Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer

Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer
And in the End was the Word, Amy's Word

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Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Running Class and the Missing Corpse

Summer of 2012 I took a running /walking class.  This story came to me during a Kundalini event.  I had developed a love/hate relationship with one of my art instructors.  There was an odd tension, that I could not really describe.  He had a favorite student and she like to talk about him to me.  I was told in the Kundalini event that while I was running on the highway in the class I was hit.  The driver of the truck that hit me was the Art instructor.  I believe that with some, those in on secrets of society, I have a reputation for being killed and somehow looping out of it.

In this event I was struck down, killed and taken to the morgue.  I am a timeless creature and while working in the hospital in the past, I had been to the morgue.  In fact one time there was a corpse that was missing.  I believe that while I was in the morgue as dead in 2012, I was able to awake and walk out of the morgue in my body that walked out in 2009 while on duty as a nurse.  The missing corpse in the morgue was also in 2009.  Whose was the corpse that came up missing?  I do not know.  Was I able to become that missing corpse in order to return to my life in 2012?  Did I walk out of the morgue in 2009 and then manifest as the woman who was on run in class and did not get hit(in my bubble)?

How long did this loop take to happen?  Was it minutes from the time of hit to being back in running class?  Sometimes when these events happen I believe that angels create a different reality for me.  I might have the reality of the class running with me, while their reality is a gathering around a corpse in the road.  This is how when these events occur, that I am oblivious.  If I am present in multiple realities as if splitting(Mise en abyme), I must somehow be reconnected after the issue is resolved, thus the timeless morgue event.

If the creation of this drama is all hallucination, that is fine.  Hallucinations are supposed to have symbolic connections to ones reality.  They are a way of communicating to the conscious mind.  I do not know why this story came to me in 2013 while in a mental frenzy.

Monday, June 29, 2015

No, This Cannot Have Happened

I was in a recumbent position thinking to myself prior to falling asleep last night and I believe that I received a telepathic message as thus follows:  "Amy, tell us about the times you thought you evaded death." So I got up and started writing. When I was in a Kundalini event in 2013, otherwise known as psychotic many stories stormed my consciousness.  Some had to do with times that unbeknownst to myself, I evaded death through a time loop.  Here is one such story.

It was prior to 2010, perhaps 2008 and I was in a relationship with B.  He lived in my home with me.  I recall a fantasy I had which was unusual as I am straight.  It was a menage trois fantasy.  What I now realize is that sometimes when I perceive something as fantasy, it actually might be occurring in an alter personality (multiple personalities are called "alters").  My Ex. B. had plenty of girls that he interacted with on the computer, notably, Myspace.  There were several that I felt jealous of. Was someone invited to my home?  Specifically there was a woman who was an EMT and a photographer.  She had posted a few shocking photos of accident victims who were deceased.  I argued with my Ex B. that posting such was disrespectful of the dead and their families.

What I recall told to me while in the Kundalini event was that during this three-way fantasy which was not a fantasy, I was murdered.  Was I stabbed during the sex, or maybe choked? I believe the sex act I had to do was on the woman and not anything I would ever choose to do.  It was humiliating.

 I remember being in my bathroom and seeing my body cut up in chunks in the tub.  I was looking through the eyes of the female guest in my house. This memory is such that it cannot be proven.

I  said, "No, this cannot have happened."  I walked into the dining room and sat in a chair at the table.  I closed my eyes and when I awoke it was earlier in the evening.  Someone came to the door, but I told B.  I was too tired to entertain, so I went to bed.  The person did not join us (in any other personality) or in a fantasy/reality.  I carried on with my life with no recall of any death event.  I was completely oblivious to the time loop.

I can remember seeing the way my Ex. moves his fingers in a wave like motion when at the cutting board.  It gives me the creeps.  I gave a party a while after this event in which I made borscht.  Somebody took a new dishtowel and mopped up a spill.  Perhaps it was red wine, which ever, it seemed so peculiar that someone would stain the towel.  Was it a hidden message?  There was a missing carving knife that was found years later broken under the refrigerator.  Was it broken on a bone of mine?

 In my third eye I see a baggie with my heart in it.
You see, when one has the reputation for evading death people want to eat your flesh.  They don't realize that Jesus owns that gig!

While reviewing this story it came to me that  the guest was the photographer.  She took pictures of the freshly dead from accidents.  I looked at 2 of her photos on her Myspace page.  I am a timeless being.  I see through her eyes when she took the picture of the dead person and also when I am murdered and am a spirit.  I had looked through her eyes at the freshly dead person,  as a spirit I do the same looking at  my own remains.  This somehow caused me to be able to go back in time as I am one with the accident victim and had spoken out on that persons behalf. I see through the eyes of the photographer with her photo from the past and also as a spirit while my remains are in the tub.    Because my spirit unites with the accident victim in the photograph I am able to be free of the constraints of time and  space in the murder situation.  (eyes of the photographer being the vehicle.) Sorry for the repetition!

Sunday, June 28, 2015

More interesting Family Photos,Tied to a Tree, Cinderella

If you are lucky enough to find yourself someday, somehow involved in the contest between good and evil, you best not be of the faint of heart.

I have been the Christian victim member in a family of darkness.  Now that I am aware of this drama and my role, it is paramount to the darkness members of the family that I perceive myself as I have for years, as the person with "bipolar".  I take my medications.  I am in no way bipolar.  I am in a  drama that is similar the Project Monarch or Mk Ultra type programs.

This is odd, with the tree out of sister's head.  Am I tied to a tree?

I was hanging around the farm at this time, this posed shot was purposeful.  Sister the business woman.

I call this my Cinderella shot.  This was not a sincere smile, on my part.  This is a photo with a purpose.  Sister is the overseer and eventually the "handler."

For any in my world who continue to try to mirror to me that I am insane, I just say to you that perhaps you might be in an alter yourself, and programmed not to see what is real.  I know that somethings in my world are difficult to comprehend, as when I feel that I time loop through attempts on my life.  All I can say is that I have a different reality than others. 

I know that it must hurt some, that the victim  does not cooperate and believe herself insane.  You will get over it.  I am hopeful that any involved in this drama will eventually have the courage to "come out".   I love all, as Christ commands.   Thank-you Lord for letting me be the beacon of light to all those involved.  I am totally calm.  I will send no letters and leave no art.  I have no inclination to harm anyone at all.  I am all about love,  Peace and Love.   Pace.  

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Marlene, Marlene!

I have a deep voice and have had one for a long time.  When I was about 11 or 12 years old some of the men in my family's circle of friends would call me "Marlene".  This was in reference to the famous singer and actress Marlene Dietrich.  I reminded them of her and they reminded me of that quite often."Marlene, Marlene!"I did not think that it was anything bad, but as an adult now, I would not want older men calling my daughter "Marlene."  We were stationed in Germany '63-'66.  I have Germanic looks, I sort of resemble her.

