Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer

Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer
And in the End was the Word, Amy's Word

Total Pageviews

Follow by Email

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Power of Miniatures

This is me in 1965.  November 1- it was All Saints day and the city of Paris was shut down for the Holiday.  This was the first time my mind wrapped around the idea of a small human spirit holding in her hand  something larger than life.  I am holding a model of the huge Eiffel Tower.  It was a lesson for my consciousness many years in advance. (Kinda like Microcosm equals macrocosm.)

The funny thing about this picture of my father is that he looks like a priest blessing me.  Maybe he prayed/blessed for me to be as strong as a man.

This little plastic model was stepped on and eventually thrown out in the 1980's.  In 2004, when I was in Florence, Italy I was lucky enough to find one at the Ponte Vecchio made of silver to replace the broken one.  When they got me the plastic one I recall how I wanted one made of metal.  Even at age four I had an aversion to plastic.  I had repeated said "I want an Eiffel tower the entire trip from Bitburg, Germany where we lived to Paris.  I earned the title "tenacious".

Sorry if this is a self absorbed memoir today..... I would love to see the Eiffel tower again on French soil.

Monday, March 30, 2015

The Amazing Woodchuck: In Art and in Reality

The spirit of the Woodchuck or Groundhog is asking to be recognized.  This little animal is considered to be a pest to farmers and gardeners.  My father Fred has said that all creatures have a right to exist.  When I went to William Smith college in the eighties  I heard the term "speciesist".  Everyone knows that it is morally wrong to be racist, but not all consider being a speciesist a character flaw.  A speciesist woud believe that some animals are superior and worthwhile and that other animals can be cruelly disregarded by slaughter.

Mr. woodchuck is insulted that the humans in upstate New York use the term "woodchuck" to describe an uncultured rural person, the practice of which combines racism and speciesism.  During my years on the dairy farm my ex husband would insert smoke bombs into their dens and eliminate them.

When I was a little girl in elementary school one of my friends kept a baby woodchuck in his dresser drawer.  I imagine that he eventually freed it.  I had a dog, Jenny and she loved to hunt and kill woodchucks.  I am most sorry that you suffered, my little friend.

The ground hog or woodchuck with its tunnels and dens, is very much  one with the earth.  I see in the woodchuck a spirit that while being aggressive,  it very loyal to its family.  They whistle warnings to each other.  I have been conscious of wood chucks for 50 years and I only just learned that they are able to climb trees.

The ground hog, here in America actually has a holiday named after it- Ground hogs day.  Robert Frost wrote a poem, A Drumlin Woodchuck and there is also a movie, "Gound hogs day".  The Woodchuck has secularized Candlemas.  Candlemas is the holy day which commemorates Jesus being presented at the Temple with an offering of two doves as a baby. It also is the midpoint of winter.

This is my spirit woodchuck (fetish) out in my backyard. 

When my son was a high school student driving to school ever day he used to watch a mother and child wood chuck.  Sadly, they were both killed on the road.  He does not recall how he appreciated them once upon a time  I did this portrait a year ago out of paint and material.  (These look a little like bears)  I memorialized them..  Wood chucks Rule!

In my fantasy world were I am Earth Mother- Forest Queen I choose the Woodchuck to be part of my court.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Dearest Spirit of the Trilobite, We Need You!

When I was a young girl of 11 or twelve I was playing in a gravel pile and happened to find a treasure.  I don't know where the gravel was from, probably not to far away as it was limestone.
I found a trilobite fossil.  That fossil has been with me all my life.  I would bet that the fossil has a spirit.

Trilobites ruled the ocean world for  millions of years.  They suffered mass extinction only 250 million years ago.  If you follow my blog, a few days ago I assumed the role of the Earth Mother after she gifted me a green bowling ball, from the side of the road a few years back.  The now painted green bowling ball is my Earth.
I call on the Trilobites of the past, I hold the fossil in my hand and visualize the creature. I see the trilobite in my closed eye vision.  Eventually he crawls into a portal....exiting my inner world to go  back to the planet earth.  I hold the planet Earth in my arms. The trilobite spirits says it can be of help to clean the oceans.

  Our precious Earth.

"The trilobites were among the most successful of all early animals, roaming the oceans for over 270 million years.[2]"  

I think that we can trust them to do a good job.

This is a fantastic idea, don't you think?

Saturday, March 28, 2015

How to Become a Crazy Nut

Hey, Amy, tell us how you first became a crazy nut.

I mentioned in a previous blog that I did not share core values with "the Huntsman".  The first two years of our union were alright.  Then a terrible thing happened.  I fell for the Huntsman's older brother.  (1983)

Now I realize how scandalous that is.  It was even more scandalous in the early eighties.  I  professed my affections to my sister in law (their oldest sister), when my brother-in-law took off on a motor cycle tour of the country.  I don't know what possessed me to tell her.  She then spoke to him and of course he knew nothing about my affections.  The years that followed were hard.  People avoided me and often my children as well.  My Huntsman got wind of it and he no longer trusted me.  Many people decided I was not one to spend time with.  I was a kook and did not know what was real.  This was a common line:  "what if it happens again?" The social reaction to my moral weakness was not an easy thing to take.  My blood relation were not impressed with my situation either.  I clung to my little children.  I recited the Lord's Prayer and learned the Hail Mary.

