Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer

Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer
And in the End was the Word, Amy's Word

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Monday, May 19, 2014

The Psychiatric and the Spiritual

How does the paranormal relate to psychiatric phenomena?  In the movie the Witches of Eastwick, and other movies as well, the goal of some human spirits is to influence and cause mental instability in others.  Prior to modern science, mental illness was sometimes seen as demonic possession.  I have heard, when people discuss others with psychiatric challenges, it said of that person, "she is wrestling with her demons".  Humanity is very divided, those who believe in God and those who believe in science.  I used to say, as I had been taught by the Roman Catholics, that science and god are not at odds.  In the psychiatric situation the religious people would have different views.  Some would still attribute mental illness to possession.  I know because I heard that some said that about my behavior one year ago.  Other religious people would put a big world, like "schizophrenia" or "bipolar" thus making the ailment scientific not spiritual in their minds.

For something to be scientific, it must be figured out.  Cause and effect.  The scientific community explanation is "its a chemical imbalance".  Chemicals in the body are all about charges, ions and such.  I would say it is an electrical misfiring because of the chemistry.  Why?  I know from my independent studies about qi, the body flow of energy through the mind and body.  The scientists and medical community don't really have an explanation that really explains.  They only know the effect, not the cause.

Spirits are a form of energy.  There are special ghost machines that register charges. Electrical charges.... Scientist demand a visual and in the world of spirits that is not always possible.I wonder about psychiatry, they cling to their "scientific viewpoint" which really has no proof.   There needs to be some serious blending between the different aspects of our reality.  I wonder about other cultures.  Are there avenues of understanding between the spiritual world, psychiatric and  the medical worlds?

In  How to Meet and Work with Spirit Guides Ted warns people of not being ready to undertake communication with spirits and I wonder if he means psychiatric problems could result.

Was I possessed last year?  I might have been "channeling" some sort of spiritual energy.  I took down my outrageous Youtube videos, because I can bear to look at them and I want to portray myself as a sane person in this world.  I actively sought out the company of a childhood friend who had been murdered and perceived him to communicate with me.   'Tis a mystery.

Will the scientific world continue to have a hold on sophistication with fancy terms and labels?  Will the scientific community realize that there is a science with charges and energies of spirits?  I know that people have an individual frequency, will that be wedded with the spirit?  Will the spiritual gain any credibility?  Will science and religion be reconciled or have they already in some arenas?

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Sunday, May 11, 2014

Another World repost from May 2014

While in the hospital last summer(2013), once I had gotten settled in, I started to write.  The delusion that was prominent in my mind was that I was an immortal spirit being, and I set about recording the details.

I believe that I had been killed many times but the killings were ineffective.  I would not realize that I had been killed, just wake up the next day in my bed as if nothing happened.  There was not a system to my evading death.  Sometimes I would shape-shift out of the event, as with the deer on the bluff at Keuka Lake, another time I would wake up and play the previous day over and have it be minus the attack on me.  I had at least a dozen of these events which emerged from fabricated memories and I wrote them down.  While I was home I wrote down a few words for each instance in preparation for writing.  It was a "hit-by list"  but to my family it appeared as if I had a hit list.  I was very misunderstood.  People in my family feared to approach me and assumed the worst about my errant mind.

I believed that I was a MK Ultra subject and that I had been given radioactivity all my life and that this treatment had made me immortal and able to loop in time.  I believed that I was the kidnapped child from a prominent religious figure (Pope John XXIII) .  In my mental state I believed that I was a prominent figure in a secret world history.  I thought that because I was able to time loop, and evade death that the government was watching and studying me.  In collusion with the government was the secret society, the Illuminati.   I perceived that all my friends were insincere and paid to interact with me.  I thought my children were mind controlled via radio waves and hypnosis.

I have my chronicles in a box somewhere, yet to be unpacked.


This is me, age twelve after shape shifting out of death with a deer-so I recalled.  I think that idea was stolen from Harry Potter.  I believed me and my family to have been the inspiration for the Harry Potter series.  'Twas all my fantastic delusion, of course.  (Or is it?)

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Finding Meaning in the Unreal-May 2014

While I was in another altered mental state, (one year ago)  I believed myself to have been the recipient of a transmitting device.  I believed that my father (a military man) was part of the MK Ultra project and that I was experimented on with radioactivity without my knowledge.  I thought I was a kidnap victim (the illegitimate child of Pope John XXIII)  I thought that I was also a mind control victim with multiple personalities. This was a firmly fixed belief system in May and June of 2013.

The story has international intrigue as well.  In 2004 I was in Italy when manic and I lost a week of consciousness.  I wove that aspect into my fabrication of reality.  I believed that another transmitter was placed into my body this time my brain via the back of my nose.  (the first was placed into my elbow after a bicycle accident at age 14-so I thought) I perceived that the Italian device was a helpful implant.   I believed that the elbow device was to record and track me.  I rescued a half dead duck (on my parent's farmette) and it revived to life.  I thought that I had a miraculous gifts and powers and that I was being monitored internationally.