Now, I wonder if "Marlene" is an alter personality moniker.  I am told by my angelic spirit guide that it most certainly is.  I believe that my story is similar to a Project Monarch story.  I have said this before in my blog.  After World War II the Nazi scientists came and worked with the US government.  They did experiments with mind control, drugs and sexuality.  I think it is possible that I was kidnapped, or an artificially inseminated baby...some strange story with famous parents or grandparens.  The mind controllers know how to create in  people multiple personalities.  I believe that since I was not born of my parents, that they had less compassion for me.  I believe both parents underwent treatment. Like I mentioned before, my father was in the  military and he was of German descent.  In the 1930's when he was a young boy there were Hitler youth (das Bund) groups in the USA.  I believe that he might have been in such and organization.

I know it sounds grandiose, psychotic, what ever.  My mother told me when I was about 13, "Your father is/was a very religious man."  The man Fred, who raised me was not at all religious.  His favorite joke was about the Virgin Mary slinging a rock at the woman caught in adultery.  I have concrete memories which cause me to  have suspicions about my reality.  I believe that my father was a religious leader in the Roman Catholic Church in the 1960's, as my parents came across as anti-catholic. ( I have memories).  If they had philosophical differences with my biological parents, that would make it psychologically easier to raise and exploit a little girl to adolescent  to woman.

This is probably a little prior to when the older men started calling me "Marlene."

Friday, June 26, 2015

Dolls, dolls, and more dolls

Dolls and the meaning behind them is complex.  Now when I was caught up in my Kundalini Awakening in 2013 I was in an art class. I was worked up about World War II and  I started a project about Klaus Barbie and the Barbie doll.  Supposedly the inventor of the Mattel Barbie doll went to Germany after WWII.  The German people are notorious for their lovely dolls and stuffed toys.  I have a large collection of Steiff animals.  I also was given a Kate Kruse doll for my fourth birthday.  The inventer of Barbie dolls had a daughter named Barbara.  Sadly the USA Mattel Barbie is all sexed up.  This is not in keeping with the German tradition, as I know it.

I got it into my head in 2013, that the Barbie doll was really named after Klaus Barbie.  The Nazi people were big on the occult.  The inventor of  Barbie was of German descent. The use of a name and its vibration might have been a goal to spread his spirit (he did not die until he was 77).  Somehow the spirit of Klaus would be called upon and influence little girls.  The Nazi philosophy towards women was not feminist.  Women were considered sex objects, like the Barbie doll depicts.  I searched for the initial sketch that I did prior to withdrawing but cannot locate.  (I did get my degree).

My Kate Kruse Ingalill. December '64.

This is somewhat suggestive of us girls being dolls, including my mother.

 I got a "Skipper" doll for Christmas.

The dolls I make are spirit poppets.  Like I have said before, I am not a wicked doll maker.  The worst I have done is give them the 5 wounds of Christ.  (which, btw is a lesson, not a punishment)  Dolls have been part of my psyche for nearly my entire life, so being a doll maker comes naturally for me.

A doll can make a person into an object(person disempowered), but an object can also be made into a person (spirit poppet-person empowered object).  This is King Arthur below, a mythological once and future king. He is empowered by being a doll in my world.  

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Easy Peasy

There was a second profile shot, as well.  

Maybe in my "alter" personality I am easy.  Is that what prompted the "faun*" I was living with to take this picture?  I did not get it at the time but I do now.  I am curious, since he called me "prostitute" when we broke up, was he a pimp during the wee hours of the morning?  I would have had to have been awoken with another name for the multiple personality gig to work.

 What about you?  Are you sure that you can trust the man you are with?

"Yes" is the word that makes rape sex.  (Urban dictionary)  Does a "Yes" count if a woman is an "alter" personality?  (Put there without consent)  I don't think a yes in a trance counts as a yes.  The victim of multiple personalities and hypnosis has is a conundrum.  How can one prove anything has been done to us if we are unaware, as in possessed?

This has all been a test.  A test for me to see if I can forgive these creatures.  It was a test for them too and they(the people involved in my life) failed miserably.  F is a failing grade.  Does one earn everlasting bliss in heaven if they fail tests?  I think F means F.  Now if I am forgiving then that counts toward my karma.  Does my forgiveness remove their F? I don't think so.  Maybe the forgiveness is just for me to show how nice I can be....Oh wait!  The sunflower!  Is forgiveness even possible?

Boyfriend who lived with me and probably prostituted me?  If you are reading this you are welcome to ask for forgiveness.  My phone number is on the profile.  Call me up and say you are sorry.  I dare you.

*I called my ex bf-'06-'10 a faun as he had strong thighs from walking, had had a horn removed from his head in the past and wow- get this- a tiny tail bud where his butt cheeks came together. He played the clarinet in his past... Really, he really, really is a faun.  I would bet any faun would prostitute the Queen of the Forest if he could.  ( I call myself the Forest Queen as a coping method.)

This man photoshopped his face onto the Sphinx for his myspace pic.  Did he consider himself a big player?  The sphinx guards a tomb.....and is merciless and treacherous. Was my body the tomb?

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

My Little Poppet

It is true, the MK Ultra and project Monarch are under CIA protection.  I don't know if the Project of me is under the same umbrella.  I would imagine that my life time(porn and prostitution) enslavement is.  I am not going to write or call anybody.  The CIA is immune from all law enforcement.  I don't want to write and beg for freedom, it would get ignored and I would feel their lack of respect..

I am Durga, though.  I have the demon slaying strength.  I don't slay anything, as I prefer to "tame the wolf".

My methods of action are poppet making and journaling.  So today's new little buddy is John Brennan director of the CIA.  He is my little poppet.  I might even be able to speak to his subconscious mind.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

More Mysterious Family Photos

I see hidden messages in photos.  My family refuses to acknowledge shenanigans.  I would bet that since my father was in the military, my drama is similar to MK Ultra.  They cannot say, "Hey Amy, you are dead on right"  because I am a government military  project.  Mk Ultra morphed into Project Monarch.  Organized crime is also involved in the mental manipulation of children, and women.  Some men too, but they are less easily formed.  I think I have exceptional genetics and that is why my story came into being.

What's with the middle finger and my tongue sticking out?  This occurred on our way back from Europe. (Dad was stationed in Germany 3 years)  We left France in July of 66 and arrived in New York City.

See the tree trunk and the branches looking like legs and an arm in the background?  This was at our lake cottage.

