Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer

Be Forewarned, I am a Fey and Quixotic Creative Writer
And in the End was the Word, Amy's Word

Total Pageviews

Follow by Email

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

My Mental Affair with Ralph Fiennes

Has anyone ever fallen in love with a movie star?  That happened to me a few years back with Ralph Fiennes. I am a member of a face book fan club and I see women doing exactly what I did...that is doing sketches of him and watching all his movies.   I see in them what I saw in myself.  I think it is a sad thing when people are so lonely that they invent relationships with movie stars.  But, on the other hand, for me it was a useful coping tool.  Thinking and imagining about Ralph go me through a tough time..

I am now back to work and do more constructive things with my energies, but I will always remember those days when it was me and Ralph......even if it was all in my head.

All My Best to Cindy and Mark

I have been accused of fanning the flames and bashing a reputable business.  I just shared that the business was not interested in interacting with me as I was mentally off and that the business owners son ripped me off.  I did try to settle it with him and he laughed as said, "go ahead write a bad review of me, I don't care."  I am sure that Cindy at Ravens landings has not suffered one iota from my bad review.  It was just the first time I ever experienced being discriminated against and I wanted to share what it was like.  I did not want something for nothing.  I was a lonely mentally ill person looking to connect.  When I experience talking to the dead, I get classified as crazy, when other people experience it they become rich.  Cindy could have responded to my email with a response such as this.

"Amy, when you came into my establishment I felt concern for your mental state.  I am a very busy professional and I cannot take the time you need for free.  Get better and stop in a few months and I will give you small discount because my assistant said you have no funds. I wish you the best on your journey back to wellness".

Or perhaps,
"Amy, you seem to be in receipt of energies which I am not comfortable with.  At this time I cannot assist you.  Your little poppets are a bit to witchy for my tastes, but I am sure you mean well with them.  Good luck with your art."

If Cindy prides herself on being a reputable business she should treat all humans with respect and loving kindness.  Loving Kindness is a great treasure to be able to bestow on people and people appreciate validation.  I am just explaining how my personality is not a fan the flame, it is more of the teacher, educator. healer, type.

Mark, did not have to accuse me of being a narcissist.  That was an insult.  I told them they were only human in their failings and in response I was told I was still very sick and full of bad energy.  Mark, a former cna, insulted me about my nursing as well.  That is fanning the flames.  Mark, since terminology means so much to you let me tell you, it is not all about status.  The term secretary is not insulting to most of the population.  It is just your desire for social status that is making you react that way.  Status is not what life is all about.  Being kind is very important and you know as well as I do that you and Cindy where laughing about me when you went in and spoke to her and promised she would call me.  That was not kind.

I do not doubt that Cindy helps many people, just not ones who put her out of her comfort zone.  She likes to help normal people, I am thinking.  But if she is going to be choosey that something like this could happen to her again...I guess not, not many women up north blog.   Anyway, Cindy implied my publicity was helpful for business.  I even had a passing thought if she would give me a ten percent discount as she promised to all who mentioned reading the blog.  I just related my experience, was not bashing.  I am a person who is filled with loving kindness and I can even bestow my good healing energies on Cindy and Mark.  Bless your hearts, like Mark said.  

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Do Not Criticize the Prevailing Religion

I you criticize the prevailing religion, here in the freedom of speech usa, your blog reads might drop substantially over night.  I believe my blog was taken out of circulation because I criticized Christianity.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary

It was one year ago today that I felt compelled to pray for my inlaws deceased members of their family.  As punishment for praying for my enemies I have a legal criminal record.I happened to drive by my daughters house while the school bus picked up my grandchildren and because I obeyed traffic laws regarding a school bus I was illegally arrested for violating an order of protection.  I never even got out of my automobile.  I did not go to trial for fear of more injustice that was entirely possible in the horrible county of Ontario.  If you are a family with troubles be sure, that the DA will stick it to you.  Ontario county is the law of injustice.