I did see recently a video on Youtube that the government has plans to chip people(Christopher Green AMTV).  This is what I thought had been done to me.

I watched the movie "The Avengers".  (with Ralph Fiennes) a few weeks ago.  I was amazed to see how some of my perceptions in my psycho-drama aligned with the story line.  I perceived that the weather was controlled by the government.  (HAARP- is real radio wave manipulation of the stratus sphere).  There is one point were the female protagonist says "how now brown cow" .  I had thought this was a trigger word to send me into a different personality.  As recently as December I thought that there was a double of me created by time reality manipulation.  There might have been more things in that movie that I mirrored in my odd world but each detail escapes me.

We humans are social creatures.  If we believe something and are mirrored back to that what we believe is true then the confirmation gives us a feeling of validity.  If we don't receive confirmation we have two choices if we want to remain in the human group or society.  Stop embracing what we perceived as real or believe it and keep our mouths shut.

For me, I have chosen to believe that the spiritual gifts I received are real.  I have mentioned before, that there is something about the modern human condition with all its technology and the human mystic in relation.  I consider myself a mystic and by taking on the role of the victim of technology in my delusion, I surrender my psyche and brain to the monster that we are creating with our human ambition.






Monday, May 5, 2014

Pet Karma-The Wild Rabbit in my Closet

I was about 9 years old out playing in my backyard (right around Easter time) and I came across a wild baby rabbit.  I was home sick from school enjoying the April sun while my mother gardened.  I know now that keeping wild animals as pets is very wrong but at the time I did not.  I caught the little bunny and brought him into the house, into my closet specifically, with my mother's permission.  We must have bought rabbit food....I know I brought lettuce up to my closet to feed her.  The details escape my recollection. The rabbit was a pet for a few months.

We brought her down to the lake cottage and let her go free.  The cottage was surrounded by thickets and forest but this was an ill thought out release.  The Siamese cats were free and wild and the little rabbit (which was not very little anymore) was free and semi-tame.  After we set the rabbit free a few hours went by and we heard that awful heart wrenching scream of an injured rabbit.  We never saw direct evidence but I believe it was safe to assume that the cats murdered the rabbit.

I was a little girl, did not think ahead and was distressed over the outcome......so I would think it is a neutral Karma for me...those Siamese cats were just being cats....where is the Karmic debt?  Perhaps my parents!





Thursday, May 1, 2014

Tragedy Strikes the Little Gerbil Family

I remember the first rodent family we brought into our home was a pair of gerbils.  The female gave birth and everyone was excited.  The next morning at about 7 am prior to school, (second grade),I thought that the gerbil mother and father needed to connect after having brought new life into the world.  I knew that the father had to be kept apart from the babies.  I got the mother and father together for a visit and then when I went to put the mother back with her baby I could not tell the difference.  Which one was the mom?  I had to take a chance and I accidentally put the father into the cage with the baby.  He started biting and attacking it.  My mother came along and we hoped the baby would survive.  It did not.  I felt sick about what I had done.

Pets teach children about love and responsibility, but they also give us all hard lessons.  Sometimes these lessons form our mental patterns about risk and death.  The little creatures aren't human, but they are life.  They have little lives that are very dependent upon us.  Our attitudes about the helpless form when we take care of pets.  These attitudes or postures are not set in stone as humans we are constantly forming and reassessing our values.  Hopefully the lessons lead us to be more compassionate human beings.

This drawing is prior to the tragedy.  Newborn gerbils are pink.




Hamster Shame


Warning: this blog is about some VERY HEAVY Pet Karma.

When I was in high school my sister was in college. She pet sat a hamster named  Guido.  She brought it home for the weekend.  It was an apricot hamster.  While it spent the weekend with us we gave it Shaklee alfalfa tablets for a treat.  Some how this event make a strong impression on me because when I went off to college, I purchased an Apricot Hamster and kept it in my dorm room.  I don't recall if I named him Guido.  He made noise at night when I was trying to sleep.  Somehow the reproduction of the hamster at college scenario did not come off as I had hoped.  College is not the place to retreat into rodent relationships.  It is the time to make friends and have fun with people.  I must have felt shy and lonely and thought a hamster would give me solace.



What does a young woman do when she encounters difficulties?  Well, I went to my father.  My father had no affection for rodents.  He instructed me to bag the little guy, with a stone and toss him into the Church pond.  (I attended Ithaca College in 1979- there was a pond by the churches, might still be there.)  I did not bond with the hamster, he was a nuisance to me.  I am ashamed of my actions and sad that this whole experience happened.

This is a true confession blog entry.  I drowned the hamster, gangster style.  I confided in my roommate and she told enough people.  Enough so that I received looks.  It was near Christmas break.  I decided to quit my Ithaca College life and take classes at the community college in secretarial studies.

Maybe I should have taken courses on moral development.