Some say that because I find these photos disturbing that I am psychotic.  (Mostly the secretive type of people)

I love this photo.  It seems as if Fred is posing as a priest blessing me.  (I am holding a miniature of the Eiffel tower.)That is a good "wink" as to my true identity.  I fantastically believe it possible that I am an offspring of a prominent Clergyman of the 1960's..I think in the realm of possibility that he was drugged by the US Government to conceive me.

Confessions of a Tribal Woman

I have a confession to make.  I have changed gradually over the years.  I dated a man on an off for several years.  He was not the kind of guy that was into fidelity to one person.  One time he mistexted me and thought I was another woman, I was disturbed but in a strange way I found myself surprised at my reaction.  I found that I was not the jealous type anymore.  Jesus says that when the kingdom comes we will not be bound in marriage.  So I found it to be somewhat of a turn-on to share my(not really) man. I considered that maybe perhaps he and I were not human but were in actuality angels.  Silliness, of course.  He is not an angel.  I have known him for five years.  I doubt if man sharing is something I would choose, but that is the way the chips fell.

My thoughts that were such a turn on were as follows: "He is free!"  It was almost as though my selflessness was the turn on.  I was turning onto the evolution of my own personal beliefs. Thus, "I" "mine" was not the focus of my feelings.  My graduation from the need to possess him what was such an epiphany and thrill.

I do not have any negative energy towards his other women (woman).  I was concerned that my ex had been put in a trance.  I was fearful for him, but I did not consider myself jealous.  I warned him to be careful, only because of my own experience.  Last year I made a poppet of his main squeeze.  This was for me to visualize her as a real presence.  This spring I was guided to put the poppet under a bridge in the park for several weeks.  This little poppet of the woman in my ex boyfriend's life might have donated her hair to a mouse home as she had a bald spot.  I picked her up out of the ravine and brought her home.

Being in in the ravine is a magic place.  I know, under a bridge conjures troll.  I believe that a ravine is a place in which time travel can happen, it is a cutaway of the shale.  The sides of the ravine (shale) remain and in a different dimension  the worn away still exists.  I envisioned this in 2013 when my mind was in a Kundalini awakening. (so it was expanded).

 Many many  months ago my ex and I decided it was best that we ceased our liaison.  He might have violated the privacy of our encounters, as he is very much into creating video.  I am not the type of person to harbor hate.  I am curious about my universe.  Does he fail to respond to my emails due to some strange conspiracy?  Is the government or a clandestine organization trying to starve me of human contact?  I am imaginative.  I have plenty of friends in the spirit world....I cannot be starved.

Today an angel came to my closed eye vision.  She has prompted  me to write this blog entry.  "The other woman" of my exbf is a spiritual medium.  I have been told she does not like me at all-by the angel.  I am a self made medium, I must offend her.   If this blog entry were a symbol, would be an olive branch.  I am about love and peace.

The poppet that I created of her is flattering.  I put tenderness into it's creation.  If she intends negative energy to me, I only return loving kindness.  Notice the crystal necklace I created for her.  I found her image on the web.

I guess there is something of an ancient tribal woman in me....ya know, like in the bible.  I would actually like to meet her.  I have no interest in returning to the old pattern though.  I rather like the freedom of no boyfriend. None of my poppets have thumbs or fingers.

Monday, June 22, 2015

The Animal Shirt

I found these pictures to have meaning to me in 2013.  They were taken around 1975.

The African animals and geometric print seemed to be symbolic of my enslavement.  The Illuminati uses  leopard print, etc. to symbolize animal nature. (I suppose)   I figured that the boxes were a symbolic cage.  My older sister has a five pointed flower (star) on her shirt.  Could be coincidence.  The lawyers I showed this to ignored it.  My sister works in the courthouse as a paralegal.  One time her coworker saw me in the distance and yelled out, "We love you, Amy!"  I did not even know him.  Was he referring to my alter personality who is most likely a porn star?
My sister claims that photos are a "trigger" for me.  I said, "Oh, you mean when I read the hidden meaning and realize my true reality?"  Don't worry all, these photos are for you to decide what my world is.  I am desensitized to them and will not get manic.  This is old news for me.

My mother, June took these photos, my ex-boyfriend(2009) polished them up and scanned them into my computer for easy access.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Papa of Peace on Earth

My parents had a photo taken of themselves next to a bird cage.  My ex boyfriend put an ever so light chicken wire pattern on my cheek in a photo.  I am a caged creature, or have been. " The truth will set you free."  I feel like I am discovering truth with the help of my spirit guide, but some of the story seems really extravagant.

Today is Father's day.  My favorite father in the world  is Pope John XXIII.  He published an encyclical Peace on Earth in 1963.  Universal peace in truth, justice, charity and liberty was the theme.  I believe this encyclical was about human rights.

Papa, I love you!

This is a special two blog entries in one day.  It is a special day.  I wanted to honor my favorite father.

The Meaning behind the Sunflower

There is specific significance of the Sunflower to the Jewish people.  Not all are aware.  During and after the war, when a German soldier was buried the German people planted sunflowers on the graves of their loved ones.
For the Jewish people, this act was a sting.  They did not get the luxury of a grave site for their loved ones.  Their loved ones were incinerated or dumped in a mass grave.
The "problem" of the sunflower is this:  Is it possible or necessary to forgive somebody who has no remorse for their actions?  I have that problem at times myself.

I researched this a few years ago so if I have something wrong in the discourse, please forgive me.

This is me and my older sister posed with the sunflower in Bitburg Germany. Sister holds a "spade." Sunflower leaf. Spades represent death or weapons.

This is the neighbor Uta posed with me with a sunflower. She holds the babe,( the Germans hold me?)  I think I may be the Jewess in these pictures.  But of course one cannot be sure that an intellectual like my father would put meaning in his photos.  Did he put meaning into his favorite wine, Riesling.  The Riesling area of Germany was Hitler's last stand.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Am I Science and Religion?

In 2004 for some reason I believed that I was the offspring of Pope John XXIII. I thought that while the Pope walked the streets of Rome he was kidnapped, drugged, or raped for his seed(He had a pattern of walking our at night.).   I perceive instructions and facts from my Angel Spirit guide.  It is curious though, if perhaps I overheard things said around me while I was in my alter personality.  An alter personality is a multiple personality that a person can develop after being exposed to trauma. I believe mine to be a form of spiritual possession.