Am I a practising Christian?  no.  I gave it up when I realized a few important messages.  One is that it is a religion of cannibal imagery.  I am not a cannibal.  I learned that from my father, Fred.  Secondly, the christian message is one where in the revolutionary is murdered and can only help you in another dimension.  It is okay in this meme to murder revolutionaries.  I do not believe it is right, as revolution is important for making gains in growth in the human collective consciousness.  If it is okay to kill revolutionaries we will never make strides in our broken human condition.

Who ever this God is, she wanted me to stop praying the Rosary for my exlaws and their patriarchs.  I love the Blessed Mother, but I will not have a criminal record with no lesson taught to me. If you wear a crucifix you will imitate christ and if you pray the rosary you might imitate christ as well, like  being punished when you committed no crime.

do you qualify for their healing touch?

In Apriil of this year- or there abouts I stopped into the establishment of Cindy Lane Newcombs to connect with her.  I wanted to share my experience of communicating with my poppets and my general life story.  My father had died in 2014 but I did not have the money for a reading.  I was interested to see if she and I could connect on a different level.  I get messages from another dimension and I wanted to see if she would validate my experience.  Sadly, she would not.  She ignored my email and phone call.  Apparently, she is not interested in communicating with a medium who is not for hire and had a diagnosis of the tag mentally ill.  Her establishment does not interact with less than narcissists.  Her administrative assistant commented on my original panning of her establishment to let me know that with non narcissitic people she is smoozes and is a god sent intervention to their unhappiness.  I do not merit contact with her because I am a narcissist.

In the South, there are plenty of blogging women, I have read their blogs.  In the North, if you share your life in the blog format, you are a narcissist.  I did not merit Cindy's healing intervention because I was mentally ill and my energies were more than she cared to interact with, even though my illness had subsided sufficiently by the time I wanted to share my poppets with her.  She did not and would not take the time to interact with me because she perceived me as less than any kind of person worthy of  her attention with bad energies.

She did not care to try to help me with my energies that were dark or bad, as I was concerned about sex slavery and other dark subjects that may or may not exist in our culture.

Behind semi-closed doors she and her assistant laughed at me and my condition and she would not respond to me.  Now they want me to be sufficiently medicated so that I withdraw or take down my original complaint of their discrimination.  That I refuse to do.

I am very much in my right mind at this point in my life and more medication will not take down my complaint. If you turn away clients because of your misperceptions, you will have to pay.  It is not evil energy, it is just desserts.

Now, the fact that Mark took it upon himself to share how nice she was to a normal client is more salt into my rejection wound.

I even had a dream of a raven landing on a branch and was still sent away.  I, a former secretary, was then berated for not realizing that secretary is now a bad word.   What the heck.  I even can tell a raven from a crow and I was rejected and then again berated for complaining how they would not tend to my spiritual inquiry.  I was even accused of not being a compassionate person.  I am a person who has worked with prisoners, the mentally disabled, the hospice patient and the normal aged patient as well.  I have done the most challenging nursing work, and still do.  So much is my dedication that I went into my place of work at 3 am to pass meds.  I normally do not pass meds but since there is such a nursing shortage, I took it upon myself to be a good servant to humanity.

Cindy and Mark employed discrimination when they rejected me.  I am a different sort of person, be it at my baseline normal or my revolutionary outspoken deluded persona.  I am not evil or filled with darkness or dangerous at any point in time in my life.  They messed up and they owe me an apology.  With a free reading and an apology then and only then will I remove my truthful posts.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Radiology Secretary 1980

What was it like to be a radiology secretary in 1980?  It was not an easy job.  I had to man the window, schedule procedures, type reports and file films in a big room of xrays in paper folders.  It was an interesting time in the field, as ct imaging had just come out.   We also had a nuclear medicine department.  I was newly married to my dairy farmer husband.  I got pregnant right after I got married, so I was pregnant and working around x rays.  My daughter was  born normal and has had three healthy children, so I don't perceive any ill effects.

I took secretarial classes after I dropped out of Ithaca College.  While at IC I took medical terminology because I knew that I wanted to work as a medical secretary.  I dropped out of the secretarial program because I got the job in radiology.  I have only ever been able to type about thirty words a minute.  They are big words, though!  (as you shall read.)