I think in actuality it was just my journey being forged.  I was not to have an easy road in life.  It was God and his angels and saints coordinating a plan to draw me closer.  When I recall my brother-in-law's facial expression, I saw love.  There was an energy in his eyes that was magical.  I imagine it was not in his heart, as he never stood up for my story.  I think that he was innocent.  What I saw was the look of love coming through him from somewhere...that is from another sort of being, like an angel or saint.

When I think back on some of my relationships with men I tend to think maybe it was the Diablo who was directing their actions.  It is different though with "Stephen".   One day he answered the phone at the farm and I said, "Oh, Saint Stephen......"  One never really knows how God works to make you who you are.

(1987) July 16, I became focused on the imbalance of the world, industry to nature, male to female.  I started praying and sorting plastics ( recycling did not start till years later).  I was unhinged or maybe it could be called a dissolution of consciousness.  The date was the three hundred anniversary of a native american woman icon who had been disinterred by the French.  She is a local legend.  I wonder if I was channeling her energy?  I thought maybe I was the reincarnation of Mary Magdalen or the Virgin Mary.  My last name was an anagram for "angels."  All things had significant children's names and birthdays, etc.   I was hospitalized and told that I was bipolar.

"Don't worry, honey, we have a label for you."

This is Saint Stephen,  the first Christian Martyr.  He was stoned to death.  He was Greek.  The color red is for martyrs.  He looks a little mischievous.

The title of this entry is somewhat tongue in cheek.  I was advised by Jesus to believe in myself.  I really don't believe that I am a "crazy nut".  There is not a category for who or what I really am.

Friday, March 27, 2015

My Planet Earth or The Gift

In 2013 when I was in an extreme state of mental illness, I got it into my crazy head that I would clean the trash from the road sides.  I think I picked up about 5 or six large garbage bags full.  I had a line that would pop out of my mouth, "I clean it, I claim it."  Well, certainly I could not claim city property.  I don't know why I said it.  Maybe in another realm I could claim it in some magical thinking way.

While grabbing trashy objects I was very fortunate as planet earth presented me with a self portrait.  I found a green bowling ball hidden in the grass.  I brought it home an painted it with blue and white swirls to make it more life like.

Today I was in my closet and noticed it with fresh eyes, it does have a magical feel to it.  I held it in my arms and meditated Om Mani Padme Hum.  I had the youtube monks meditating with me.  While meditating I imagined myself as the Earth Mother.  I thought about what I wanted to the garbage in the oceans.  I imagined the oceans teaming with life as they once were.  I thought of a planet without smart phones and cars.  I could see forests with old growth trees and pristine lakes.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Me and Jesus

There might be people of the Christian faith that think that I am not a true Christian.  Here is a possible dialogue.

Amy, you have mentioned that you communicate with a muse and a guardian angel.  What about Jesus?  He is supposed to be the focus of your faith if you are a true Christian.

Well, I have heard it said that if you hear God talking to you then you a crazy nut.  "What if you misunderstand and do something under God's direction that is violent?"  This is why I have been reluctant to admit that I talk to Jesus and he replies.  In my experience, he is not accessible at all times.  A few weeks back he would enter my stuffed lion at 6 pm and visit with me though that medium.  He gives me encouragement.  People are thought to be crazy nuts by the science community which won't permit someone who has a two way relationship with God to be thought of as sane.

Amy, why would he take the time for you?

He knows that I went through a tough time last year.  He and the angels and saints want me to stay calm and not get "sick," in a way that attracts public attention.  Because I have an experience of reality that is not like other peoples, many would like to label me a defective. (some might consider this blog entry "sick")  I feel guided and protected by the family of God.  Others, though, since I have a diagnosis, think my experience is imaginary or fabricated.  The time I spent alone away from my family was actually necessary.  I was a hermit.  Hermits seek God and find God.  The hermitage allowed my mind to be calm enough to hear God and the spirits who commune with me.

I pray the Rosary daily, once again. With that practice comes the visualization of the mysteries.  This is actually a time travel exercise.  I am with him through his sufferings and joys.  I try to make it to daily Mass as well.