When I was a teenager, there was a young man that playfully called me "Einstein".  In 2013 I felt compelled to research Albert Einstein.  I even took a book out of the library about him.  He had a nice disposition.  I did discover that he was not the nicest husband  and father at times.  I got to wondering if I was related to Albert Einstein.  He had two sons, one with a family that moved to California, the other lived with his mother when he was not locked up for schizophrenia.  Could this man have had an illegitmate daughter who had a liaison with Roncalli? (Roncalli is the Pope's given surname)

Another scenario goes as follows.  Some Germans might hate Pope John XXIII.  He rescued Jews in World War II and changed the liturgy so as to be less antisemitic.  The Germans might have felt justified in pursuing the extermination of the Jews with the wording of the church service being anti Jewish.  Were there people who wanted to create a sort of vendetta, using biologics (sperm and egg?)

Now what do we have after World War II?  We have the Nazi doctors going to America to guide the US in experimenting on people.  I have mentioned Mk Ultra, Project Blue bird and Project Paperclip.
I see men sitting around a room with nothing to do but dream up experiments.  Was I dreamt up in an office?  Did American spies sit around and figure out how to get an offspring of Angelo Rancalli and Albert Einstein created?  Was my biological mother paid to have me and give me to the government?  My perceived father was in the service. (a doctor in the Airforce)

My parents where anticatholic in that time period.  I am unsure of their sentiments toward the Jewish people.  I am certain that a triple letter organization in the USA did not like Jews or Roman Catholics in the 1950s or 1960s..

This really would explain why I would be marketable as a porn star in an alter personality.  "Lets go watch a popes daughter do crazy things for the camera."  Any porn would be on the "dark internet."  I imagine people would pay to enter a site.

It also stands to reason why I would be marketable as a prostitute.  "Hey, ya wanna f-- science and religion, together?"

This is me, on the Keuka Lake Bluff at about three months old.  Note the proud father's expression.

This is all angelic conjecture.  Albert says, "God does not play dice with the Universe."

Friday, June 19, 2015

Today is Friday

Today is Friday.  The Rosary Mysteries?  The Sorrowful, of course.  I love the rosary.  If you are really dedicated there is a character trait to each of the mysteries that can be worked on.  I used to do the character traits.  For instance, for "carrying of the cross, one might ask, dear Jesus, help me carry my crosses without complaint".  For the Visitation, "please guide me to good relationships with my family"

Tuesdays and Fridays  are the Sorrowful mysteries.  When I get to the fifth one (Jesus dying on the cross)  I like to remember his seven last words which are as follows, not in any particular order.

It is finished
I thirst
Mother your son, son your mother
Father forgive them for they know not what they do
Father, why have you forsaken me?
Today you will be with me in Paradise
Father, into your hands I commend my spirit

The other sorrowful mysteries, Agony in the Garden, The scourging, Crowning with Thorns, Carrying of the Cross.

While doing these prayers..Our Father and ten Hail Mary's the best thing to help your spirit with belief is to mentally envision the mystery.  There are plenty of famous paintings one can use or you can just use ones own imagination.  I like to interject my own people (Laurentian drama style)

I think of my daughter who is named Natalie when I imagine the Nativity scene (third Joyful).  I think of her and her role as a young mother when I call to mind Mary and the baby Jesus.

I think of myself and my sister when I think of Mary and Elizabeth.  I am Amy Maria and my sister is Lisa which is a derivation of Elizabeth.  I bring the mystery home, I think of how nice it would be to have a genuine friendship with her.

The Luminous mystery number 2.  The wedding at Cana.  I think about Mary instructing Jesus to do his first miracle.  Nice Jewish Mom knows it is the right time to get her son onto his ministry.

I believe that when you are vibrating the air with your words and envisioning the actual mystery while holding a bead, that you unite yourself with all the aspects of Jesus's life.  You go there in a sense.  You enter into a different dimension and are with him.  I see it as a form of time travel.

The Rosary takes about twenty minutes.  I am sure that there are plenty of on line guides on all the prayers and there order.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

"Bipolar" the True Meaning about me

The amusing thing about myselves and what causes great satisfaction among my owners is my diametrically opposite personalities.  My baseline personality is a woman of faith.  She goes to Mass frequently and prays the rosary.  She would not normally have sex with a stranger and if she did she would regret it for years.  The title of "bipolar" meaning two opposites elicits much mirth.

The sexed up Maggie persona, on the other hand is a porn star and prostitute.  I have only a few glimpses of her consciousness.  I would think that my owners would consider her the person that the above pure Amy wishes to be.  No.  I do not desire to be Maggie. When I am Maggie it is in fact a spiritual possession.  I have always loved St. Mary Magdalen.  She is known for her repentance.  I believe that the spirit that came to help me is Mary Magdalen, the actress.  If, I, in this alter personality appeared to like my work, it was all an act.  Maggie, (the Magdalen) possessed me to help me cope.

The Worshipers of Satan call  on demons to help them with their spells.  The worshipers of Jesus call and Saints to help us cope with the shenanigans of the devil.  I am not Mary Magdalen in a previous life, according to my Angel.  She was a regular human woman saint.  There is no evolution of spirit life.  There is no such thing as time.  I am an eternal being.  This reality-world is an illusion.  None of these ideas are new...I have read about them in several different faith traditions.

Prior to my father's death, he recounted a story about auras seen on me as a youth.  Did that cause some to think a good drama would be to make me into a sex goddess?

My sister once told me that there are no victims only willing participants.  There might be some truth to that in my case.  Maggie the Magdalen willingly came to my aid.  I  like to associate with the Hindu Goddess Durga....on a mission.

Of course, My mission is all worked out in my Poppet art and Journals.  Nobody needs to fear me, in the physical realm.  My work is all carried out within myself, as this world is an illusion, I  can do that.  I certainly would never accuse anybody of anything as their response would not be a confession.  It would be the "you need more medication" then they would put me in a trance and say "bend over."

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Pre-First Love

I have written about my first love, Joe, who went on to be an actor. I actually had another first love- call it the pre-first love. His name was David. He was Jewish, although I am unsure if he practiced his Judaic heritage. I must say that my life was bifurcated. There was the Clifton Springs world and the Keuka Lake world. David was of the Keuka lake world, that made him superior. He was and is a talented musician. He would bring his bass down to the lake every summer and play music.  His family stayed with mutual friends. The friend was a woman that my mother had known since high school. I thought that David was very cute and funny.(He liked to imitate the Three Stooges)  Little did I know that my preoccupation with boys was a mental escape. An alter was being created, by my family. I had witnessed a horrific event and used thoughts of boys to block out the memory.

One time we had a campfire on the beach and I gave David a back rub. I have to say now that the event was one of the most romantic events in my life.  (We were not alone.)  Another memorable event was the Leonids Meteor shower.  Keuka lake is shaped like a letter Y.  The land mass that comes between the branches is called the"Bluff"  There was an area without many trees that we hiked to from our cottages to watch for shooting stars at the top of the Bluff. (the bunch of us.)  I did not know at the time that shooting stars are ill omens.