This  was a time when people were still allowed to smoke while they worked.  There were ashtrays everywhere and my manager, Terry, smoked as well as most of the technicians. I recall being upset when a dying patient had to lay on stretcher breathing the smoke from the cigarette that the technician was puffing away on.  While pregnant I would take fresh air breaks from the cigarette smoke in the department and go sit my swollen body outside on a bench next to the duck and swan pond.

I can recall being frustrated that I was consistently pulled away from what ever I was focussing on.   Typing a report, had to answer the phone.   Checking people in at the window was interesting.  One time there was a policeman off duty showing off his gun.  We thought he was a nut case.  I recall typing a report and mistyping and having to correct three copies with white out.  The reports were three layer carbon.  I recall spelling Highland hospital 'hyland" when I sent out films in a big brown package.

One time I scheduled the doctor to do two procedures at the same time.  "How is dr Braff supposed to do an IVP and a barium enema at the same time?" they asked.  (Must have been my lead poisoning.)

I was getting married, but I had a little crush on Roger.  He was tall, with Native American ancestry.  He was one of the technicians.  He showed me his pride and joy, from his wallet, two little pictures of pride and joy detergents.  Tom another technician who had lived in nyc did not like roadstand sweet corn because of the bugs.  Road stand sweet corn is ten times fresher and tastier than grocery store corn, Tom!  He also laughed at my peeled carrot that I brought in as part of my lunch,  It was not cut into sticks.

Dr Braff was the radiologist and he and his wife gave me a lovely woven baby blanket.  He was tall and thin and Jewish.  I really liked him.  I complained to him about the cigarette smoke.  I was ahead of my time, apparently.

Terry, the manager, he was watching the television series, Dallas.  He would take his children for happy meals at mac donalds.

There was also Paul, a tech, he said I had a radio voice, a very nice compliment.

I recall, Marie, a gruff professional and then Edith, another technician.  Eddie gave me a lecture about how you must remove the cotton from medicine bottles as it gets germs on it.  She could not believe, that I, a doctor's daughter, did not know that bit of important info.

Chris was the name of the greatest nurse in the hospital.  She was extremely professional and kind.  She attended to the people during the procedures and placed iv sites.

My coworker, Cheryl, was trying to get pregnant for years.  It did not happen until she got a different job.  The secretarial stress was keeping her from getting pregnant.

I can recall hearing doctor Braff's voice pronouncing "spondylolisthesis" and "pace maker pack overlying the sternum..."   "No acute infiltrate." on the dictophone machine.

  I only worked there about a year.`

I recall my first employee evaluation.  I was not perky and friendly enough.  (I was nervous and a little over worked.)  He chocked it up to my being pregnant.  I was surprised that they brought in two or three new positions to spread the work out better after I left.

Thank you Mark, the administrative assistant, for inspiring this memoir of my first full time job as a radiology secretary.

Ramblings to Figure out If I Really Qualify as a Narcissist

I once had a patient I will name Q.  I did home care and he knew me in 2005, as I did daily visits to his home.  He said, "Amy, you are the most self deprecating person I have ever met.  Why have you no confidence?"  I don't believe that self deprecation is a symptom of narcism, so our friend at the healing center in town, Mark of Cindy Newcomb Lanes could be wrong in his differential diagnosis.  I researched narcism in women and I don't believe I really fit the pattern.  I don't think all men are crazy about me and I don't think all my friends are idiots.  I am not self absorbed in my appearance, never having been to a tanning booth and I have no tattoos.(not that that defines narcissism either)

I suffer from Stigma and having self confidence is a great accomplishment for someone who has to cope with stigma.  I will not apologize for having self confidence. I am a writer as well as a former SECRETARY.

One of my early career choices was medical SECRETARY.  I never felt any shame when I was a radiology secretary in 1980 at clifton springs hospital and clinic.  It was a difficult job and they replaced me with THREE secretaries after I left the position to be a full time mother.

addendum:  I just did more research on narcissism.  I don't shame others, in fact shaming really bothers me in general.  I don't have poor boundaries.  I respect peoples boundaries and expect to have mine respected.  I do have relationships that I have maintained for years, I can name several.  I will admit that I use magical thinking in my reality.  I have a healthy interest in what others say...I listen...it is not all about me.