I would not say that I am a perfect Christian.  I have been rebellious and impure, stubborn and disbelieving. (my time in the wilderness. ) Many years ago I learned a prayer to say when one awakens, "all for thee O Sacred Heart of Jesus".  I try, that is all I can do.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Gadgets and their Effects

As I fell asleep last night my phosphenic  images came to me.  One was Princess Di.  I was surprised that a celebrity would visit little ol' me- but she did.  Apparently spirits from the other side have always been able to whisper into their loved ones ears to guide and protect them.    The cellular phones and gadgets give our a vibration that is hostile to spirits.  I no longer have an iphone and I don't plan to get another.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Welcome to the Portal

I live in an alternative reality.  I have phosphenic visions and I see a portal in my closed eye vision.  The portal makes it easier to realize different realms.  When I think of human history there are examples of peoples who have thought like myself.  One example is the early Judaism ...Rachel sat on the "Idols".  These people were able to communicate with the small figurines.  Spirits inhabited them, I would imagine.

One favorite criticism of religion is the "offerings" left for the Gods.  - The argument is that --oh- the priests ate the offerings and the people were fooled.  I perceive this differently.  The Gods dwell in a different realm and that realm is accessible with the human mind.  If the human makes an offering it is the action that counts and the foods actually materialize in the other realm.  A God took the offering and did what he or she wanted with it.  The food at the alter has been actualized in the God's realm.  It no longer matters if the priests ate the food.

For instance, I have made two poppets in the image of little green men aliens.  It may sound silly, but they are put on my window sill to keep guard.  They are actually inhabited by angels.  Either way, they like fruit.  I bring them fruit.  The fruit I bring them looks unchanged.  In the realm where the little poppets move and are in physical bodies, the fruit is eaten.  I could see one eating a blueberry in my closed eye phosphenic vision.  A person might see this and think "she is absolutely nutzo".  Well, you don't see what I see.  I would say about you that you cannot comprehend.  Part of the problem is Science.  Science demands everything be measurable.  Science likes to think it has the score on reality, when in fact it certainly does not.  Science can cripple human imagination.  Science is very dirty towards the environment.

The human who brought a food offering to the Gods has a mind which is not solitary like we are used to perceiving.  Actually, it is connected to a a cosmic collective consciousness.  The collective consciousness is alive and real.  It is possible that there are different levels of the CC which connect to heaven....where God or the Gods are.  It is very typical of God to have the most primitive actually be the most advanced.. I am just rambling.

I have in my closed eye vision, a tunnel occasionally.  On my side of the tunnel is my mind and scores of spirits.  I see them as I fall asleep.  Now, last night, I saw the tunnel and at the other side was a person looking into the tunnel at me.  That person is in your world with you the reader.  The person very well may have been one of you.  That is fine, I like company to my realm.  ;-)

Sunday, March 22, 2015

I Married The Huntsman

As a little girl I loved fairy tales, in fact, here is a photo of me at Christmas receiving the Brothers Grimm, illustrated by Maurice Sendak.
You can see the Danish flags on the tree-  I am of Danish descent.

In the last blog entry you learned that my 2 boyfriends after my divorce were in fact forest creatures.  I was meditating this morning and the realization came to me that my Ex husband is the human manifestation of the fairy tale archetype of "The Huntsman."

(He even recently purchased a wooded property.)

While I was growing up I had never even met a person who used guns and hunted animals.  In fact to me and my gal pals, the huntsman was the epitome of evil.  But in the fairy tale world, the huntsman, as in Little Red Riding Hood, has a savior persona.  He is the master of the woodland.
  My Ex- L. hunted deer and woodchucks, shot sickly cats on the farm, and protected us from potentially rabid wild creatures or "kritters" he would say.  My ex L. trapped little animals.  That is extremely cruel.  Tiny morsels of food are set out...the little creature is so happy....then SNAP!  A metal device grabs its foot.....  How sad.....I did not even take into account our differences in values when assessing him as my mate.

I had been a avid animal lover(prior to meeting him),  something about my unbounded affections for creatures went dormant while I was with my Ex L..  This is not a good thing.   Recall from the previous blog entry that I am a sprite in the alternate reality.  If I no longer cared for my fellow forest creatures then would they care for me and help me in my hour of need?   Recall how the deer came to me as I had wished that early morning at the lake.  I see a Karmic equation coming around that is not balanced in my favor.   I betrayed the forest world when I married "The Huntsman."

That is me in the forest cottage prior to marriage (1978) tis a metaphor of my mindset.

Actually at that time L. had curls.

I believe that the Karmic equation became equalized with the two men after him.  B. was an avid bird watcher.  (he even caught a bald eagle with his camera).  He was the faun.  G. taught me the evils of killing mice.  He was the centaur.  It is all good now, as they say.  I have paid my forest dues.    

Saturday, March 21, 2015

I Love the Forest

Two years ago I was under the impression that we humans were really fairy creatures vibrating at a frequency that makes us appear as human.  The  World wide Om changed with the industrialization and our reality  and bodies look different because of that.  That of course is a psychotic theory.  I thought my fellow humans were trolls, gnomes, elves, fairies, brownies, sprites and others.

In February '13 or December '12 I started seeing phosphenic visions.  I saw many animals and angels.