I believe that it was when I was in seventh grade that David wrote me a letter. It was fairly short. He signed it “Love,” At twelve or thirteen, the word love on a letter is very significant. David was a few years older than me. I waited for several months for him to come to the lake during vacation. He brought a girlfriend this time. That was a supreme disappointment.

When I was seventeen and dating my husband to be, David and his sister Emily invited me to come to Philadelphia. I agreed and was so excited that I wanted to come as soon as possible. I don't know if anything happened between me and David on that trip. There are memory drugs and techniques used with “alters”....I will probably never know. I do know that Emily was hostile towards me and I knew not why.

We went to a Nature Reserve and looked for waterfowl the next day. I recall David's father was somewhat cheap about where we ate. (I was used my mother's extravagance)  We flew back from Philly together as he was a music student in Rochester.  The jet experienced turbulence.  I recall his bright  wide eyes and how he smiled with each bump.

A few years back David had played the role of my Knight in Shining Armor. Us young girls, there were four of us, were squabbling about something. David assessed the situation and decided that the girls were not being fair to me and he spoke up on my behalf.

Another time, I was judging somebody (us girls did that regularly) and he corrected me. He advised that I should not pass judgement and that people had a right to enjoy their own interests.(He taught me a moral lesson.)

He also edified me about Judaism. He said it is a religion, not a race of people.

I wish that I could have known David over the past 40 years. Nobody from the lake culture will have anything to do with me. They know more about me than I do myself. The alter personality keeps most of her secrets.  I have been knocking on her door...'tis only a matter of time.

I have written to him several times.  Why no response?  Am I a less-than breed of person because I have "bipolar" so everyone is nervous around me?  Or perhaps I am a sex slave and some organization runs my life that scares people to death.  I just can't buy the bipolar reason, as many people have it and it should not make a person a pariah.  Perhaps they think that they might have to make a choice were they in conversation with me.  Confirm my sex slave suspicions or deny them..either choice has its own problems.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

While an Art Student

I had a certain art professor while at college that I felt mixed feelings for.  When we first met I sensed in him a hostility  towards me, so much that I was driven to a brief moment of tears.  As his student I perceived in myself a sense of distasteful neediness.  I eagerly awaited feedback regarding my work, but at the same time, that eagerness for approval was a little over the top.  I was an aggressive student, right there with the answer when student input was desired.  I thought that I did have some sort of a crush on him.
The first drawing we shared in intro to drawing he did not give me feedback that it was too light until the drawing was displayed before the class.  I felt as if he was showing me that I was not that great- and saved that message for a public moment.  He gave a wire sculpture assignment which he guided me on.  The sculpture was reminiscent of a penis and scrotum.  I did not see this until the piece was finished.  It has just reminded me of a fish.  I believe it was a biomorphic project.

I became what I describe as "manic" this "bipolar" or drug or hypnosis induced.  With that I wrote a series of emails to him.  He politely asked me to curtail this activity as he had many serious student requests and did not want the distraction.  He was fairly kind to me during my time of excessive focus on him.  None of the emails were overtly seductive.

There was a young woman who also had feelings for this Professor B.  She and I became friends.  He favorited her.  I was a little jealous, but I was unsure that I really liked him anyway.  He called all students "guys", Hey guys, guys this and guys that.  It annoyed me. Everything was "tricky."   I began to perceive that he was using her for his ego enjoyment.  He was a little older than me.  The young girl eventually graduated but she sent me photos to my iphone of the two of them posing together.

Decmber of 2012 I posted a video I had created on youtube.  It was candlelight and on the table was the wire sculpture and some figurines.  I used a deep voice when I described a tiny photo of him,(using his name).  It was creepy but nothing threatening. I was acting out of a feminist viewpoint, as I thought he was sexist. I became hospitalized and when I came out of the hospital I found that I had been kicked out of his class.

Prior to this event, I had been asleep in my own bed and seen his naked body and heard his voice in my dreams.  I believe that this was a slippage of my one personality to another.  In the other personality, Maggie, I had a sexual encounter with him.  I believe that whomever is my "handler", watched my emails and set me up with him.  This of course cannot be proven.  I believe that when I am asleep the handler enters my home and speaks the name of the alter, and the alter wakes up.  She carries out what ever instructions that are given her.

Well, Professor B. had me disciplined for the video.  I responded with the details of the young woman writing me texts at 11 pm, while she was all distraught, in love with him.  I explained that the video was a feminist response.

Eventually he told the Security at the School that it was alright if I emailed him.  I have and he has never responded.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Harry Potter Identity Crisis

I have only read  the first Harry Potter book and I have seen most of the movies.  I actually had a Harry Potter identity crisis in October of 2013.  How can that be?  You are a fifty-some year old woman, how can you possibly identify with Harry Potter.  I noticed in 2009 when visiting my Boyfriend's brother, that we both had scars on our foreheads.  I said, "Gee, we both have Harry Potter scars."  Then one day in October 2013 I remembered that I got my Harry Potter scar while my father and family were stationed in Bitburg, Germany(I was 4 years old). I fell against the curb and my father stitched my brow. (he was an MD in the Airforce) I recalled being babysat at the German neighbors.  While I was there a green ball of lightening came into the room.  For all I know, it could have entered my body in the fresh wound on my forehead.  Bingo!  I am Harry Potter.

Here is the scar  above my brow.  My apologies for the homely picture.

The main theme of Harry Potter series is death.  I have this peculiar story in my life drama.  I have thought that people try to kill me and I time loop out of the attempt.  My first time was when I was one and a half and I drowned at the lake and my grandfather pulled me from the water.

 There are events in my adolescence and as a young mother.  I cannot prove any of them.  I have one to share that is interesting, when I was on the Bluff at Keuka Lake.  I was stopped by the police because I was trespassing.  I was saying a rosary on the switch back, a site where I thought that I was murdered, then shape shifted with a deer, to come back to life.  I was on the road after and this police man was talking to me and I reached for a cracker.  I looked up and the demeanor of the sheriff deputy had changed.  He started telling me about how he tries to go to church and how he was trying to lose weight.  I had the feeling that when I reached for the cracker, he shot me.  The sheriff was discombobulated. Nothing occurred in my perceptions, though, other than the conversation.

If something like this was happening to me, I am sure nobody would tell me.  Best to keep the strange creature as self aware as little as possible.  If I am a strange creature, what of the little boy with the glasses? (my son)  He banged his noggin on the counter top and has a Harry Potter scar as well. At this point in my linear life my son is like the final episode of Harry Potter, with a wife and a little one in the stroller.

My parents have for years been friends with the local factory owner in Clifton Springs.  I am sure that there is a branch of the factory in Ireland.  Small world.

