of Starter

I recently received a gift of sourdough starter from a friend at the folk art guild.  I researched how to make sourdough bread and made two loaves over the course of two days.  The first loaf is quite beautiful, the second is in the oven.  My other project is a mental exercise, deciding if I want to return to college to become a acupuncturist and oriental medicine expert.  The new job is exhausting but a good workout.  It is a challenge to learn all the steps of the cottage cleaning dance.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Day of the Pine Tree

Today I planted a white pine in my back yard.  It was thirty nine ninety nine at a local Mennonite greenhouse plant store.  I told the young Mennonite man who waited on me about white pine tea and vitamin c and the native americans. I hav planted sunflowers, giant russian sunflowers in the back of the pine tree and i am certain that they will look gorgeous by August.

My knee has been bothering me.  I thought it was the hammerride I did, but that is only half of the story.  When insane I purchased high heels.  They are really bad for the cartilage in ones knees!  beware!  Toss the heels!

Friday, May 19, 2017

manic mowers

Like I have posted before, the people in my neighborhood and America in general are obsessed with lawn mowing.  I am a person who would not mow at all if I thought I could get away with it.  We are killing the planet with our engines and all we do is mow mow mow as if the planet were not in danger from the fumes and industry behind mowing.  My lawn is long and a flicker bird stopped in today for a visit.  I had never seen a flicker in my yard until today.  They need the life forms that flourish with lax lawn care.

I waved at my mouse today and he waved back.  Mouse sign language.  I am at a loss as to what to do with the mice.  If I take them to the pet store they will be eaten by snakes and they are half wild.  I think that they belong in the wild, except for father mouse.  Father and mother wash each other and truly so signs of affection so I hate to separate them.

I have a job as a cottage cleaner at the local property maintenance company.  It will be fun yet challenging.  More individuals in the training class misbehaved than I would have expected, so I don't believe that I stood out as an odd ball ill person at all.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

life at the library

I spend a lot of time at the library for the free wifi as well as programs.  There has been a series about religion and I have learned about George Gurdjieff this past month.  The past two weeks have been part of a Judaism series about Jewish law.  We are exploring computer operated cars and the moral choices that the programmer face.  In a worst case scenario, how to decide who dies, etc. 

The Gurdjieff series is continuing at the Folk Art Guild tonight. We are learning about his theories of consciousness and the way we human beings are often on automatic pilot, missing the point of life and missing the development of a higher consciousness. The artists at the Folk Art guild are amazingly talented.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

life at the coffee bar

Today, I decided to get some exercise by walking.  I have a cracky poppy knee and had to let up on bicycling for a week.  I stressed it with a hammer ride.  I forgot that my body is 56 years old.  I walked to the library and received a blessing from heaven, (a euphanism for rain shower)/which was a curse.  We have had plenty of rain so it is a bit of a curse and I was out with my tablet which is not water proof.  A mother's day curse.  This prompted me to stop and enter a building, buy some stationary and stop in at the new, very classy coffee wine bar.  It is very sophisticated in decor and offerings.  I am an unpretentious sophisticate.  I don't really know how to act in a sophisticated way, but I make my own hummus, quiche, basil pesto, etc.  I know good movies, like The Third Man and High Noon.  I am not that adept at understanding Shakespeare, though.  Perhaps I am a semi-sophisticated woman.  Spell check is bothering me about euphamism/euphanism and the word semi-sophisticat.  The bistro is sophisticated so I initially felt timid about entering it.  The norm is Penn Yan is more homestyle diner. I ordered ginger non-caf-non mind control tea.  I wear my dad's magnifying glasses.  I miss my dad.