Fast backward to August of '73. (I am not certain of exact year)  I hiked into the forest behind our cottage...Up to the hillside in the dark at 5:30 am.  I wanted to see a deer on the trail--which I saw.  I was fearless.  The forest creatures at that point knew my identity.  "ahaa! Look, she is a forest sprite!  We have not seen one of them in many years."  Deer travel mostly dawn and dusk.

I started dating after my divorce and  met B.  He lived with me for a few years.  He had had a medical condition of having grown a horn (in his past.)  He had played the clarinet in his youth.  Now..I realize that he was a faun in disguise.  The boyfriend that followed him was a centaur.  His biggest hobby was mountain biking. Centaurs have the body of a horse and the upper body and head of a man.  So mountain biking is very much a metaphor of being a centaur. He brought me puffballs.

I have no resentment to these forest men......I guess in some way they kept me connected to that 12 year old who saw the deer in the forest.  (must have been a buck)

I imagine most people will think of this blog entry as pure fantasy.  I would think so my self......except that the phosphenic visions tell me different story.  I think that there is another realm that is unseen by most. It might be a secret known to crazy people only.  A phosphenic faun visited me to advise me to have gratitude to the trees for the maple syrup season.  I most certainly spread this request to my loved ones.

Sadly the forest world is very endangered. Even in Africa the "wildlife" is closely managed.  Humans keep multiplying and driving cars.  What will become of this planet?

B. and G. (G. has a painting I gifted him and a coffee mug in his hand.  It was a Lexus mug.)
The painting is of a chapel in Italy dedicated to The Bicyclist.  Our Lady of Ghisallo keeps cyclists safe.

If you look closely at the circle you shall see a woodland sprite peeking through from the other realm.  My ex B. and I hiked around Stony brook park years ago.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Poppet S. Returns from Exile

I have been focusing on "Pet Karma" the past few months.  This is an exploration of my conscience of how I have mistreated some little kritters.  With that exploration comes a reparation when my debt is realized.

There is also another kind of Karma.  It is actually just as serious.  Boyfriend Karma! With the exploration of my serious friendships I have become aware that I have a Karmic debt to a certain person.  In 2013 I insulted him on line in this very blog.  In addition,I  have said that I do no evil to Poppets but I figured that did not include exile.  I exiled this boyfriend I had in the late months of 2012 by putting the poppet of him in the trash.

I have had email contact with him since these events.  He believes that I keyed his auto, which I most certainly did not.  We dated for six weeks.

Yesterday I spent hours making a poppet of him which is flattering.  I would hope now that the Karmic equation is balanced.  (this could also be considered a Lenten prayer exercise.)

He is wearing a hand tailored suit.  He is a serious environmentalist and a poet.  It is sad that our friendship was not destined to be.    

The poppet of him looks positively professorial.  

Happy Spring- when light and dark are balanced.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Poppet Boys Club

Last night, as I fell asleep I had a phosphenic experience about an Angel and some monks.  There was a group of monks robed in black with light rays shining on them.  The angel was using a powder puff action on them from the other direction....powder puffing with darkness.  It seemed at first somewhat nonsensical.  Then I read about "Ostara"  which is a pagan celebration of darkness and light. 'Tis a spring celebration when  the time of light is equal to the darkness.  Seems that the angel and monks in my mind are unaware that holidays belong only to certain peoples.  I won't tell if you don't! (the holiday police)....Seems the Christians have a habit of usurping celebrations.

Here are St Peter, St. James the son of Zebedee, St. Paul  and St Andrew.   They are hanging around discussing what it feels like to be in a poppet.

 I had to have St. George pose for a photo shoot with the dragon sketch I did a few weeks ago.

Hey lets pose!

I just titled it "boys club" cuz they are all guys in this post.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Meet Saint Peter

There is a span of time between sleeping and awake that is a portal for communication to the spirit world.  (for me.)  I don't know what the human experts have come up with on that one.  Last night The Apostle Peter came to me at that time and he said, " Amy, you best get back to work on us.  I know that you took Judas aside and did him first, which is fine.  Tomorrow, though, you should make my clothes.  I am Peter, the leader and I should be dressed first."  I said, "sure thing, I will get right at it in the morning."  And I did.

The reference images for the Apostles have been taken from  the St. Dominic's Church in Shortsville.  The have the eleven Apostles in stained glass all around the church.  I went there a few weeks ago with a sketch book and quickly captured their expressions and features.  These images are especially powerful.  Why,  you may ask?  The Eucharist is constantly in the presence of these images and the people come into the church with love and thankfulness in their hearts.  This combination, I perceive to create a very high is a spiritual qi, (or you could say Holy Spirit.)

Peter still needs to have his keys.  I might embellish him some more!

Saturday, March 14, 2015

My Poppets are Spirit Poppets

Someone might ask. " do you ever do mean things to your poppets?"

My answer is an emphatic "No!"

Many years ago a prayed to be a vessel of the Holy Spirit.  My conduit is of love.  Even if I have a poppet of someone that I have had problems with in my life in the past, I do not use the poppet in a dark way. 