I recall feeling so special when the women friends said good-bye to me in Germany( '66).  They  made me feel very special and gave my stickers of roses on a black background.  To this day I love flowers on a black background.  (as in fabric)

Now, who exactly is Voldemort in my world?

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Holy Sacraments and the Flow of Qi

The sacrament of confession is a very important sacrament, or so I believe.  Now, yesterday, I went and blew the priest away.  He was not in the habit of hearing some of the stuff that I shared about my life.  Don't worry the term"bipolar" saved his cognitive abilities.  He was able to compartmentalize and all was well.  I don't really agree with his methodology when dealing with Mr. Lucifer.  "Just put it out of your mind".  To me that is cowardice.  Like I said in previous blog entries, when I was 16 or 17 I looked at the background through the mirror feeling as if I was surrounded by demons. I fear no evil. If I were to put it out of my mind like in the past, I might end up on my back again in a different alter.

When I saw the demons in my third eye was at the time that I started dating my husband, (this is an aside)  I knew we were not right for each other and I was considering a break-up but he begged me never to leave him.  I made the commitment.   I was a freshman at Ithaca college and came home to stay on the winter break.  I was fearful of the world and could not put my finger on it as to why.  Fearful of the world but not of demons.  Go figure.  (this occurred after reading The Exorcist-in which the priest fails to rid the girl of the demon)

What was most interesting yesterday, after confession and absolution was a glimpse of the honey comb pattern in my closed eye vision while I sat quietly waiting for Mass to begin.  I perceive that when one receives the sacrament there is a flow of the Holy Spirit or qi (chi).  I only have seen the honeycomb pattern a few times.  During reconciliation the priest acts as Jesus, Jesus' spirit is with the priest.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Invisible Beams? Imaginary or Real

In 2013, when my mood was accelerated, I believed myself to be a target.  I did some driving around to old familiar sites.  I went to the site of my parents cottage and to the laneway where I first had sexual relations with the man that would be my husband.  While I drove about, I feared that some of the vehicles on the road with me were firing some sort of device at me.  I thought maybe it was radio waves of a high magnitude.  Who would have I thought were my enemies?  I was thinking the Illuminati or maybe the KKK.

I was locked away on June 19, 2013 after a judge in Yates county perceived me to be threatening him.  I said,"The Karmic wheel goes round and round, you will get yours!"  I wanted family counseling ordered, not to be kept away from my child for a year.  On June 21 there was a story in the news.  It is about a device that the KKK members had made.   From what I gather, the man who tinkered with this weapon wanted to equalize the playing field and sell the Jewish people one of his devices.  If he was doing so, I imagine that the members of the KKK already had such guns.

So, here you have it, some thoughts that would be considered a "delusion" by the medical authorities are grounded in an actual reality.

How does one fight in such a situation?  Well, for me it is easy.  My spirit does not only dwell on earth.  I also live in a realm where objects, such as poppets, represent real characters.  I explained weeks ago that one morning one of my alien poppets was weakened and I saw him wounded in my inner vision.  I was able to revive him of course.  What looks like a little dolly is really a being in the other dimension.  After my little alien poppet was wounded I made them guns and shields.  You see, while I sleep I hear cracking in my walls.  It could be just the shifting of the house with the varying temperatures  or maybe not.  It could be radiological beams.  It is a fanciful idea.  Why would anybody want to hurt me?  I have my theories.

I have my little alien poppet soldiers that keep watch every night.  Occasionally I might tire of the routine of putting them in the window.  My angel says, "No, Amy, you must put the guard up"

Each has a name.  Now what type of energy do they shoot at people who bother me (be they witches warlocks, or white knights?)  I cannot divulge.  These guys are not forewarned.  Notice, my characters are for defense.
This is all fanciful- if you chose to believe...welcome to the other side!

Thursday, June 11, 2015

The Project-and other ramblings

I said yesterday that I had a project, it is a memoir.  I hope to make it interesting enough to actually be published.  I have a full reality, much to be explained.  Some is conjecture.  If I blog every day I will be  taking steam from the memoir project.  Thanks for all the reads.  I read the bible every night before bed and my Angelic spirit is Arch Angel Raphael. There might be a controversy about my reality, some thinking I am evil.  I don't perceive myself as evil.(and the rosary also protects me.)

Why would the men in power who wrote the bible not want people talking to the dead?  The dead might reveal truths that the men in power want hidden, that is why.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Wish Me Luck!

When I fall asleep, if I forget to say my prayers, I will be jolted awake by my spirit angel helper and told to say them.  Last night I was jolted to the phosphenic image a person with a lit candle in front of their face.  I got up and said some more thank-you prayers before a lit candle and then went back to sleep.

The other day I asked my readers to telepathically speak to me.  This did happen yesterday, and I shall not disclose who or what other than to say I have to work on project and shall not be blogging daily for a while.

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

May-September 2013

April to May of 2013.  I wrote some emails and texts to my children.  I had no aggressive intent, but non-the-less they felt frightened and pursued legal means to keep me away.  I found it hard to believe, that a sick mother would be pushed away rather than to enter into a dialogue with.  I was upset with the Penn Yan judge during the "Trial" and told him that "the Karmic wheel goes round and round, you will get yours."  He thought that that translated to "I'll get you." It does not in my interpretation. (I was judged to be away from my own child for a whole year.) After that episode I was sent the the local psych hospital and from there I was sent to the State hospital as I was perceived as dangerous.  I am not dangerous.  I feel that the whole drama was trumped up.  I was in the state hospital for two months.  I was asked' "do you know why you are here?"  I said, "I am a political prisoner."  I had posted some 75 videos while manic about some unsolved murders of children, about local racism, etc,  and they must have been explosive enough for people to want to shut me up.  I was warned by a friend of high social standing that I would be punished.  "Be careful!"

I was concerned that I was a Mk ultra, project paperclip person and that my children were mind controlled.  I was also concerned about the Illuminati in my life.

Around the time of my son's trial, I started to perceive that I was a time looper.  I believed that I had been killed numerous times and looped out of time to come back as though nothing happened.  I made a list of all the times that I had been killed.  This list was found and misinterpreted as a hit list that I had created to get people.  This list was illegally taken from my home and used as evidence that I needed an AOT.  An AOT is government oversite of one's mental health care.  I am finally off AOT as of last month. (aot- you can't leave the state without permission, if you miss an appointment you are psych arrested)

 I am a non-violent creature.  If I were ever to have such feelings I would work them out through my art and my art is just art.  It is not a plan of action.  Through all my troubles with the law and people I was never given credit to be an artist expressing oneself.  I was always considered to be a mental patient first, and my art was evidence of my character.  This is a grave violation to my spirit.  I am not violent.  If my art were to hint at violence it is a benign expression, not a plan of action or proof of an evil character.

I have written some blog entries about what happened at the hospital, such as interactions with people who appeared to be possessed.  I interacted with several people closely, but two cut me off abruptly one even calling me the c word for not apparent reason.  (Perhaps he has seen the work of my alter personality)  I met several people who had the experience of hearing voices.

I was let out and by some standards it was too soon, as I still did not think of myself as a less-than mentally ill person. (Sept 2013)

Monday, June 8, 2015

What Happened in April of 2013

In April of 2013 I went on a road trip.  First I attempted to enter Canada and was denied due to insufficient plans.  I traveled along the northern edge of New York state and was struck by the lack of diversity.  I took photos on my iphone.  I then decided to go to Salem, Mass.  I secured a room at the Nathaniel Hawthorne Hotel.  My car had self inflicted graffiti and dents in it.  I toured the witchy town and stayed for about 4 or five days.

I came home, and in my mind I imagined that I bought home spirits to help me with my issues.  I brought home Sara Good and Rebecca Nurse and Brigit among others.

I had mailed my key to my girlfriend from Salem, I don't recall why, but it was in my back yard in plane site on my bicycle seat. Over the next few days I seemed to escalate.  I recalled that as a young woman I had resurrected a dead duckling.  It was cold and stiff and I brought it in the house and it came back to life.  I thought about how I had had a bicycle accident with an elbow injury at about the same time.  The elbow had a stone in it...tiny about the size of a beebee.  I imagined that the stone was a tracking device, as my  parents had insisted that the elbow scar be revised as it was a keloid.  My parents would never take the interest in my elbow vanity so I figured that this was some sort of adjustment to the tracker.  This was in the mid nineteen seventies.  My girlfriend with whom I went biking the day of the accident was a German immigrant.  This fueled my fears about Neo Nazi involvement in my life.  I tried to cut out the little device which was unsuccessful.  I put up a video of a bloody elbow and the police came to my door at 4 am.  I assured them I was not going to hurt myself.

I made a drawing in pastels of myself and a movie star.  I had received a mental message that I had been purchased as a slave on an underground market.  I left the drawing a the home of the German family.  The called the police as I had written the word "Nazi" and I was arrested.  I was put in the mental hospital overnight after being booked.

It is interesting to note that in 2004 I took off to Italy and was gone for weeks, no report of missing persons was ever made.  Perhaps it was unnecessary due to the device.  I have had some female surgeries over the years so if the elbow was obsolete there might have been some other tracker implanted.  That is imaginary of course.  I believed that I was maybe an Illuminati "player piece".

Sunday, June 7, 2015

A Few Years Ago

Over the years I have been a mother and worked as a nurse.  Occasionally I would have an episode of psychosis.  My mood would be elevated and my voice pressured.  I would think unusual thoughts.  In 2004 for instance, I believed that I was Pope John XXIII's illegitimate child.  I thought that I was smuggled out of Italy by the US Government and given to my parents to raise.  I would go many months not believing such.  I did not know of any "alters" or multiple personalities.

In December of 2012, on the 6th, I went to my son's house for dinner.  I was already "speeded up".  I ate a plate of food and afterward I become somewhat irrational.  I recall the children playing with glow tubesand they made me think of me of halos.  My grandson reminded me of Luke Skywalker--he had a red light laser sword. I touched my daughters head, but without any violent intent.  (this was later described as boxing her ears). I must have had anger with my father as I keyed his car that night before I drove home, fast and erratic.  A few days later I started talking in a strange language and was taken into the mental hospital.  I believed that I had to walk counter clockwise in a major intersection of Canandaigua in order to remove the racist curse that is on the city. The strange language lasted two or three days.

A few days later it was December 12, 2012.  There was something going on in the media about the Mayan Calendar.  I spoke with my son in law on the phone.  I said, Happy New World Day, (or something similar)  He replied "we don't believe in that stuff"  and he hung up on me.  My daughter in law picked me up to go home and I was now on medication.  I had stopped the medication the previous April, except for lithium.

I spent Christmas with family.  It went well, I remember playing music with the family.  I played the spoons.  I had given maracas to my grandson as a Christmas gift.

In February another episode occurred.  This time I perceived that I was being radiated.  I began to listen to a voice telling me what I had to do to combat it. Much of what was told to me was true, eat almonds and such.  The voice was that of my ex boyfriend.  Because it was a familiar voice I was receptive.  On February 6, 2013 I thought that I died and woke up in purgatory. This was after, while lying in bed, I had the feeling that I was an arms and legs the electrons, spinning all around.   My license plate has the letters EXP 2613 (perhaps jumbled).  I thought it was some sort of coincidence.  It is also Eva Braun's birthday.  I had spent time researching Eva Braun and her light -hearted personality.  I was not impressed with the lack of feminism in the Nazi philosophy.  But it stands to reason.

I had cut my own hair very short (to alter my vibration) and I lost 15 lbs while in the hospital, because I would only eat sugar/salt water.  That was under the direction of a spirit guide.  I did not know who it was.  I knew that it was not my former boyfriend.  The February episode is when I stated seeing the phosphenic visions.  These were of animals (lion) and angels. When I was apprehended it was by four cop  cars in the evening when I was out for a walk.  I was wearing a fur coat, yet there reasoning was that I was not safely dressed.  I think I had on pajama pants.  Perhaps family was behind the arrest.  I started praying a Hail Mary when apprehended but the report said that I was speaking unintelligibly.

I don't hear voices, my interactions with the spirit world is more of a shared consciousness.

 When I got home researched about Mk ultra, project paperclip, etc.  This fueled my fantastic ideas about who and what I am.  I was most concerned that I was an Illuminati victim and that my children and their families were too.  There is no way that one can break the wall of silence of the people involved in that sort of drama.  They continue to deny the truth.

I recall my sister talking to me in the 1980's she said specifically,  "there are no victims, everyone is a willing participant."  This was while talking about a certain unnamed cult.  She said "death is the punishment for breaking the code of silence".  So, I can believe what I need to as it cannot be confirmed either way.  I have no intention of accusing anybody as it is pointless.

This story will be continued...into April of 2013

Saturday, June 6, 2015


For the past two mornings my phosphenic image has been showing me a camera.  This morning a white owl had the camera.  I am charging my camera battery and will post photos of my world per the request of the supernatural.  Stay tuned.

"The owl spirit animal is emblematic of a deep connection with wisdom and intuitive knowledge. If you have the owl as totem or power animal, you’re likely to have the ability to see what’s usually hidden to most. When the spirit of this animal guides you, you can see the true reality, beyond illusion and deceit. The owl also offers for those who have it a personal totem the inspiration and guidance necessary to deeply explore the unknown and the magic of life." From the internet.