 My mother once told me, "Love Conquers All."  I believe that.

My poppets are spirit poppets or prayer poppets so no evil comes about.

Thanks for reading.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Interview: Self with Self

Hello, my name is Amy, I am going to play the part of the interviewer.  I am going to conduct an interview with Amy, the mental patient.(Amy the mental patient is also Amy Brandlin)

Hi Amy, How are you today?  (emphasis on "are")

Amy: Mental Patient. I am fine today thanks.

Interviewer:  Are you working yet?

Amy: Mental Patient: I am busy with my art.  Today I put hair on the head of James, son of Zebedee.  I made several hand stitched and glued linen loin clothes.

Interviewer:  It does not really seem as though you are even trying to be normal.  Who in this entire world spent time sewing loin cloths for the Apostles.  Have you applied to Aldi's?

Amy, Mental Patient:  My art work has meaning for  me.  I feel as though I know the apostles personally. The St. Dymphna poppet and St Elizabeth poppet came shopping to Canandaigua with me.  St. Elizabeth suggested I spend $80.00 on a skirt at The Brass Zipper.  When I got there I found the exact skirt she was referring to.  I have a foot in the world of the saints and a foot in this world.(She wanted me to reward myself as I am in the process of making over a dozen poppets right now.)  Working at Aldi's might be a waste of time for a Christian mystic.

Interviewer:  Amy.  The saints don't talk to you.  That is a hallucination.  You are very ill.  We need you to be normal and work at Aldi's.  Society needs you to work at Aldi's.  It is not the norm for people to talk to dolls or receive messages.  Aldi's is a for profit store.  Everything works on money in this society.  We cannot have people who live in lalla land.  MONEY.  That is what is important and real.  Do you have any idea how big this world is?  Believe me, there is nothing special about you.

Amy, Mental Patient:  Did you say your Rosary today?

Interviewer.  Doesn't that prayer take 20 minutes?  Of course not and I am not Catholic.

Amy, Mental Patient:  Then I imagine that you did not go to Mass either.  I think that you and I look at the world through each a different lens.  What is reality to you is not the same as me.  What I heard once from somebody was the the majority rules as to what is real and what is not real.  I am a minority, so I must be classified as defective.

Interviewer:  But what exactly makes you think your reality is different?

Amy, Mental Patient:  In 2001 the Virgin Mary spoke to me from a Holy card and she glowed all orange.

Interviewer:  Bipolar Hallucination. Delusion.

Amy, Mental Patient: Vision.  I see that you are serious about keeping me a "less than"  rather than a gifted person.

Interviewer:  Is there anything else?

Amy, Mental Patient:  When I go to mass is see phosphenic images of God.  This usually happens at the consecration.  (That is when the priest turns the bread and wine to the actual body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ.)

Interviewer:  I imagine that you have dreams to go build an ark.

Amy, Mental Patient:  No but nearly every morning as I awake I receive a dream that is like a message.   This morning I saw a cross and it was unclear if it was Jesus or someone else nailed to it.  It was dark.

Interviewer:  Amy.  We want you back here on the planet earth.  Enough is enough.  Delusions, psychosis...we have all the terminology to describe you.  Our words are powerful. You are sick.

Interviewer:  Oh one more thing.  How can you account for 2013 when you were so radical in your craziness?

Amy, Mental patient:  Sometimes God has to tear someone down in order to rebuild them.

Interviewer:  Are you taking your medication?

Amy, Mental Patient:  Yes.  Btw.  I am reading Uncle Tom's Cabin and Persepolis.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Notes on March 12

I am not an official medium.  They take classes and are taught.  Mediums go to psychic shows at the war memorial.  When they have sessions they will contact your deceased loved one. They must have a "how to be a medium class".

My world into the other world started in 2012, December.  I spent that Mayan calendar day in the mental hospital.  I had started speaking an unidentifiable foreign language.  That lasted a few days.  February of 2013 I awake from a dream in which a priest told me that I had died and come back to life.  It was very strange and I was hospitalized again.  In May of that year I started speaking in strange accents.  I believe that I might have been channeling.  I have the impression that there is another realm in which I can enter.

My world is much calmer now.  I know not to act out and get attention and get arrested for my incomprehensible ideas-- and my ideas are quieter.

My project presently is making poppets of the 12 apostles.  I have them all with faces on.  Many need hair and loin cloths.  I was in the bathroom in Walmart and suddenly I thought about Judas.  It was as if he had contacted me. He was uncomfortable being on the blanket chest with the other disciples.  He has a lot of guilt.  When I make a poppet it is as though my mind can enter the other realm and contact the spirit and guide it into the poppet.