This is where I sit at my computer.

I sleep in the bunk bed.  There is no metal in the bed.  My strange angelic guide prefers me to sleep here.

I sit on my bed during the day and work out spiritual problems with my art.  Right now I am using this big green book.

These are my poppet friends.  The living are on the far right.

More poppets..also considered spirit guides.  I can communicate with them.

This is where I sew them.  Sorry for the clutter.

This is my kitchen..clutter again.  I should get busy.

This is where I watch the news.

This is my front door.  I bought some nice lace from England with dragon flies as a pattern.

Now if you want, with these image vibrations, you might want to try to talk to  me through telepathy.  I am very receptive.  

Friday, June 5, 2015

Peace Love Dove

If you are a violent person, you might be prone to project your violence onto others.  I have always hated guns, war, conflict, bombs, and murder.  I am a totally non-violent person.  As a person I look up to non-violent people, Martin Luther King Jr, John Lennon, Ghandi and Thomas Merten are a few of my favs.  I am non-violent.  If you have done me wrong, fear not -I will not come after you.  I will follow my Lords directives, "Pray for those who persecute you."  Please do not project your violent nature onto me.

If in your life you have called upon the powers of darkness you need not expect a fear aggression reaction from me.  When I was seventeen I looked through the mirror at the room around me and saw a room full of demons. It was then that I was given my challenge.  I do not fear evil.

I recall singing "Michael Row the Boat Ashore" as a youngster...I am a peace, love, dove chick.

I have a vision for God's Kingdom to come on earth.  I would not miss it for the world. (as in be locked up for violence)  I expect the vision to become a reality.  I call upon God.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Today's Phosphene

A phosphene is a glowing image one sees with closed eyes.  There is  no light source other than the brain or spiritual connections.

I have phosphenic images upon awakening and also as I fall asleep at night.  Not  every night, though.

This morning I had an image of tears flowing from a person.  Next frame, flashes a picture of a man with his right eye glowing.  The right eye stands for the sun in Egyptian symbiology....

In the Illuminati symbolism of the eye, it is the left eye depicted.

Yesterday  morning I awoke to a phosphene of a  white glowing  eye looking all around,,,as if keeping watch.

I perceive  that the source of my phosphenes to be a particular Arche Angel that helps me.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Honeycomb Pattern and the Bomb-edited

In my fantasy world, I am a timeless being.  Proof of this experience has to do with the bomb.  I have printed photos of the detonation of the first few bombs and placed the pictures in my journal.  Why would I need such inspiration when I hate the bomb?  I have been assigned to rid the world of demons. (as the Archetype: Durga).  The photos of the bomb detonations each have a little demon face embedded in the gases.  These demonic forces must be encountered and  subdued or befriended.  The demons in my world in which I live are formidable.  The atomic bomb photos are charged and I harness that power.  Just thinking about putting my left hand over the picture causes my hand to feel warm.  As a timeless being a photo is not in the past, it is present in a different realm.  My hand can reach through the realm to get the bomb energy.

Nothing I will do will be in an actual encounter with a person.  All energies are through and in my own mind.  If you are infested with a demon, I can expel it as I work through the imagery in my mind.  If you feel that you have done me wrong, I have no intentions of pursuing you.....other than within the imagery in my mind.  My mind is very powerful.  (I just edited this and added this paragraph--after an encounter with Our Lord and Savior JC--He said check that out -it needs to be clear that you are non-violent).

So the bomb energy enters me. I don't perceive myself to be radioactive, but the force of the bomb is now in my chi flow.  Two times after putting my hand over the pictures I have gone to the lake shore. The lake shore is about 5 minutes away.   I love to look at the patterns behind my eyelids when I go to the shore.  There are these tealish gray pebbly shapes (flickering) that I see.  Now on two occasions in which I have gone to the water after interacting with the bomb photos I have seen a beautiful golden honeycomb pattern behind my closed eyes.  (after I see the teal pebbly shapes).

I believe these patterns to be evidence of a higher level of chi which occurs after interacting with the bomb photos.
I researched honeycomb patterns and I see where people on drugs have hallucinated this.  I am not the only person in the world to experience honeycombs.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

A Code of Ethics

King Arthur and the knights of the Round Table.  What does that call to mind?  To me it calls to mind men who live according to a code of ethics.  They are righteous. Throughout my years when I have become emotionally worked up, it often has to do with worries about sexual abuse.

I don't know for sure who has endured sexual abuse or if they even know it.  Even more is the question of "do they perceive that they have been abused or taken advantage of?"  Young girls are easy prey to their fathers.  I believe the television series Twin Peaks set into motion a trend where more young women were molested by their own fathers.  It is a taboo topic so there is no way of knowing the numbers.

When I think of this it really makes me angry.  A father is there to protect his daughter, not plunder her treasure box. When a father seduces his daughter he breaks a sacred trust.  He also destroys the honest relationship the daughter had with her mother.  If the daughter is happy about the tryst, she is messed up prior to her sacred relationship with her future husband.  The Father that sexualizes his relationship with his daughter is the ultimate of selfish beasts.

 Hitler had a sexual relationship with his niece. The Jewish people as a whole do not molest their own kids.  In the bible it specifically says, "the Jews do not do this".  I would suppose many Christians thought, "well, we should then." The Christian mantra, "You are forgiven," can be seen by some as license to sin.

I would imagine that my boundaries were not respected.  I believe that I was sold by my mother to a family friend and was in an alter personality or drugged.  If you read prior blog entries you will see that in my life there is a pattern of secrets and lies.

A long time ago I was with a boyfriend visiting his daughters.  Something was not right, I could sense it..a secret double entendre language.  I ended the relationship immediately following the trip.  Abuse of power over the innocent is something I want no part of, ever.

Monday, June 1, 2015

The Mystery of the Pesto Noodle

About four days ago I had pesto noodles for supper.  Yesterday, I cleaned the table and put fresh place mats on.  When I was clearing the table after the meal, I noticed a moist pesto noodle on the place mat.  How did a fresh pesto noodle from three days ago get on the place mat? I was entertaining my son and his wife yesterday.

It is interesting to note that a few nights back, the night of the pesto meal, while falling asleep I saw a phosphene of a gun shooting.  (May 29-30) I awoke during the night to a succession of click noises and I went back to sleep.  Perhaps, my consciousness went back to sleep, and my body went elsewhere.  In this fantasy my body was put in the back of a pickup truck.

Perhaps, by the time the pickup got to its destination, my body was no longer there on the flatbed.  I had looped back in time, as it is not my time to die.  So, somehow the noodle from the other night deposited itself on last night's place mat.  Why?  How?