  If you read the bible you can read where Jesus told Judas to do what he had to do.  Or it might read that the Devil entered Judas.  Either way, to be Judas would really not be a role that anybody in there right mind would choose.  I made Judas his tunic and loin cloth and he and I wrote out an email to a person who cannot comprehend my world.  I want him to focus on other aspects of reality than his shame.He suffers.  I must be insane.  Mediums do not communicate with saints, (In his world).  Because my view of the world is different to him it must be in error.

Judas and I have something in common.  To the world he will perpetually be a traitor and I will be forever insane, not gifted.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

The Story of St. Dymphna

I have mentioned St Dymphna.  She was a young woman in Ireland who had a Pagan father and a Christian mother.  She was a princess.  Her mother died.  The father was beside himself with grief and asked his pagan advisers what he do.  The adviser had searched the land for a replacement for Dymphna's mother with no luck.  He advised St. Dymphna's father to marry his daughter.  When St. Dymphna got word of that she decided to bolt.  She took some friends from court and her confessor.  She ran off to Belgium.  Her father was not far behind.  Apparently he was enraged and he chopped off St. Dymphna's head and killed the rest of the traveling party.  An old tomb was found years later that belonged to St. Dymphna.  St Dymphna lived in the 7 th century.  You can click on the link if you want more details.

What is interesting is that pilgrims from all over came to the tomb and the church in the town of Gheel.  A very advanced attitude developed towards the mentally ill and those with nervous disorders.  People opened their homes to the pilgrims and many people were cured.

The community of Gheel is very advanced in mental health care even to this day.  The New York state OMRWPD owes it philosophy and creation to the model of Gheel, Belgium.

In Massilon Ohio there is a state Mental hospital and a Roman Catholic church which hosts pilgrims to St. Dymphna.  I went in the early part of this century.  We had a relic of hers that was embedded in a cross touched to our heads.

St. Dymphna is sometime depicted with the Devil's head at her feet.  That is a bit of a revenge message that might not go over to well with everybody.  What do you think Dymphna?  Do You like posing with the head of the Devil?  She says "No."

Monday, March 9, 2015

Pleasant Dreams

Some people don't believe that the devil or demons exist.  I think that they do.  Last night as I was falling a sleep this character appeared to me.  I entered him into my journal.  I am going to have to figure out a course of action.  The action will be worked out through my art, by the direction of my muse.

He is a bit creepy, but in the traditional sense.
I am not frightened of him.

--  conitnued from the photographed page....."one is bound to invite challenge."  Sorry about my sloppy handwriting.

Follow up--apparently this creature was just trying to get my attention.  He put on the demon disguise- twas all fun and games.  He came into my consciousness to be of assist.  Society says if you hear the word demon or see in your minds eye a red man with horns you should be terrified.  I have spent many years praying the Rosary.

 " I will fear no evil for Thou art with me"  My faith is not pathology.  I am okay.  You don't see as I do, "Are you okay?"

Here is St Dymphna, the Patron saint of Mental Health.  That is me in the back  on my computer screen.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

The Current Poppet Project

You might be wondering, after reading my previous posts, "Is she rational?"  Yes, I am, much of my time is spent making poppets.  I have a very big project and that is to make poppets of all the twelve disciples. Poppet making takes concentration.  I research each person while I work on them so that they have the spirit.  I have an associates degree in art which I received in 2013.  (that makes my artistic endeavors legit.)  I am a registered nurse, but I do not practice.  After my last episode with a wild mind nobody has suggested that I be a nurse again.  I am sure that I could if given the chance.  I am in receipt of support due to my wild mind disability.  My mind is fairly tame now.  By no means do I act out in the community.  No letters or art gifts given to anyone.  I am in no danger to myself or others.

An amazing thing has happened.  Most of my episodes over the years were focused on my faith.  I imagined that I was a player in a God centered drama.  It is as though the plot of my life has come to a point in which every thing in the past was preparing me for.  I feel centered, complete and focused.  Dollmaking has done this for me.  The dolls are spirit dolls or prayer dolls.

The Twelve in the back are labeled with their names.(they are the disciples)  I am also  making Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton.  The sweet woman wrapped in the blue hanky is St. Dymphna.  When she is finished I shall tell her story--She is the patron saint of the mentally ill.

I know that I experience reality a different from most.  I mean no harm to anyone.  I am thankful for my family and for help from above.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Rodentia! I Have Something to say!

Disclaimer.  This writer does not perceive hallucinations, she perceives "Visions".

One of my friends once told me, "No, Amy, you must not use mouse traps."  I had trapped a mouse with a spring trap.  It was a sordid affair.  I large brown bot fly maggot was found on the counter next to the poor little dead mouse.  I defended my position.  "If I don't trap the mice they might chew the wires of the house and cause a fire. He maintained that a have a heart trap was a better course of action.

Last night, at bedtime I closed my eyes.  In my closed eye vision I saw a mouse, actually more than one..  They had big black eyes.  I thought hard.  I attempted to think the mouse into a little clay figurine of a mouse.  Nope, it remained in my minds eye. I held in my hand a figurine of my little Toby dog that liked to eat mice.  I could see him barking at the mouse who would not leave but he was ineffectual as the mouse was the same size as he was.

Next, I thought if I were to draw a tiger, that the tiger might scare the mice away.  I drew a pen and ink snarling tiger and stared at it for a while.  I then closed my eyes.  The little mice with the big black eyes were still there in my mind.

  I felt somewhat threatened by this little mouse spirit and his friends that refused to leave my precious mind.  Finally, I went downstairs and got this fine farmhouse French crucifix I recently purchased.  I also grabbed my Holy Rosary.  "Please go, mouse!"  Nope.  He was still there, with his friends.  Finally, while clutching the crucifix, I said, "What do you want from me.?!"

Mr. Mouse replied, "Apologize."

Oh, wow.  I started to think of all my transgressions to little rodent creatures during my life.  The father mouse that was flushed,  The father hamster that was starved to death by his daughter hamster. (I should have separated them.)  The hamster drowned at college.  The baby gerbil that died at the hand of its own father thanks to me. The traps and poison I have set out.  The ownership of rat catching dog.  I began to realize that I surely did owe this little creature a heartfelt apology for all my transgressions against mice and small rodents.

I said, "Mr. Mouse, I am sorry."  (Now the apology is public)

It was agreed that we would be friends and from now on mice could visit my mind occasionally.

The mice in my mind!

Thank-you Jesus and St. Francis for your guidance.

Friday, March 6, 2015

How Do You Frame a Voice?

Some of my stay in the New York State mental hospital was a bit surreal.  I was put in there as people thought I was dangerous.  What I recall of my thoughts back then in 2013 was that I was worked up about racism.  I was delusional in that I thought that I had been murdered several times, only to come back into reality due to some sort of wrinkle in time.  I was worried about the Illuminati secretly monitoring me.  I thought that I was an Mk Ultra victim.  I know now that those thoughts were erroneous.  The psychologist there told me that delusions are representations of real issues in one's consciousness.  What issues, I wonder?  I will have to think on it.  One thing is sure, I never plotted to hurt anybody.

One thing I find interesting is the terminology "hearing voices."  One time last year while upstairs I thought I heard the voice of my sister when she was not there.  I feel that in my artistic endeavors I have a muse that guides me in choices of what artistic project to tackle.   I think the muse then puts on big bulky angel wings with a halo.  When he does that I hear him guide me as my guardian angel.  The medical community has what I call, "less than" terminology to keep people from thinking creatively about the voices they hear.  If you are "hearing voices"  it is a very negative image that is conjured.   This language tries to keep us in our "Less Than" position in society.  We are supposed to think that the medical community has the answers.  Many in the psychiatric community have a distaste for religion.  They believe faith instigates inordinate guilt.  While Christianity is the dominant faith in the USA it is interesting to note that demons are not taken seriously.  Jesus drove out demons right and left during his ministry, it is well documented in that famous best seller.

When I was in the state hospital there was a woman who was periodically screaming at her "voices".  There are cement block walls and tiled floor in the facility.  The acoustics are a torture to endure.  This woman had been screaming for at least a week.  She was not herself.  I said to her, "Why don't you ask the woman (she had confided that it was a woman's voice) to stop?  The next day she was not yelling.  A week went by and I asked how the voices were.  She said, "What voices?"

Prior to the medical community running psychiatry, mental health was the domain of the church.  People were thought to be possessed by demons.  What is a "demon" exactly?  I think of it as a bundle of psychic energy.  I don't know if spirits or demons talk to people as "hearing voices" but I would not be surprised if they did.

Do you recall the movie "the Witches of Eastwick"?  If I recall the witches drove a woman to madness with their craft.  The character who was religious was portrayed as weak.  If a person were to accuse someone of doing black magic against them I am sure that they would be told that they were paranoid.

Pope Leo XIII had an auditory hallucination that he deemed to be of importance.  He heard the Devil and Jesus talking.  The Devil had a gutteral tone of voice.  The devil said that he could win over the population in a hundred years.  Jesus then said,  go ahead.  ( it was something like that)  The Pope decided that he would write the prayer to Saint Michael in response.  This prayer was prayed after Mass for over 50 years.  Pope Leo XIII was a very interesting individual and worth reading about.  He was also big on the Rosary.

Pope Leo XIII

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Sister Consulata Betrone

A few weeks ago, a prayer started "popping" into my head.  Every time that I was out in public and my brain had some time to be idle "Jesus, Mary, I love you, save souls."  I thought I best research the origin of this prayer.  The author is Sister Maria Consolata Betrone.  She was a young woman who had some difficulty being accepted into an order.  I wonder if she had reading issues.  She was born in 1903 and died in 1946.  She was accepted into the order of the Poor Claires.  To honor her I made a poppet.

St. Claire was known to have visions on the bare walls.  That is why she is the patron Saint of Television and the Television industry.  We Roman Catholics believe that the Saints hear our prayers.  I have a prayer to you Saint Claire..."Thank-you for sending me Maria Consolata to inspire me to pray an unselfish prayer for humanity."

My St Claire poppet is in the show in Clifton Springs - Arts on the Main.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

The Taming of the Pie Dough Billy Goat

Forgive me for this capricious blog entry!

In late 2012 I was at the local community college where I was taking art classes.  I was "psychotic"  I envisioned myself as Durga.  I announced to a random student," I am Durga, the demon slayer and I am invincible."  Durga, a Hindu goddess was commissioned by the other gods and goddesses to rid the society of demons. Human people are never demons.  They might be inhabited by negative energy but they are not demons.   A demon slayer would not slay a person.

When I visited Assisi I learned about St. Francis who tamed the wolf that had been eating children.  It became a pet to the community.

In the Bible book of Tobit, Raphael chases down Asmodeus and strangles him. But,  I don't believe that a "demon" can be killed.  But then again I am not the arch angel Raphael.

In 2014 prior to the sale of my home, I was making a pie.  I was working on the crust, rolling out the dough and there was some cinnamon that had mixed in.  I could not help but see that a goat's face was in the dough.  I am a receiver, so my Chinese masseuse told me.  I received at that moment the message from the goat.  "I want your kids."  I like  goats.  I was "psychotic" in 2013 about the Illuminati.  They have a goat or ram as there symbol.  The bible talks of separating the sheep from the goats.  (the goats being the people not destined for heaven.)

I like St. Francis's approach the best.  I love my kids and I doubt if the goat demon in my pie crust could harm them.  I took a fragment of the pie dough and put it into sculpy type substance and made a goat head.  I even mounted it on a little piece of wood.  I communicated with this goat and it was cantankerous.    The head fell off the wood a few weeks ago and I figured he might want some company.  He requested a Toggenburg for a helpmate.  I obliged.

I know that I am not normal.  In this society if you are not with the norm with your thoughts you are"less than".  People might not be able to understand me, so it is me that is not right.  Perhaps they think I need fixing.  I have been me for 54 years.  I am harmless.  I am glad that I am to this point in my spirituality.  I believe that I am within my constitutional rights to believe I am above the norm in my perceptions and thoughts of angels, saints, and spirits.

I gave the goat and his beloved wire bodies.  Maybe there is a realm in which these two goats are romping and playing in a barn with fresh straw, or a hillside.

  For my art show this is titled: Goats, Mixed Media.

And the two goats lived happily ever after, eventually having "kids" of their own.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

A Nativity Scene Makes its Appearance During Lent

I am having a show of my poppets on Arts on the Main in Clifton Springs.  The other day we gathered family together to go see it.  My daughter- in- law also has cute pieces in.  Her's are portraits of her daughter's toys.  I made people into poppets and she made toys into people-like characters.
The point of this story is my sin.  I know you might be saying "how is this blog entry headed that way?"  One of my poppets is the first love of mine from high school.  I researched his work and he wrote some of the material for Sponge Bob Square Pants.  The episode was The Great Snail Race.  It had a bad review and I shared this with some people at the show.  I realized afterward, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all."  That was a favorite quote of my father's.  It was wrong to slam him.

Since I felt guilty, I thought how can I make it up to Joe?  I have a journal and since he is an actor I made a journal entry of reparations....using his career choice.

I love St. Francis and he is the source of The Nativity.  In Greccio Italy he created

the first nativity scene with real people in 1223.  I visited there in 2004 and purchased a little plastic sculpture for my daughter.  There is a beautiful church nestled in the forest on a hillside that is dedicated to the Nativity.

Joe and Amy Maria!  It works- without even new character names.  Here Joe is polishing the apple on his robe before he gives it to the Donkey.  Joseph with two apples is legendary.  Who is playing Jesus?  I guess it is Jesus  himself as I know no newborns.  Thanks baby Jesus for helping me come to terms with my sinfulness!  Incidentally although he was my first love we were never more than acquaintances.

Sunday, March 1, 2015


When we first came back to the Finger lakes in 1966 we caught and befriended a baby crow.  It was nearly ready to fly.  We made it our pet.  Unfortunately it did not last more than a few days as a cat or raccoon pulled it through the wire cage we had made.  My father had named it Barabbas.  Barabbas was called a "notorious prisoner."  He was chosen over Jesus by the crowd to  be released (during the Passion.)  Just maybe since we did not see the escape or ingestion..maybe he got away.

Crows get a bad rap-- they are very intelligent, but cultures consider them evil.  Their grouping is called a "murder of crows".  Maybe it is their black coloration that makes them scary to people.  Then of course there is The Raven, by Edgar Allen Poe.

I feed them bread scraps, tossing the old bread out into the lawn.  I also like to caw to them...I don't really know what I am telling them though!


This is a cute video about gifts from crows to a little girl.

This painting was done when I was certain a raccoon killed Barabbas.  I used a children's book as a reference.